Just because I can, may I present you with a gyrating Erik Estrada (as CHIPS very own Ponch!) joining the late Laura Branigan onstage for a duet. And yes, she is singing about going "down." Ummm... what?
Allrighty. So some guy in the UK lost his mind and decided to change his name. His original name was David Fearn. He wanted something catchier, so he changed his name to A LISTING OF EVERY SINGLE JAMES BOND FILM EVER MADE. For those of you without these such things memorized, that means the man now goes by: James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Ser vice Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies TheWorld Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. To save time, people will just nickname him "idiot."
On CSI Miami, David Caruso can deliver a one-liner like nobody's business... as this brilliant video compilation very clearly shows. Watch him take off his glasses! Watch him put them on! And watch the drama enfold! YEEEEEAHHHHHH!
This video is so damned enjoyable, now I never have to endure another episode of the show! YEEEEEAHHHHHH!
Oh my Lord. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. The pain, the pain.
Back in the early 80s, Director Stanley Kubrick was searching throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to star in Full Metal Jacket. Apparently he put an ad in Variety encouraging people to send in their audition tapes. When Brian Atene, he of the Juillard School, perhaps the finest acting institution in the world, took him up on this offer... I'm sure Stanley Kubrick wondered if this was such a good idea.
His "cutting" from The Outsiders makes me think of Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade. "Mmmmmhuh. Ponyboy? I sure could go for some of those french fried 'taters... Mmmmmmhuh."
In a time where even Saved By The Bell's annoying Screech has a "celebrity" sex tape, who's to be surprised that even Sesame Street stars have a seamy underbelly? In this case, a red furry one. The above video may be NSFW, as it contains naked Elmos in compromising positions. You've been warned.
Combine Baby Looney Tunes with The Archies, then add Dick Cheney's "Penguin" impersonation and some Guantanamo-style torture silliness (in the name of a good patriotic lunch!)... and you have this episode of Little George Bush on Hot Dog Day! Wheeee! (Note: it's stupid & could offend. But look at the name of this website. Deal with it!)
While wandering through Italy a few months ago, I found a great deal of entertainment from the discovery of the Calendario Romano... a calendar featuring the (I'm not kidding here...) hottest priests and holy men in Italy.
I thought nothing could top it. It was just too bizarre. I was wrong.
Hey ladies... better watch out! One look at these hunks and their mysteriously disappearing shirts and you might just need an autopsy... on your broken heart!
When stupid names are outlawed, only outlaws will have stupid names.
Posted at 1:24:00 PM on July 30, 2006
According to the BBC..."Malaysian authorities have published a list of undesirable titles to prevent parents giving their children names such as Hitler, smelly dog or 007."
We are Pee&Poo! Escapees from the bathroom, we are entering the world on a journey filled with new adventures. Maybe we can stay with you for a while? No? Well then, buy some of our stuff!
Maury Povich selflessly helps a girl deal with her greatest fear. What is she scared of? Snakes? Spiders? Heights? Death? Noooooo... guess again! Pickles!
Years ago I watched Harvey Fierstein in the musical version of Hairspray on Broadway. He was great! Since he left the show, the role of Mrs. Turnblad has been played by Bruce Vilanch (of Hollywood Squares fame) and comedian John Pinette. See any similarities? They're all kinda portly guys, just like Divine was. And... a little bit... gregarious shall we say?
Ok, so now they're making a movie based on the musical which was based on a movie (apparently they learned nothing from The Producers). So do they call on Harvey to reprise his role? Nah. Of course not. They hire John Freaking Travolta.
I didn't believe it was possible, however I guess people really do fall for those Nigerian scams. But hey, I suppose even a prominent millionaire psychiatrist* can have a weakness for politely-if-poorly written, fanciful e-mails from stranger asking to launder money being kept from rebel leaders in Sierra Leone. I mean, it's not like his family's gonna mind, right?
The irony here is that this man is the neuroscientist who became famous by "announcing in 1987 that President Reagan had been suffering from diminished mental ability as early as 1980." With all due respect, maybe he would've been better served worrying more about himself. Just sayin'...
The 30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library... in which a troupe of bunnies parodies a collection of movies (19 at current count!) by re-enacting them in 30 seconds, more or less. Now even Brokebackier!
I dunno... cartoon bunnies just never get old for me.
I first became familiar with the writing of Christopher Monks back when the Pat O'Brien phone call scandal happened. Chris started up a totally brilliant blog called Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien. It was so brilliantly funny in fact, that I STILL find myself saying something is "so not better than Night Court!", cursing my imaginary monkey assistant, and imagining Joaquin Phoenix dressed up like an Inuit... even though I read it nearly a year ago.
Well, when the Pat O'Brien blog ended, I decided to check out Mr. Monks' other writings and I read through his McSweeney's-ish fantasy fan letters to Star Jones. They were very funny. But unfortunately, people are so uptight nowadays that his hobby of humor writing has been losing job opportunities for him, which stands in the way of his ability to support his family.
Now that, my friends... is TOTALLY STUPID. I just wanted to say that out loud to anyone who might listen. It just makes no sense to me. People seriously need to lighten up.
Christopher Gregory wants to tell you his secrets to finding love. OK, actually not love. Really, he just wants to tell you how to sleep with strippers. Because everyone knows you'll never be a REAL man until you've impressed someone who calls herself Bambi Muffins (You know... that redheaded dancer at Jumbo's Clown Room with the tattoos and track mark bruises? Yeah, her.). And good ol' Chris has your back!
Seducing dancers will NEVER be such a struggle for you again! When you learn and apply the principles and practices of seducing topless dancers like I did, you will not only be successful at attracting all the dancers you desire – BUT – You will be a verifiable and well-known STUD in their world. And everyone knows that when you're a stud in the world of strippers? Total success in life is only a lapdance away!
She's tiny! She's a cartoon! And she's got a chair stuck to her butt! That's hot!
**Warning... some of the ads on this Italian webpage are NSFW**
Different men are attracted to different things. Apparently someone out there is attracted to pixelated women who have been glued to chairs. Nooo... I don't get it either.
Oh, to be in my 20s again. That age where people are wacky enough to yell "I QUIT!" over the company intercom, run and jump around like a spaz, and have a friend videotape the whole thing to have documented proof of just how cool it is.
Of course, with my luck, my friend would also continue videotaping the aftermath too... the part where I stop laughing, have to start sifting through want ads circling everything from food service to telemarketing & begin to have crying jags because I have no rent money. Oh, and then the part where I end up repeatedly hitting my head against the wall, wishing I hadn't been such an idiot to quit my crappy job.
When you're surfing the web and happen upon a nicely designed church-affiliated website... do you feel a slight tingly sensation? A little weak in the knees? Does your heart beat a little faster? Well, at HotOrNot Churchsites.com, you can rate churches websites against eachother. May the holiest graphic interface win!
Y'know... somehow I never would've predicted the hotornot phenomenon ever taking in this direction.
The 1970s were filled with people with perfectly feathered hair. Want to relive those Barbara Cooper/Farrah/Parker Stevenson-inspired days of yore? Want to check out the feathered hairstyles of the present? Or do you just need some inspiration for your own feathered hair of the future? Well trek on over to The Feathered-Back Hair Site. Groovy!
Many Christians believe that animals do not go to heaven. So when Jesus comes back and you return with him to heaven, will there be somebody to take care of your dog or cat?
If you have a non-Christian family member, they might take care of your pet, but if not, have you made any plans? Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?
When I was a kid in the 70s I really loved cartoons, and people back then REALLY loved Ziggy. (I guess the 700 Club still does...) Things just never went right for that little bald cartoon man (Boy? Kid? How old IS he, anyhow?). Good times!
So today I decided to revisit Ziggy's cartoon world. But you know what? I've left that world realizing that the wonder of ziggy is mostly just how we ever found him funny. Is it just me?
Upstairs at Graceland, or The Day I Met the King... a tale of romance (with Elvis' secret offspring no less, who apparently lives upstairs at Graceland a la Flowers in the Attic).
Maybe I have a sick mind. I don't know. but I just saw a commercial for Disney on Ice's Finding Nemo show, and I couldn't help but cringe. I mean, look at the photo on the left. Don't the eyeballs just kinda look... ummm... a little too strategically placed? Didn't the costume designers even notice? This is a kids' show, for Christ's sake!!!
Just for the record, the pottery at Color Me Mine isn't half as crazy delicious as a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery, but macchiatos are pretty darned tasty.
I have to admit that I think Salon kinda nailed it on this one. The forced "synergy" of urban R&B and figure skaters is kind of obvious in this video clip. (view short ad first, sorry). Sometimes two "great tastes" just don't taste so yummy together, y'know?
Here's what they had to say: ...this clip from this weekend's "Sarah Hughes & Friends" seemed like a breakthrough of sorts, in that it actually boasted back-up singing from Ashanti... and it displayed a spine-tingling culture clash we can best describe as "TRL" meets the Lawrence Welk Show dancers.
But first, let's all sing the theme song together, shall we? "Lite Brite, makin' thiiings with liiiiiggghhht. What a sight, makin' things with Lite Brite!"
There used to be a guy who would sit in front of the Chinese Theater in Hollywood wearing a tinfoil helmet. One day while waiting for a movie, my friends and I spent some time being enlightened by him in regards to how a well-made hat of aluminum foil is proven protection for the human brain from all forms of radiation and alien mind control. (A theory that's even been tested by engineers from MIT's Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department.)
After being in front of the theater every day for years, one day I noticed that tinfoil helmet guy had disappeared & never returned. I have always wondered if maybe he took off his hat for a minute one day & the inevitable happened...
Do you want protection from mind control but lack confidence in your ability to make a good, functional tinfoil helmet? Just buy one ready-made! And hey, don't forget to buy a couple more just for your pets. It's a proven fact... puppies that are under alien-mind control aren't half as good at fetching squeaky toys.
I suppose everyone has their own little fantasy. If seeing girls get their cars stuck in the mud just happens to be yours, then have I got a website for you!
The Daily Wav's concept is simple... every day Hunter Elliott puts random soundclips on the web for your listening pleasure. Or as he describes it, "11 years of forcing my annoying hobby on you and your cubemates!"
I spent some quality time visiting a friend in Denmark in 1996. I experienced Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen and Legoland in Billund, but I am devastated to find that I missed what is arguably the best Danish amusement park of all... Bon Bon Land. Well, that is, if you rate your amusement parks based on how much they're themed on boobs, farting, peeing and pooping.
You can take a lovely photo tour of Bon Bon Land by clicking here(be sure to catch the signs they have for the bathrooms). The park also features rides like The Dog Fart Switchback (which actually farts on you), The Horse Dropping, The Rubbish Dump, The Gull-Dropping Cycle, and many more.
Man, I just love other countries. They totally rock.
ETA... I just had a flashback to my trip in 1996. I was at a youth hostel and found this candy called Store Babser in a vending machine... they were literally little gummy boobs. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, so I bought about five packages for friends. As I was going through the photo gallery, I was wondering why Bon Bon Land's buxom cow looked really familiar! Now I get it!
This site is a place for you to upload and browse a unique type of photo that we like to call the Jowler. These fun pictures are created when the subject of a photo shakes their head really fast while the picture is taken...
There's no telling where some words come from... Well, for the most part, I'm guessing we will never know how some words came into origin. But I have come up with a clearly outlined history of the greatest word ever, along with definitions and a useful synonyms list.
Pride. Envy. Wrath, Gluttony and Lust. Sloth and Greed. The seven deadly sins. Countless souls have been eternally damned for succumbing to them. If you are bound for hell, discover what sin will send you there... you may be surprised. You might just learn something new about yourself -- hopefully before it's too late...
There are things in this world that are well worth preserving. If you thought that once your favorite banner ad was taken out of circulation that it was gone forever, think again.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules.
Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I'm a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don't know is that I'm hot... I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same... Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!
One of the Depression's highest-grossing films was an outrageous fabrication, a scandalous and suggestive gorilla epic that set box office records.
According to the L.A. Times, three years before the original King Kong hit film screens, the much more lurid and horribly racist Ingagi paved the way with much of the plot. Upon initial release, audiences (including Daily Variety) swallowed the film's story whole as fact. Then in 1940 the all-black horror film Son of Ingagi was released in a belated attempt to capitalize on the original film's success.
According to the Times, the few people who have viewed the original Ingagi will never forget the heart-stopping, climactic final scene. In lieu of climbing the Empire State Building, the "persecuted-but-sensitive" creature performs a thrilling tap dance and is crowned unanimous victor at the Apollo Amateur Hour. Oh wait, no, I totally made that up.
I am the Professor of Mirth, a certified laughter leader with Laughter Yoga Clubs International. Let me show you how to laugh your stress away! It's okay if you think I'm nuts with all this laughter. I'd rather be a crazy quilt than a wet blanket. Laugh along with me and have fun!
Our friends at The Smoking Gun have picked their favorite mugshots of the year... and they are very special indeed. But if you're craving even more arrest photos, I present you with mugshot mecca.
Just find out you're going to Federal Prison yourself? Well, just pretend you're preparing for a vacation overseas: buy a guidebook and consult with someone who's been there before.
With all of that quality alone-time, prison is a hotbed for creativity & introspection. Interested in what's on the mind of today's convict? Check out The Voice of the Imprisoned. If you're more of a visual soul, The Prison Art Project has all sorts of artwork for your collection. If you're a snob and only like your criminal artists to be of the infamous &/or executed variety however, then MurderAuction.com is the site for you. But one little tip? You're never going to get a girlfriend with THIS hanging on your wall.
On second thought, that statement could be wrong. See, there are lots of willing potential soulmates waiting for you over at PrisonerLife Personals, Meet-An-Inmate or the not exactly subtle Ladies of the Pen. And the good thing about dating someone in jail? You never have to wonder where they are!
Family members said 16-month-old Miranda Boll's new book, "Potty Time With Elmo," was supposed to teach an interactive lesson using voice commands. However, when the book's buttons are pressed, it reportedly says something it is not supposed to: "Who wants to die?"
Commercial & video director Javier Prato brings us the beautifully shot & ever-so-danceable short film Jesus Christ, The Musical. Alas, poor Jesus just never seems to catch a break.
I'm totally going to Hell for posting this, but it made me laugh for about a half an hour. I lived in LA for a long time, so I must confess that my favorite thing about this video is watching the reactions of shocked tourists on Hollywood Blvd. Say what you want about the town, but watching creative people freak out innocent Hollywood tourists in the name of a politically incorrect laugh? Good times.
So you say you really want to give yourself a makeover in 2006. But hospital visits are expensive... and honestly, who has time to go onto one of those reality shows?
I've always dreamed of being in a movie or on TV. I grew up like most people in their 40's watching everything from Dragnet to Twilight Zone and dreaming "I can do that if just given the chance"... I close my eyes and see "DEAD BODY...played by... ME!"
...I can lay there and be dead. I can achieve my dream by being shot, stabbed, drugged, mugged, mangled, strangled or any other scenario you can think of. I can even recite lines if needed. As you have probably already guessed, I am not shy at all.
Sometimes being nice is just overrated. It gets tiring, y'know? I mean, Catwoman had MUCH more fun than Batgirl, right? Wouldn't it be easier to just turn Evil?
Well, before taking the leap to the dark side, first you should take this handy quiz to find out your aptitude for it. (Some people really aren't cut out for evil, you know.)
Still interested? Here's your complete textbook on how to become a force of darkness.
Need more help figuring out your evil plan for world domination? Here it is.
Planning on a trip to the Magic Kingdom but your pesky IBS is acting up? Fret not. Check out this comprehensive guide to the restrooms of Disneyland, complete with photos!
Facilities are rated according to flush type, amount of stalls/urinals, faucets, changing tables and mirrors. Oh, and the women's bathroom is also rated on color scheme... because we chicks care about stuff like that.
This picture totally made the web site a little stupider.
Frozen Joe has a great idea. I think he's serious. Go check it out and support the living hell out of him, because this is the future, for real. I'll give you a hint as to what his site is all about:
Ever wondered how many sticks of buttter you need to eat to become a world champion? Before dashing off to eat more cow brains than anyone else, you might want to check in with the World Federation of Competative Eating first.
Alka-Seltzer knows where to put their sponsorship dollars - how long before the champion eaters are wearing Hormel logo hats?
