Pope Benedict is celebrating midnight mass at Saint Peter's Basilica in Vatican City, calling on everyone to remember the plight of abused and neglected children across the world / Reuters.
"Usually, runners carbo-load before a race. These runners in El Salvador get loaded. 71 alcoholics guzzled a bunch of grain alcohol and took off. The top three racers won free trips to an alcoholic rehab center. All of the runners received shoes, shirts, food and Christmas baskets for having participated in the race."
Ok, wait. So they are competing to get into rehab but they have to drink first? And the fastest drunk wins? Why don't we have things like this?
Well, things are a little more difficult in Beirut nowadays... even for poor Santa. Looks like this year he had to hire a cab to tow his sleigh (which has seen better days, might I add) through town. (And he brought his twin brothers along...?)
I'm not a huge Jay Leno Show fan (especially 'cuz one of my friends works for the show & I don't like how they treat him... grrr). I DO, however, love eccentric, wisecracking old people. So I LURVE me some Fruitcake Lady & I'm thrilled when Jay features her! Enjoy.
This video of how cocaine is made isn't what's stupid. After watching exactly how it's made, anyone who takes cocaine seems stupid. This is the best anti-drug video ever.
Just because I can, may I present you with a gyrating Erik Estrada (as CHIPS very own Ponch!) joining the late Laura Branigan onstage for a duet. And yes, she is singing about going "down." Ummm... what?
Allrighty. So some guy in the UK lost his mind and decided to change his name. His original name was David Fearn. He wanted something catchier, so he changed his name to A LISTING OF EVERY SINGLE JAMES BOND FILM EVER MADE. For those of you without these such things memorized, that means the man now goes by: James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Ser vice Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies TheWorld Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. To save time, people will just nickname him "idiot."
On CSI Miami, David Caruso can deliver a one-liner like nobody's business... as this brilliant video compilation very clearly shows. Watch him take off his glasses! Watch him put them on! And watch the drama enfold! YEEEEEAHHHHHH!
This video is so damned enjoyable, now I never have to endure another episode of the show! YEEEEEAHHHHHH!
Last night at around 11:30pm, campus police asked a male student in the UCLA library to leave after he was unable to produce his student ID card upon request. He did not leave immediately. Soooo, naturally they took out their tasers and stunned him repeatedly, then carrying him away by force. For sitting in a library.
Brilliant use of force. Not overkill at all.
Naturally, one of the witnesses had a cameraphone at the ready. I found it excruciating to watch, but it follows. At one point (in between screams) you can hear the student yell: "Here's your Patriot Act, here's your f&*$ing abuse of power!" Seems to me that this kid's got the rest of his college education paid for once the lawsuit's over.
A few days ago, we met GREAT ACTOR Brian Atene. I was afraid that he had languished in obscurity, howeer I'm happy to say that it appears dear Brian is still in fine form and would like to update us on his current situation. Enjoy.
Oh my Lord. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. The pain, the pain.
Back in the early 80s, Director Stanley Kubrick was searching throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to star in Full Metal Jacket. Apparently he put an ad in Variety encouraging people to send in their audition tapes. When Brian Atene, he of the Juillard School, perhaps the finest acting institution in the world, took him up on this offer... I'm sure Stanley Kubrick wondered if this was such a good idea.
His "cutting" from The Outsiders makes me think of Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade. "Mmmmmhuh. Ponyboy? I sure could go for some of those french fried 'taters... Mmmmmmhuh."
In a time where even Saved By The Bell's annoying Screech has a "celebrity" sex tape, who's to be surprised that even Sesame Street stars have a seamy underbelly? In this case, a red furry one. The above video may be NSFW, as it contains naked Elmos in compromising positions. You've been warned.
Wow, Japanese men sure have some kooky anaconda-like eating habits. Maybe it's just me, but I'm definitely not craving a burger now... a nice dainty salad sounds good.
So, Chris Brooker of The Guardian is very upset about Justin Timberlake's new song "Sexy Back." Not that he doesn't have a point about the lyrics. It's just really nice for him get upset about Justin Timberlake so we don't have to. He's angry for all of us, and it's fun to read! Now I don't have to trouble my pretty little mind about Justin Timberlake's dumb lyrics. Thank you Chris.
I usually let pop lyrics slide right by me, but I will say this though... remember that Clay Aiken song about being Invisible? Clay Aiken aside that song still creeps the Hell out of me out every time I hear it. He wants to be invisible just so he can watch a girl in her room? Ewww. (With Clay, "girl" is probably code for "guy," but the lyrics are still just plain icky & stalkerish.) No surprise to me that it made the list of 50 Worst Songs Ever. (Of course, "ever" means within the last 20 years -- I doubt they're including flops of the 1920s.)
Yes it's true. Amazon.com is selling milk. And boy howdy is it getting some GREAT reviews! (Although only 764 so far, not quite enough to form an educated purchasing decision.)
Here's one...
There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That's the kind of milk that says that it's real. It's right. It's whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that's what you do with milk. There's nothing better than milk - well except maybe radishes.
But alas, everything is not bright and shiny in the world of Tuscan whole milk. It has also caused a great deal of heartbreak. As evidenced by this reviewer's dark & sordid tale...
My name is Zach, a former employee of Tuscan Dairy Products.
To understand why I'm writing this we must go into further detail of why I am not currently employed by Tuscan Dairy Products at this juncture.
My position at Tuscan Dairy Products was called "Container Control Specialist". Basically, my job requirements were to hold an empty one gallon jug while it was being filled with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I know what you're thinking, "DREAM JOB". You couldn't be more right.
At first my job at Tuscan Whole Milk was exciting and fun. Nothing pleased me more than getting up in the morning knowing "I'm about to see the most magnificent and wonderful substance on earth". All I could think about was Tuscan Whole Milk, and that is where my life started its death spiral into the Abyss of dank, musky and pure Tuscan Whole Milk.
From the beginning my wife was jealous of me. She loved Tuscan Whole Milk, as we all do. But something pained her inside when I would mention Tuscan Whole Milk. She was bored with her job at SuperCuts. Upon arriving at home each day she would say exactly the following "What happened at work today, and give me DETAILS?" She was crazed for Tuscan Whole Milk, much like a crystal meth addict. She longed for the thick, cold and ever so beautiful taste of Tuscan Whole Milk.
But the jealousy had gone too far. After fulfilling my duties at work, my supervisor Jim decided to let me go home early. This is where it starts. I arrived at my homestead with my usual 2 jugs in hand(s), only to hear a moaning coming from our master bathroom. Furious, I barged into the room only to see my wife... Her insides filled to the brim with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I immediately filed for divorce and left my wife.
I got an apartment closer to work so I could spend more time with Tuscan Whole Milk. I was on a slippery slope. I would drink nothing but Tuscan Whole Milk until I vomited. I knew I had a problem, and the first step was admitting it. I was addicted to Tuscan Whole Milk. Being bloated, feeling sick, excessive diarrhea, lung disease, and milk lips are all symptoms of Tuscan Whole Milk abuse.
I had to quit my job at Tuscan Dairy Products to stay away from Tuscan Whole Milk. I am currently working at Ned's Video on Auburn and Sunrise as the Video Tape Rewinder. Its part time and the pay is bad, but at least it keeps me away from Tuscan Whole Milk.
Please kids, be safe and limit your consumption of Tuscan Whole Milk to a gallon a day.
Combine Baby Looney Tunes with The Archies, then add Dick Cheney's "Penguin" impersonation and some Guantanamo-style torture silliness (in the name of a good patriotic lunch!)... and you have this episode of Little George Bush on Hot Dog Day! Wheeee! (Note: it's stupid & could offend. But look at the name of this website. Deal with it!)
PARIS, Sept. 3 (UPI) -- Passengers on a flight from France to Mauritius have filed suit against Air France after musician Bonnie Tyler performed a song at the request of the co-pilot.
The passengers, believed to be Belgian, complained to the airline after the Welsh singer performed part of her 1983 hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at the request of the co-pilot, who retired after the flight, The Mail on Sunday reported.
"I was asleep in First Class. The stewardess came and said the co-pilot was retiring. And they asked me would I sing to him. They were having a bit of a party," Tyler said.
The complaining passengers reportedly claimed they were traumatized by the experience and had feared for their safety during the celebration. The complaint eventually escalated into a legal dispute.
An Air France official said: "The claim against Air France, which it completely rejects, is that the celebrations got more and more unruly and came to a climax when Bonnie sang.
"Air France is saying that any suggestion there was anything more than a few slaps on the back for the co-pilot is nonsense, and it completely rejects the claims that the passengers were at any sort of risk."
Ok, who couldn't use a Magic 8 Ball dressed up as pink Jesus!? Answer Me Jesus offers "20 different answers to help you choose the righteous path. Ask a question and turn him over the answer you seek magically appears. Your personal Jesus will respond with wisdom such as “Have faith”, “Yes my child”, or “Sinner.” So next time you are pondering one of life's many dilemmas find out what Jesus would do and repent no more!"
Oh yes, it's almost time for the opening of Snakes on a Plane. You readers (all one of you) know I've been on this Samuel L. Jackson MF bandwagon from day one. While the fun of SOAP will no doubt come to a screeching halt when the movie actually comes out, here is one last laugh for good measure... yes... that's right, friends... better than Snakes on a Board Game, it's Snakes on a Cake.
Brilliant! Not sure why, but it just doesn't get old...
Ok, this isn't so much stupid as just interesting to me. I've been to a lot of countries and I've seen a lot of street hawkers (salesmen) in my life. No matter where you go around the world, there are people finding any creative way possible to make a living. But apparently men in the Congo have found that giving eachother manicure/pedicures is a profitable job.
"I do not mind getting my nails done by the roadside - the dirt won't get in," Guylain says.
"That is why I have a manicure - to keep my nails clean and protect them."
"One reason why I like to look good is to forget the dirt and poverty which surrounds me," he says.
Testament to the universal healing powers of a good mani/pedi...
I am not a fan of People Magazine unless I'm in the waiting room of a doctor's office. But nonetheless, I'm digging this little feature on stars before they were famous. Why? Because of the photo on the left. If that kid could eventually become George Clooney, then there are miracles on the Earth after all. Yay!
You can't get hummus without mashing some chickpeas.
Posted at 1:16:58 PM on August 10, 2006
I'm really happy to see that the Daily Show is bringing on a middle eastern correspondent to put everything into perspective. Birth pangs! Yay! Inshallah!
While wandering through Italy a few months ago, I found a great deal of entertainment from the discovery of the Calendario Romano... a calendar featuring the (I'm not kidding here...) hottest priests and holy men in Italy.
I thought nothing could top it. It was just too bizarre. I was wrong.
Hey ladies... better watch out! One look at these hunks and their mysteriously disappearing shirts and you might just need an autopsy... on your broken heart!
When stupid names are outlawed, only outlaws will have stupid names.
Posted at 1:24:00 PM on July 30, 2006
According to the BBC..."Malaysian authorities have published a list of undesirable titles to prevent parents giving their children names such as Hitler, smelly dog or 007."
Sooo... President Putin held the aforementioned public webcast and has provided some answers to his people. Regarding the tummy-kissed boy mentioned below? "I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten."Ummm... all righty. No word yet on his opinions regarding giant octopi & war robots, though.
Russian President Vlademir Putin is submitting himself to an unprecedented live webcast interview with the Russian people today. Questions were submitted via the internet, with a promise that the most-asked questions would be addressed by the President.
So what do Russians want to know? Are they concerned with the upcoming G8 summit? Russia's decision not to legalize marijuana? Iran's nuclear capabilities? The economy? The price of vodka? Uhhhh... nope.
“What was achieved by your kissing the little boy Nikita on the stomach?” was one question with 14,470 people voting for it to be forwarded to the President.
Mr Putin baffled Russians and Westerners alike last week when he stopped a young boy who was walking through the Kremlin, asked his name (it was Nikita) and then lifted his T-shirt and kissed his stomach. Some political analysts speculate that it was a clumsy attempt to soften Mr Putin’s image with some “baby-kissing” PR moves.
Oh, but here is my FAVORITE part...
The leading question, with 17,066 votes, was would the President use “giant, humanoid war robots” (!?) to defend Russia? The third favourite, with 11,401 votes, was what he thought about the Cthulhu, a giant octopus invented by the novelist H. P. Lovecraft.
Wow. I wish I could say that the only concerns I have about my President were belly kisses, fictional octopuses and war robots...
"When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that's the testament of a champion and great athlete."
We are Pee&Poo! Escapees from the bathroom, we are entering the world on a journey filled with new adventures. Maybe we can stay with you for a while? No? Well then, buy some of our stuff!
My unabashed favorite still-yet-to-be-released Samuel L. Jackson reptile film has already inspired a lame, obviously unlicensed board game! You can pre-order your own copy now. Yay!
"Cobras in the Cockpit is a game based on a fictional movie where YOU play the SNAKES! Your objective: throw the plane into chaos! You will hiss, rattle, squeeze, and bite your way through the plane, earning points for each section you throw into chaos. But other snakes will try to stop you, so watch out!"
Maury Povich selflessly helps a girl deal with her greatest fear. What is she scared of? Snakes? Spiders? Heights? Death? Noooooo... guess again! Pickles!
Petrica, a web-savvy Romanian cat, has declared Madonna to be the Antichrist on her blog. It's so refreshing to see a housepet who really takes a stand on things!
And for more international cat angst... the Netherlands brings us the Hitler cats. (I'm reminded of an old Far Side cartoon.) Cats are so stoic that it's kind of creepy... so I actually really want to see them do a "Hitler puppies" site. I'd just really, really like to see Hitler with his tongue hanging out as he's frantically gnawing on a chew toy. But maybe that's just me.
Okay, so it's 10pm here in the Bay area... I'm officially not too late to post this! Here are the Top 100 April Fool's Day Pranks.
By the way, in case anyone is wondering where I've disappeared to... I've been finishing a major work project and am preparing to leave for a 7-week trip overseas on April 16. I'll be going to egypt, Turkey, Greece, Croatia, and Austria. And... I'll be keeping a fancy weblog of my adventure so please feel free to check it out!
Wow. I'm as romantic as the next girl... but Kevin honey, I think it's time to walk towards the white light. There are other fish in the sea, I swear! Trust me on this...
Please keep your snakes in their upright and locked positions
Posted at 1:16:37 PM on March 17, 2006
As the two people who read my previous post may recall, I'm all hot for Samuel J. Jackson. Fighting snakes. On a plane. And really, who wouldn't be?!? What are you, insane? That's just a formula for good entertainment if ya ask me.
And it looks like the official trailer for Snakes on a Plane is finally out on the internet! Seriously, if you've ever longed to see a CGI snake slither from a fat woman's cleavage? I'm telling you, this is the film for you!
After escaping the box he was trapped in, Ken buried his face in his hands and cried. "That was a close one..." he sighed. "I almost didn't make it out."
Is that a lightsaber in your hand or are you happy to meet me?
Hey folks! I've been on deadline for work & busy planning my vacation... anybody miss me? Oh, of course you did. Don't play coy with me. I missed you too!!! :D
***************************************** Looking for a lover who can whisper sweet nothings in Klingon? You're in luck! Welcome to Trek Passions, the first 100% Free Dating & Personals site for Trekkies!
It's so logical... I mean, who could possibly need a date more?
Years ago I watched Harvey Fierstein in the musical version of Hairspray on Broadway. He was great! Since he left the show, the role of Mrs. Turnblad has been played by Bruce Vilanch (of Hollywood Squares fame) and comedian John Pinette. See any similarities? They're all kinda portly guys, just like Divine was. And... a little bit... gregarious shall we say?
Ok, so now they're making a movie based on the musical which was based on a movie (apparently they learned nothing from The Producers). So do they call on Harvey to reprise his role? Nah. Of course not. They hire John Freaking Travolta.
The above photo is an actual still from an actual movie that will actually be called "Snakes on A Plane." Yesss!
For those of you on the edge of your seats waiting for the highly anticipated Samuel L. Jackson thriller Snakes on a Plane (aka "S.O.A.P."), you're not alone. (C'mon... a mafia witness, Samuel L. Jackson. a plane & SNAKES! How could this not be a HIT?)
Thanks to impatient fans, an unofficial rough cut of the film has been created! Yay!
Actor Jack Wild has passed away tragically. But to me he'll always be a cockney kid in bright clothes named Jimmy who was best friends with a really whiny talking flute and an overly effemenate redneck dragon that thought it was a cowboy. In my office, I have the official HR Pufnstuf soundtrack (it's a 45) on a shelf. Man, I loved that show. (I even have a t-shirt from Nick-at-Nite's "Puf-a-palooza!") But of course then I watched it as an adult and thought... "My lord, what kind of drugs was I taking as a child? Was I totally insane?!?" (The answer is... probably.)
I didn't believe it was possible, however I guess people really do fall for those Nigerian scams. But hey, I suppose even a prominent millionaire psychiatrist* can have a weakness for politely-if-poorly written, fanciful e-mails from stranger asking to launder money being kept from rebel leaders in Sierra Leone. I mean, it's not like his family's gonna mind, right?
The irony here is that this man is the neuroscientist who became famous by "announcing in 1987 that President Reagan had been suffering from diminished mental ability as early as 1980." With all due respect, maybe he would've been better served worrying more about himself. Just sayin'...
The 30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library... in which a troupe of bunnies parodies a collection of movies (19 at current count!) by re-enacting them in 30 seconds, more or less. Now even Brokebackier!
I dunno... cartoon bunnies just never get old for me.
Tomatoes Are Evil is a site entirely dedicated to the anti-tomato crowd... We are not talking about a mild dislike or a medical allergy; but the realization that this fruit is the SPAWN OF SATAN. Cherry, Plum, Beef, Sundried, Green, Organic or home grown; all TOMATOES ARE EVIL.
This isn't stupid at all, it's just really cool. An incredible, feel-good story like this one just can't help but turn even the most stone-cold heart into jello with marshmallows. So beware...
I decided to give these old audio recordings their own post... Co-written by Don Knotts, Arne Sultan and Marvin Worth, the monologues are mostly variations on Don's infamous Nervous Man routine (from Don's Steve Allen days) in different situations, such as a nervous sportscaster or weatherman.
A little side note... I met Don Knotts & his young wife at a wedding in 1994. An old friend of his confessed to me that ol' Barney Fife was quite the ladies man in his day... I didn't believe it, but one look at his wife and I was convinced. Go Barn, go!
Sometimes people get really addicted to reviewing things on Amazon.com, and as I was shopping there tonight, I discovered one such individual (the gender is confusing on the reviews...). As I started reading the reviews... from the personal love letters to Drew Barrymore & Danielle Briseboise, to the idyllic 70s memories inspired by Sigmund & The Sea Monsters videos, to the descriptions of fabulous "MirrorVision" business ventures... all I can say is that this is definitely a unique human being with varied interests.
Garry has five pages of reviews so there's a lot to sort through, but here's a review of a book on advertising mascots.
Let's change the Morton Salt Add!-Cari Hixon, Garry Hixon, October 25, 2004 Let's put Rain pants on the Morton Salt Girl and etch much more rain all over the package. Let's get a real person behind the logo. Let's do away with the sundress and put pants on her, girls don't wear dresses anymore and never did. I am Cari Hixon,Garry Hixon and will keep pushing the issue until they take my new add! I'm hopping mad and until these corporate scums put the real Morton Salt kid on there, Me!-I will sue them in Civil Court by using my likeness and making millions that I never see!-Lets fix the Morton Salt add-Cari Hixon, I mean Garry Jr. The real Morton Salt face-drew barrymore-take that Rahmm and Hass-hello to my friend Richard Peabody and Andy Warhol(Campells soup)
I first became familiar with the writing of Christopher Monks back when the Pat O'Brien phone call scandal happened. Chris started up a totally brilliant blog called Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien. It was so brilliantly funny in fact, that I STILL find myself saying something is "so not better than Night Court!", cursing my imaginary monkey assistant, and imagining Joaquin Phoenix dressed up like an Inuit... even though I read it nearly a year ago.
Well, when the Pat O'Brien blog ended, I decided to check out Mr. Monks' other writings and I read through his McSweeney's-ish fantasy fan letters to Star Jones. They were very funny. But unfortunately, people are so uptight nowadays that his hobby of humor writing has been losing job opportunities for him, which stands in the way of his ability to support his family.
Now that, my friends... is TOTALLY STUPID. I just wanted to say that out loud to anyone who might listen. It just makes no sense to me. People seriously need to lighten up.
Christopher Gregory wants to tell you his secrets to finding love. OK, actually not love. Really, he just wants to tell you how to sleep with strippers. Because everyone knows you'll never be a REAL man until you've impressed someone who calls herself Bambi Muffins (You know... that redheaded dancer at Jumbo's Clown Room with the tattoos and track mark bruises? Yeah, her.). And good ol' Chris has your back!
Seducing dancers will NEVER be such a struggle for you again! When you learn and apply the principles and practices of seducing topless dancers like I did, you will not only be successful at attracting all the dancers you desire – BUT – You will be a verifiable and well-known STUD in their world. And everyone knows that when you're a stud in the world of strippers? Total success in life is only a lapdance away!
She's tiny! She's a cartoon! And she's got a chair stuck to her butt! That's hot!
**Warning... some of the ads on this Italian webpage are NSFW**
Different men are attracted to different things. Apparently someone out there is attracted to pixelated women who have been glued to chairs. Nooo... I don't get it either.
Eyal Zusman (30) and Amitai Sandy (29), graphic artist and publisher of Dimona Comix Publishing, from Tel-Aviv, Israel, have followed the unfolding of the “Muhammad cartoon-gate” events in amazement, until finally they came up with the right answer to all this insanity –– and so they announced today the launch of a new anti-Semitic cartoons contest -– this time drawn by Jews themselves!
“We’ll show the world we can do the best, sharpest, most offensive Jew hating cartoons ever published!” said Sandy “No Iranian will beat us on our home turf!”
Actually this contest is the least stupid thing I've heard of in a while... It's kinda brilliant.
On March 12th and June 10th, 2006 cities across the world will experience the naked joy of the worlds largest naked protest against oil dependency and car culture in the history of humanity.
On a hot Friday afternoon outside Jerusalem in ad33, a 33-year old peasant-teacher named Jesus of Nazareth was executed by Roman soldiers. 1,944 years later, on August 16th, 1977, a 42-year old entertainer named Elvis Presley was found dead in his palatial bathroom at Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee.
On the surface, there should be no connection. Yet there IS...
Oh, to be in my 20s again. That age where people are wacky enough to yell "I QUIT!" over the company intercom, run and jump around like a spaz, and have a friend videotape the whole thing to have documented proof of just how cool it is.
Of course, with my luck, my friend would also continue videotaping the aftermath too... the part where I stop laughing, have to start sifting through want ads circling everything from food service to telemarketing & begin to have crying jags because I have no rent money. Oh, and then the part where I end up repeatedly hitting my head against the wall, wishing I hadn't been such an idiot to quit my crappy job.
Japanese people like ice cream. A lot. And the Japanese palate runs... umm... towards flavors that seem a little bit unusual to the rest of us sometimes. So that said, welcome to the wacky world of bizarre japanese ice creams. It's not a land where the faint of stomach should dine.
With 21 flavors to choose from, I'm thinking this is a job for Steve.
When you're surfing the web and happen upon a nicely designed church-affiliated website... do you feel a slight tingly sensation? A little weak in the knees? Does your heart beat a little faster? Well, at HotOrNot Churchsites.com, you can rate churches websites against eachother. May the holiest graphic interface win!
Y'know... somehow I never would've predicted the hotornot phenomenon ever taking in this direction.
For $2.99, you can get this great Confederate flag bottlecap necklace. Perfect for that sexy, classy lady in your life.
Think the South shoulda won? Have I got a store for you!
Confederate Warehouseused to only work with wholesale clients, but now they've opened a retail store for your shopping convenience. The variety of selection at the new Dixie Store is quite impressive really. Need some Confederate golf balls? Curtains? Tablecloths? Jewelry? Belt buckles? Flags? Playing cards? Flasks? Mudflaps? Hats? Underwear?
Personally, I think I'm going for this t-shirt. No, I'm not a marine. And I'm actually quite lean. Plus I'm very mean. That's why it's funny.
Young lovers in China's largest city, Shanghai, are turning to cosmetic surgery as a Valentine's Day present... Liu Yan, 24, and her 28-year-old boyfriend had matching nose jobs a fortnight before Valentine's Day, China Daily said.
"I suggested it as a way of celebrating our relationship and bringing us closer together with a special kind of bond," the paper quoted Ms Liu as saying. Riiigggghhhht.
Conan O'Brien & President Tarja Halonen of Finland
A no-doubt overwhelmed Conan O'Brien landed in Finland today. "There hasn't been anything like this seen at the airport since Paul Anka", said one police officer, referring to the teen idol's visit in the 1950s.
At this point, I don't even know what to say about the bizarre cycle of events that have turned Conan O'Brien into a freakishly popular Finnish cultural icon... it all just cracks me up to no end.
Three Kings! Jesus and Elvis and Dale in Eternity! Presley and Earnhardt reflect on their destiny! On a mousepad!
A photo of Jesus with Grandpa Bill already rests on your mantle. Is your decor now simply aching for a velvet painting, charcoal sketch or even a mousepad of Jesus and his celebrity friends? Well, here you go!(Although admittedly, they look more like photoshop collages to me).
Jesus and Elvis meet Diana and Mother Theresa at the Gates of Heaven! Jesus and Elvis holding hands somewhere beyond the blue! Jesus, Elvis, and Dale Earnhardt talking NASCAR! They're all there for your purchasing pleasure!
Ok, so it looks like Bono* of U2 has painted himself orange, moved to picturesque Port Talbot, Wales (birthplace of the late Richard Burton & Sir Anthony Hopkins), and opened a museum dedicated to baked beans.
*Ok, it might not be Bono. Unless Bono legally changed his name to Captain Beany from Planet Beanus... which apparently this guy has.
In late 19th & early 20th century Russia, GregoryEfimovichRasputin was a famous guy(warning: bottom of the page has a photo of his corpse). Not only was he incredibly difficult to murder, dare I say he remains legendary for his powers with women to this day (warning #2: photo of his...umm... most famous asset, pickled in a museum).
Flash forward to 1978... who could possibly be more deserving of a disco tribute than Rasputin! Russia's greatest love machine!? This catchy tune was sung by Boney M, who occasionally looked a lot like OJ Simpson.
Oh my Gosh! I just won $1.98 and a bunch of carrots! I think I'll hug this crazy gay man with the handlebar moustache & bad toupee!
1970s icon, the Prince of Pandemonium Rip Taylor was named Las Vegas "Entertainer of the Year" three years in a row in the 1970s. Before graduating to confetti, Rip started by throwing things like string beans, marshmallows and peanuts at the audience, who ended up throwing them back at him. He turned 72 last month and if his website (including video blog) is any hint, he's as wacked out as ever.
Master Sensei Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
Posted at 11:27:55 PM on February 11, 2006
Is your chi a little funky? Karma feeling down?
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks... Now available in Cherry Charge and Asian Experience.*
One sip and you'll be back to roundhouse-kicking coworkers through plate glass windows before you know it!
This dress is Lydia's most popular. It's got a catchy name, too: Majestic Yochanan - God's Majestic Grace.
The choice of a URL name can make or break any internet business. It should be easy to remember and give people an idea of the services you offer. When seamstress Lydia of Purple chose a website name to market her "Modest Homeschooling Christian Clothing," I guess she figured she'd go for the latter & forget about that whole "catchy" thing. One out of two ain't bad, really.
Not sure if Grandpa Bill went to Heaven but you're really, really hoping he did? Well Heavenly Images can provide some visual confirmation to ease your mind.
Continuing with the 1970s flashbacks... anybody feel like watching a strange British guy with an Emu puppet on his arm repeatedly attack, choke, and try to drown a Dutch television host? Well here you go.
Those of you from Britain no doubt have strong memories of Rod Hull & Emu's shtick. Even though Mr. Hull passed away in 1999 (fell off the roof of his house!), you can still buy emu toys there.
Personally, I remember Emu from The Hudson BrothersRazzle Dazzle Show (circa 1975). To a little kid, the concept of an attack puppet is strangely brilliant... before long, all of my puppets suddenly began attacking my sisters.
The 1970s were filled with people with perfectly feathered hair. Want to relive those Barbara Cooper/Farrah/Parker Stevenson-inspired days of yore? Want to check out the feathered hairstyles of the present? Or do you just need some inspiration for your own feathered hair of the future? Well trek on over to The Feathered-Back Hair Site. Groovy!
Many Christians believe that animals do not go to heaven. So when Jesus comes back and you return with him to heaven, will there be somebody to take care of your dog or cat?
If you have a non-Christian family member, they might take care of your pet, but if not, have you made any plans? Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?
A six-year-old boy was suspended from school for three days after officials said he sexually harassed a girl in his first-grade class.
"My son told the principal, 'Are police going to get me? What did I do wrong?'" Dorinvil said. "I'm confused because I really don't know what this is about."
Jesus, this poor kid is going to be too freaked out to ever touch another girl. His high school years are gonna be rough...
When I was a kid in the 70s I really loved cartoons, and people back then REALLY loved Ziggy. (I guess the 700 Club still does...) Things just never went right for that little bald cartoon man (Boy? Kid? How old IS he, anyhow?). Good times!
So today I decided to revisit Ziggy's cartoon world. But you know what? I've left that world realizing that the wonder of ziggy is mostly just how we ever found him funny. Is it just me?
Hi, I am Wing! I immigrated to New Zealand with my family about ten years ago from Hong Kong. I have been learning singing in New Zealand and I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals and occasionally promotional concerts as I go along.
I've been a dedicated fan of Wing's unique singing for many, many years. I've been on her mailing list since LONG before she had her own South Park episode. Listening to her always makes me strangely happy, even when some of the notes she hits cause a small trickle of blood to flow from my ears. It brings me joy that people have talked her into covering AC/DC. I just adore living in a world where Wing exists.
So IMAGINE my joy when yesterday Wing sent out an e-mail announcing the release of her new album... WING SINGS ELVIS!!! With me doing this whole Elvis theme and all, it feels like a gift from God.
So all of that said, may I now present... Wing singing "In The Ghetto." Life is so wonderful sometimes!
With this year's Super Bowl over and all of its advertising dollars spent, let's flashback to the scandal of last year, shall we? In the wake of wardrobe malfunction mania, the most controversial banned tv ad of last year wasn't about tank top straps.... oh no. Try again.
The offending spot I'm referring to was for Airborne, and featured a then-85-year-old Mickey Rooney's bare behind as he ran from a coughing woman in a coed (?) steamroom. Caused quite a scandal, too... he was even on the Today Show to discuss it.
Elvis Visits the Polls Sighted By: Ronny Bauer Location: Baghdad, Iraq Date: February, 2005
ELVIS #8
In May 2000, Ronny Bauer sold all of his belongings, quit his job, said farewell to his band and left to undertake "the ultimate journey," The Search for Elvis.
His goal? "I will circle the globe to find all the people and places that still have The Spirit of the King in their hearts." He's currently looking for Elvis in Essaouira, Morocco through April.
You've gotta give him a hand for dedication... I'm surprised he hasn't found the guy yet!
Sure, it sounds like an angry fly in a rainstorm, but don't be fooled, darlin'. It's just disembodied, floating, sneering Elvis heads that will answer all of your deepest, darkest questions from beyond the grave.
Upstairs at Graceland, or The Day I Met the King... a tale of romance (with Elvis' secret offspring no less, who apparently lives upstairs at Graceland a la Flowers in the Attic).
Finnish Doctor Ammondt has mixed his unique linguistic skills with his love for rock and roll by translating Elvis' music into ancientlanguages. I wish there were mp3s!
The Latin CD features hits such as Quate, Crepa, Rota (Shake, Rattle and Roll), Ursus Taddeus (Teddy Bear), Nunc Distrahor (All Shook Up), and Ne Saevias (Don't Be Cruel)
Anyone who's seen Honeymoon in Vegas is familiar with their aeronautic glory... but for those of you who are out of the loop, let me introduce you to The Flying Elvi!!!
The Flying ELVI is a ten member skydiving team... They combine a spine tingling aerial skydiving performance of smoke trails, pyrotechnic fireworks, and precision maneuvers with an over-the-top entertaining stage show.
And in case you were wondering, the Flying ELVI are officially licensed by Elvis Presley Enterprises®.
Do you desperately miss the presence of Elvis' pelvis on this Earth? Well, you too can sign the petition to have Elvis Presley cloned. FYI, there's a suggested donation of $5.
I began last month with posts about dancing. What's this month's theme, you ask? Well thank you for asking. For no reason in particular, I shall be featuring tributes to a man who's now been dead for 29 years. Yep, it's... ELVIS! I shall be "T.C.B." by occasionally sharing tales of society's undying love for Elvis, people who live off of Elvis, and any other suitable Elvis craziness I find. Why? Because even after almost three decades there is just so darn much of it!
Maybe I have a sick mind. I don't know. but I just saw a commercial for Disney on Ice's Finding Nemo show, and I couldn't help but cringe. I mean, look at the photo on the left. Don't the eyeballs just kinda look... ummm... a little too strategically placed? Didn't the costume designers even notice? This is a kids' show, for Christ's sake!!!
Have you always wanted to be a Klingon? Well there are websites to help you speak Klingon or just look like one. Work hard and you can even take part in the Klingon Summer Games. And if you just need help trying to communicate with a Klingon? Well, there's an online Klingon translator that also covers Romulan (Rihannsu), Vulcan, and Esperanto.
Just for the record, the pottery at Color Me Mine isn't half as crazy delicious as a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery, but macchiatos are pretty darned tasty.
I really don't know why people give Britney Spears such a hard time for marrying Kevin Federline. After watching this video, I realize he just reminds me of guys I knew in college. Of course that said, those were guys that I wouldn't let touch me no matter how drunk I was because they were annoying as Hell, wouldn't stop saying stupid things, were perpetually unemployed, & never bathed enough. So on second thought, Britney Spears really has awful taste in men.
I have to admit that I think Salon kinda nailed it on this one. The forced "synergy" of urban R&B and figure skaters is kind of obvious in this video clip. (view short ad first, sorry). Sometimes two "great tastes" just don't taste so yummy together, y'know?
Here's what they had to say: ...this clip from this weekend's "Sarah Hughes & Friends" seemed like a breakthrough of sorts, in that it actually boasted back-up singing from Ashanti... and it displayed a spine-tingling culture clash we can best describe as "TRL" meets the Lawrence Welk Show dancers.
But first, let's all sing the theme song together, shall we? "Lite Brite, makin' thiiings with liiiiiggghhht. What a sight, makin' things with Lite Brite!"
There used to be a guy who would sit in front of the Chinese Theater in Hollywood wearing a tinfoil helmet. One day while waiting for a movie, my friends and I spent some time being enlightened by him in regards to how a well-made hat of aluminum foil is proven protection for the human brain from all forms of radiation and alien mind control. (A theory that's even been tested by engineers from MIT's Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department.)
After being in front of the theater every day for years, one day I noticed that tinfoil helmet guy had disappeared & never returned. I have always wondered if maybe he took off his hat for a minute one day & the inevitable happened...
Do you want protection from mind control but lack confidence in your ability to make a good, functional tinfoil helmet? Just buy one ready-made! And hey, don't forget to buy a couple more just for your pets. It's a proven fact... puppies that are under alien-mind control aren't half as good at fetching squeaky toys.
I suppose everyone has their own little fantasy. If seeing girls get their cars stuck in the mud just happens to be yours, then have I got a website for you!
The Daily Wav's concept is simple... every day Hunter Elliott puts random soundclips on the web for your listening pleasure. Or as he describes it, "11 years of forcing my annoying hobby on you and your cubemates!"
I spent some quality time visiting a friend in Denmark in 1996. I experienced Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen and Legoland in Billund, but I am devastated to find that I missed what is arguably the best Danish amusement park of all... Bon Bon Land. Well, that is, if you rate your amusement parks based on how much they're themed on boobs, farting, peeing and pooping.
You can take a lovely photo tour of Bon Bon Land by clicking here(be sure to catch the signs they have for the bathrooms). The park also features rides like The Dog Fart Switchback (which actually farts on you), The Horse Dropping, The Rubbish Dump, The Gull-Dropping Cycle, and many more.
Man, I just love other countries. They totally rock.
ETA... I just had a flashback to my trip in 1996. I was at a youth hostel and found this candy called Store Babser in a vending machine... they were literally little gummy boobs. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, so I bought about five packages for friends. As I was going through the photo gallery, I was wondering why Bon Bon Land's buxom cow looked really familiar! Now I get it!
This site is a place for you to upload and browse a unique type of photo that we like to call the Jowler. These fun pictures are created when the subject of a photo shakes their head really fast while the picture is taken...
Oh, those crazy French people. They've got some wacky ideas. I think it's best to let them explain these products in their own words... so here goes.
Organic objects seamless, in synthetic human skin, Limited series, or on demand and made to measure. Skin-related Bags, Accessories and OverGarnments, a successful alchemy between the captivating and the repulsive for a sensuel fashion without complacency.
G o r e + C h i c = V e r y C h i c
SkinBag is presented like a mutation proposal. It is a type of discarded skin which retains an identity.
Fainting Goats are a slightly smaller version of the standard goat, who, believe it or not, thanks to a genetic condition called myotonia congenita, actually seem to faint when they are startled.
As strange as this may sound, these little critters have actually served an historical purpose. Shepherds often kept the goats in with their flocks as insurance in case of predator attacks. The theory went something like this- as wolves would come down from the hills to attack a flock of sheep, the goats would become startled and, as per the name of their breed, they would faint. The sheep would make a clean getaway, as the wolves would focus on the stunned goats rather than pursue the fleeing sheep.
Straight from Monty Python & the Holy Grail comes this furry harbinger of doom. Cute, furry, soft, and completely deadly... It looks like a cute little bunny, but pull open its mouth to reveal its hideously deformed teeth. And if that’s not enough, squeeze its leg (if you dare!) to start its evil red eyes flashing.
There's no telling where some words come from... Well, for the most part, I'm guessing we will never know how some words came into origin. But I have come up with a clearly outlined history of the greatest word ever, along with definitions and a useful synonyms list.
Pride. Envy. Wrath, Gluttony and Lust. Sloth and Greed. The seven deadly sins. Countless souls have been eternally damned for succumbing to them. If you are bound for hell, discover what sin will send you there... you may be surprised. You might just learn something new about yourself -- hopefully before it's too late...
I'm too sexy for my strategically-placed sharpeis...
Say what you want about the Hoff, the guy is industrious (and a total spaz. Need proof?). Everyone knows how much Germany loves him... after all, he singlehandedly knocked down the Berlin Wall, for God's sake! (Or did he? Well, no matter.)
This guy's been lucky enough to make a lot of money by talking to a car, running in slow motion on the beach, having Sponge Bob Squarepants literally run up and down his hairy, aging body on the big screen and even, somehow, being allowed to sing and dance on Broadway. (He also has a lot of internet games dedicated to him, as previously noted.) Yes, life is good for the ol' Hoff. So what else is left for him to do but retire and grow old with his family? He's done it all, right?
I'm crossing my fingers for "may not"... a David Hasselhoff rap album is more than I can bear. I can't think of anything worse. Oh, wait... actually, I CAN!
These scraps of paper survived Katrina in my beaten up Mid City home, and as I gaze on them now, they are a poignant reminder of what’s been lost... I wonder how “Tangle Eye” would have done in Salt Lake City or how Mr. “Dolomite” would have been received in Minneapolis... And what about the next generation of “Puddins” and “Stumpies” and “Mumbles” and “Roundheads”? How are they making out right now?
It's 2pm and you still haven't left your cubicle for lunch. Wouldn't a tasty little cake cooked by the warmth of a lightbulb be scrumptious right about now? It seems like computers can do everything, but they sure can't help you when you're hungry... until now.
My parents hosted many a cocktail party in the early years of my life. This was when I learned the profoundly-important lesson... NO SOIREE IS EVER COMPLETE WITHOUT VIENNA SAUSAGES & FONDUE!!!
Ok yeah, so actually I've since learned that this lesson was really, really wrong. But at the time it seemed so right, just so grown up! So for your dining & viewing pleasure (and in honor of my mother the hostess, circa 1970 or so) I present the following illustrated chronicles of gastronomic tragedies of the past. Bon appetit!
Due to a fortuitous laundry mix-up, a pair of used briefs which once "took care" of Elvis Presley's "business" could now be yours. According to former bodyguard Sonny West, "Elvis wore tights under his jumpsuits because he had split his pants several times while performing. He wore this pair sometime in the mid-seventies."
So far no bidders, but bad-spelling may be the problem. They should try contacting this guy... I think he'd be interested. From j-walk
Joe Bravo has become quite well known for his fanciful use of tortillas as a ground for traditional painting. His painstakingly-detailed artwork is particularly tasty with a little bit of cheese and some guacamole. Yum.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules.
Wow, I'm not sure how this poster could suck more...
Production on Rocky 6 has actually begun, and to keep up with these modern times Sylvester Stallone has started a blog for it.
For those of you out of the loop, this is the sequel where Rocky valiantly searches for a decent retirement facility where treatment for all of his old boxing injuries will be fully covered by Medicaid. Should be riveting.
Seriously, in my mind the good news here is that the character of Clubber Lang is apparently going to be included in the plot. 'Cuz everyone knows that anyone who don't looove Mr. T is just full of jibba jabba. And I pity them. Because they're fools.
Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I'm a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don't know is that I'm hot... I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same... Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!
One of the Depression's highest-grossing films was an outrageous fabrication, a scandalous and suggestive gorilla epic that set box office records.
According to the L.A. Times, three years before the original King Kong hit film screens, the much more lurid and horribly racist Ingagi paved the way with much of the plot. Upon initial release, audiences (including Daily Variety) swallowed the film's story whole as fact. Then in 1940 the all-black horror film Son of Ingagi was released in a belated attempt to capitalize on the original film's success.
According to the Times, the few people who have viewed the original Ingagi will never forget the heart-stopping, climactic final scene. In lieu of climbing the Empire State Building, the "persecuted-but-sensitive" creature performs a thrilling tap dance and is crowned unanimous victor at the Apollo Amateur Hour. Oh wait, no, I totally made that up.
On January 14th, tickets go on sale for Lebowski Fest West 2006. I don't relate to being THAT obsessed with any movie, but I personally know of a few quote-spouting fans of The Dude who are probably pooling their cash as I write this.
I am one of those people who gets chills up their spine at the mere thought of someone cracking their knuckles. So I don't ever do it. Rob Manuel, on the other hand, not only cracks his knuckles he'll let you crack them too.
Just make sure I'm out of the room, please... gaaahhhh!
Sure, this clever calendar may be a restaurant promotion, but encouraging the eating of chicken by showing the heroics of noble cattle is sure a Hell of a lot funnier than making some fool in a dirty rooster suit & a garter belt pretend to pee on a couch on demand (Which he will. Ewww).
I am the Professor of Mirth, a certified laughter leader with Laughter Yoga Clubs International. Let me show you how to laugh your stress away! It's okay if you think I'm nuts with all this laughter. I'd rather be a crazy quilt than a wet blanket. Laugh along with me and have fun!
So what is this whole anal constriction therapy he speaks of, and will it really make you happy? Well the always enlightening Tokyo-based Rob Pongi decided to make a party out of giving it a try with his friends, and they definitely don't look depressed at all. So why not just go for it... buy the book and constrict yourself to happiness! Wheeee!
One of the most popular sitcoms for bible study is The Andy Griffith Show. The webmaster of BarneyFife.com, an online inspirational study of the show, explains: "Obviously it is my opinion that The Andy Griffith Show was a very special series, but is it really suitable to be the basis for an inspirational study? Looking back, each show tended to have a good moral theme that was brought out by the story line. Basic values such as character, personal responsibility, honesty, and integrity were routinely exemplified by the show. I believe these characteristics to be uncommon for most television shows past or present." So there.
So with that in mind, what basic values could be learned from a bible study inspired by the catfightalicious prime time soap Dynasty? Well, as one "review" says, "the Alaskan King crab puffs were for which to die!"... and as everyone knows, the Lord loves a good crab puff.
Mamas, it's totally ok to let your babies grow up to be gay cowboys.
Posted at 11:12:22 PM on January 5, 2006
As the Oscars approach, Brokeback Mountain has momentarily brought a minority into the forefront of society. Gay cowboys are suddenly so hip, they've even been seen on eBay(although promptly censored) & have been prompting some clever parodies.
Not a gay cowboy but you think you might like to vacation as one? Then Gay Cowboy Travel is waiting for you! But be prepared... as everyone knows, the range gets lonely... so be sure to bookmark Fitzen.com and GayCowboyCentral.com, the internet's premier gay cowboy dating websites. Not that there's anything at all wrong with that. 'Cuz there's not.
Our friends at The Smoking Gun have picked their favorite mugshots of the year... and they are very special indeed. But if you're craving even more arrest photos, I present you with mugshot mecca.
Just find out you're going to Federal Prison yourself? Well, just pretend you're preparing for a vacation overseas: buy a guidebook and consult with someone who's been there before.
With all of that quality alone-time, prison is a hotbed for creativity & introspection. Interested in what's on the mind of today's convict? Check out The Voice of the Imprisoned. If you're more of a visual soul, The Prison Art Project has all sorts of artwork for your collection. If you're a snob and only like your criminal artists to be of the infamous &/or executed variety however, then MurderAuction.com is the site for you. But one little tip? You're never going to get a girlfriend with THIS hanging on your wall.
On second thought, that statement could be wrong. See, there are lots of willing potential soulmates waiting for you over at PrisonerLife Personals, Meet-An-Inmate or the not exactly subtle Ladies of the Pen. And the good thing about dating someone in jail? You never have to wonder where they are!
Kiefer Sutherland, bad driver and drunken killer of Christmas trees
Ok, so it was the early '90s... I was stuck in traffic on Vine Street in Hollywood. The light turned green and I'm just hitting the gas when a black BMW speeds by from the parking lane and cuts me off from the right, forcing me to brake in a complete panic. Wanting to know what kind of &*%$ would do this, I sped up to see none other than a post-Young GunsKiefer Sutherland staring intently ahead from the wheel. And this was before cel phones so it was really just him being a jerk on purpose. Thus began my personal decade of Kiefer-loathing.
But hey, he's redeemed himself lately right? It was a long time ago that he was cutting people off & being dumped by Julia Roberts. He's got a hit show, a family, he's all growed up and mature!
OR MAYBE NOT. Well, unless you call attacking a London hotel's innocent 12 ft. Christmas tree & doing lame breakdance routines whilst undergoing near-alcohol poisoning* with his garage band... uhhh... "mature." And if you do, you're probably rushing Sigma Nu at Arizona State & not a 40-year-old man with 4 kids. Just sayin'.
*And you did this all while hanging out with & hitting on REPORTERS for the London Sunday Mirror!? Ooof, really bad call, dude.
It's obvious that these kids worked super hard on this dance sequence, so contrary to ifilm's caption I don't think they should be embarrassed whatsoever. I think it's cute.
Besides, s/he who is without embarrassing school performances in their past can cast the first stone. I zip my mouth for very good reason. My kindergarten performance debut can be summed up in four words: "doggie in the window." Yes that's right, I barked and wagged my butt while kids sang about me and asked how much I cost. You got a problem with that? If so, see the photo on the post below...
Throughout the 70s I lived in a house with craft-obsessed older sisters, so I've been horrified by useless and fuglycrafting since early childhood.
Truth is, I'd just never seen many crafts that I'd actually want to OWN... well, not UNTIL TODAY! But now I'm ready to cover my apartment walls with cute homemade samplers! Yay!
Wow, I'm really just astounded by the quantity of stupidity that's finding me today. I don't have time for it, yet there it is! It's like a car accident... I know I should look away and go back to work... but do I? Nah.
So with that said, here's one of the latest scary things on eBay. Put your Visa down though, it's already been won. I know you're disappointed, sorry. Warning: if you're at work, you might wanna turn down your speakers.
Call me cynical, but I get the vibe this dolphin just marriedher for her money. He looks kinda shifty. Plus he goes by the name of "Cindy"... I mean, talk about a red flag! Wake up, lady!
Who knows, maybe we can look forward to a gorilla wedding sometime soon...
Speaking as a total travel addict, I can't help but say... MATT HARDING IS COOL! (No, I don't know him. But come on! This video rocks!)
As for his dance moves? Well... they're definitely unique, that's for sure. ;) ************************************* ETA: I found out the scoop on Matt. He's still on the road and is currently journaling his travels. His site even has a handy itinerary map to check out! Wow, am I jealous... that's cool.
Family members said 16-month-old Miranda Boll's new book, "Potty Time With Elmo," was supposed to teach an interactive lesson using voice commands. However, when the book's buttons are pressed, it reportedly says something it is not supposed to: "Who wants to die?"
Pay close attention to this old instructional video by Finnish dance instructor Åke Blomqvist and you'll be shaking your groove thing before you know it. Disco drives the chicks wild... maybe now you'll finally get a date!
(No, this one isn't dance-related, sorry.) According to the Washington Post...On most of the 365 days he has enjoyed at his secluded ranch here, President Bush's idea of paradise is to hop in his white Ford pickup truck in jeans and work boots, drive to a stand of cedars, and whack the trees to the ground...
First off... that he has now been on his ranch for a FULL YEAR during his presidency? Yikes. But really, what's with his total OBSESSION (!) over the clearing of brush and destruction of trees? Seems like some strange outlet for aggression to me. Glad I'm not a plant on his property, that's for sure.
Happy New Year! I decided that it might be fun if my first posts of 2006 had a theme... and because of my mood (I'm glad it's a new year!), I've picked DANCING!
Too groovy for you? Well then check out the decidedly less hip & funky moves from American Bandstand circa 1985: recorded proof that Saint Elmo's Fire should NEVER be danced to.
Do you feel awkward in authentic sushi restaurants because you're ignorant of the traditions and customs? Well, here's a clever little documentary on proper Japanese dining etiquette. Be sure to take notes. Hai!
Want to keep that manly bounce in Fido's step without upsetting Bob Barker? Well, just invest in a pair of patented Neuticles, the testicular implants for pets.
"She was in severe pain... Everybody in the prison heard the scream." Terrie England (Lynndie's mother), who is caring for England's infant during her incarceration, faulted prison officials for not giving better treatment during a visit to the emergency room. "They gave her nothing," she said. "When this happened I was furious... To think they give you nothing for pain."
"...at some point, Farris Hassan, a 16-year-old from Florida, realized that traveling to Iraq by himself was not the safest thing he could have done with his Christmas vacation. And he didn't even tell his parents."
I'm sorry, I know he's just a kid, full of ideals... but someone needs to shake this boy silly. And I'm pretty confident they're going to do exactly that the second he gets off of the plane.
Talk about going above & beyond the call of duty to get extra credit for a class...
Yes, I know this rap video from SNL's December 17th episode is traveling the web right now. But even though SNL usually kinda stinks, it made me laugh.
And besides, have you people ever waited in line to actually EAT a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery?!? I mean... they're overrated but still... YUM. Just look at that frosting... I kinda wanna swim in it!
But my personal favorite of all is the live art of Make Up & Hair by Julie. With her brilliant help, you can entertain people as a statue, a fabulous strolling table, or even a wacky piece of fruit. Cool!
Oh, and if rather than being a statue you'd prefer to just pretend you're a famous painting? Move to Laguna, California.
Commercial & video director Javier Prato brings us the beautifully shot & ever-so-danceable short film Jesus Christ, The Musical. Alas, poor Jesus just never seems to catch a break.
I'm totally going to Hell for posting this, but it made me laugh for about a half an hour. I lived in LA for a long time, so I must confess that my favorite thing about this video is watching the reactions of shocked tourists on Hollywood Blvd. Say what you want about the town, but watching creative people freak out innocent Hollywood tourists in the name of a politically incorrect laugh? Good times.
Check it out, yo! Those wacky JibJab brothers are at it again. This time they're giving Dubya a break & instead made a rap video about Moses' favorite carb: "Matzah!"(short commercial first, sorry.)
ETA... looks like I spoke too soon about them giving George a break. (It's no This Land, of course. That'll always be the best one.)
And while it's actually a little frightening, I also present... The Spanish Mr. T! Imitation is the sincerest form of... uhh... well, it's just kind of scary really.
Oh sure, it all began innocently enough. In 1997, students in Harvard University's Division of Engineering and Applied Sciences decided to study squirrels. Specifically? Fishing for them.
But what about the poor defenseless squirrels? Are they supposed to simply put up with being hunted, humiliated, enslaved, mocked and derided? Oh, think again, my friend.
First there was Dickens' Christmas goose. Then along came the ever-so shocking Turducken. Now? Try the Ten-Bird Roast. For when killing three animals for dinner just doesn't seem enough.
It weighs 22 lbs. when cooked, contains around 10,000 calories (compared to the 3,000 calories of the average turkey) and takes over nine hours to prepare and cook.
So you say you really want to give yourself a makeover in 2006. But hospital visits are expensive... and honestly, who has time to go onto one of those reality shows?
Here's a list of the worst country music song titles ever. (I think my personal favorite is "I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.") Wanna write your own country song? Try this lyric generator!
The picture of New York's Naked Cowboy at left is just because he makes me laugh... that guy really must catch an awful lot of colds.
After leaving a dot-com job, what's a girl to do? How about becoming a nude chef?
Available for parties and cooking lessons, Bunny Bunns has quite the hopping career nowadays. Just check out her self-promotion video. (NSFW, might be good to make sure the boss isn't around.)
If you decide to take any cooking classes with her, you might want to avoid making fried foods, though. That splatter can be a killer. Ouch.
Like your cuteness with a side of competition? Check out the battles being waged over at kittenwar.com and puppywar.com. Only the most adorable will survive.
There are only about 50 living professional sword swallowers left worldwide. So is sword swallowing for real? Well, look a little into the history and you'll find lots of interesting proof. Want to learn how to swallow swords? Click here to have all of your questions answered. But don't forget to join the union.
Here's another little game for you. If you were in charge of the mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving, you should be pretty good at the Potato Peeler Game!
Anybody remember the character in Aliens that enjoyed stabbing in between his fingers with a large knife like some kind of freak? What a fun video game that would make, eh? Just hit the space bar to stab the knife as many times as possible without total digit amputation.
Note: Oh, and be sure to turn down your sound... unless you actually enjoy listening to the panting & screaming sounds of a psychopath.
Do you love the ocean? Do you absolutely adore dogs? Well now you can share both of those interests with your loved ones by giving them the best Christmas gift EVER! Dog in a Shell!
Just south of scenic San Francisco, there lives a kitten-loving, very smart, very famous gorilla by the name of Koko. In 1971, a graduate student named Penny Patterson met this small sickly baby gorilla and became committed to teaching Koko how to communicate via sign language. Over thirty years, a special friendship blossomed. No, I mean a REALLY, REALLY special friendship...
See, this month, a scandalous sexual harrassment suit prompted by that special friendship was settled out of court & brushed under the proverbial table. If you don't know the story already, I'll just let you read the details for yourself.
I've always dreamed of being in a movie or on TV. I grew up like most people in their 40's watching everything from Dragnet to Twilight Zone and dreaming "I can do that if just given the chance"... I close my eyes and see "DEAD BODY...played by... ME!"
...I can lay there and be dead. I can achieve my dream by being shot, stabbed, drugged, mugged, mangled, strangled or any other scenario you can think of. I can even recite lines if needed. As you have probably already guessed, I am not shy at all.
Have you been missing the dysfunctional white-trash nastiness of Jerry Springer lately? Well if you find yourself in Britain, you can get your fix with Jerry Springer, The Opera (starring David Soul aka HUTCH!!! OMG!!!).
Sometimes being nice is just overrated. It gets tiring, y'know? I mean, Catwoman had MUCH more fun than Batgirl, right? Wouldn't it be easier to just turn Evil?
Well, before taking the leap to the dark side, first you should take this handy quiz to find out your aptitude for it. (Some people really aren't cut out for evil, you know.)
Still interested? Here's your complete textbook on how to become a force of darkness.
Need more help figuring out your evil plan for world domination? Here it is.
Planning on a trip to the Magic Kingdom but your pesky IBS is acting up? Fret not. Check out this comprehensive guide to the restrooms of Disneyland, complete with photos!
Facilities are rated according to flush type, amount of stalls/urinals, faucets, changing tables and mirrors. Oh, and the women's bathroom is also rated on color scheme... because we chicks care about stuff like that.
Continuing on today's rock theme... few people know just how much went on behind the scenes to create those manly smooth 70's rock sounds we all know & love. The operatic yet thoughtful "Yacht Rock" series TELLS those stories.
Loggins & Messina, Christopher Cross, Peter Cetera, Steve Perry, Michael McDonald... oh yes, they're there in all of their rockin' hair glory. Start with Episode 1 and be sure to prepare yourself for the dark side of Hall & Oates... it's not pretty.
It says right there on Slim Mackerel's website... "Warning: Some songs may offend some chicks." That pretty much covers this post.
Slim Mackerel supposedly has had a 30 year career in music, although he dropped out for 20 of them. Now he sings songs like "Girl You Smell" and makes videos with celebrities. (Watching him torment poor Molly Shannon cracked me up though.)
Fortunately, Sweden has given us the ever-so pouty GÜNTHER. "The four main things in Günther's life are Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!" I have long enjoyed his Ding Dong Song (NSFW -- there's nudity), but now it looks like he has a Christmas video on his site, not to mention ring tones and a screensaver. Tra la la!
Nobody loves you like your mama. But Kennedy promises to love her back for you. (LSFW)
"Oh come on, cut me some slack. My wife is SALT for God's sake!!!"
While recapping the evils of Sodom & Gommorah, youth pastor Blake Bergstrom let his mind & tongue wander a little too much.
Ahhhh... Freudian slips are a beautiful thing. Especially when made during church sermons. And especially when videotaped.
Yes, "pitch his tents" does sound a bit like "pinch his t*ts," doesn't it? (Ok, well, not really.) Apparently Blake still has a job, though. And he has even offered up an explanation.
Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva, of Biritiba-Mirim, Brazil, came up with the idea because the town's only cemetery is full. He wants to bring in a law that would see relatives of people who die before their time face fines or even jail.
It's just not very often you get to read a heartwarming story of an 83 year-old woman chugging from a college's three-story beer bong.
Frances said the best part of the entire experience was the enthusiasm and cheers of the students. "I love everything about the kids. I want them to drink less, but I guess that's a little old fashioned."
Way to condemn drinking! Give mixed signals much, Frances?
Apparently even Santas can be discriminatory. Welcome to AORBS, an organization founded in order to separate the hairless, fake-beard-wearing boys from the superiorly hirsute men.* But with or without hair, you might want to spend some quality time at Santa School before hitting the mall.
What's that you say? You don't have a beard and you're not big on rugrats? Well that's ok. Just move to Austria & dress up like Santa's arch nemesis Krampus! Instead of having children sit on your lap, you can toss chains at them and threaten to eat them for dinner. As the old saying goes... "Kids are great! Especially with salt & pepper."
Perplexing (yet catchy) Flash videos from around the world
Posted at 2:58:32 PM on December 8, 2005
KIKKOMASO seems to be a Japanese soy sauce superhero who's apparently good with the ladies. Or something. I guess.
HATTEN AR DIN will make you want to buy a hat. (But can anyone explain to me why at one point they superglue a ham?)
This cute little Korean animated cartoon is an ode to "dung." It teaches the importance of diet by featuring adorable singing maggots who occasionally sport afros. SO CUTE! And yet... ick.
HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!!! on the other hand? No sense can be made of it. Don't try.
Side Note: if you want to see some really cool celebrity tabloid-themed artwork, you should scroll through the rest of 14's site. There's absolutely nothing stupid about it, I just really love her work so I thought I'd share. This one really cracks me up.
Ever wonder what kind of noises major celebrities hear in those haunting nightmares that bolt them wide awake at 3am? Well, that soundtrack may just sound a little something like THIS.
I've developed laryngitis just from listening to it.
"These are MIDI files -- so besides being depressing, they'll also sound dumb too. This collection is in no way complete and it reflects only my personal feelings of sadness which I am compelled to inflict upon you..." See more:Music, Video & Audio Comments (0)
