Totally Stupid

Baby Got Bible!

2007-03-06T03:57:40+00:00

Oooo ooo ooo!

2007-01-31T20:42:51+00:00

Hasbeen singer gets panties in a bunch

2007-01-15T21:49:09+00:00

70s musician Leo Sayer left the UK Big Brother House after having a breakdown because he didn't want to wash his own underwear.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

2007-01-12T18:20:58+00:00

Ahhhh... horrible 80s tv. Now with choreographed. dance numbers.

The next "Snakes on a Plane"

2007-01-09T00:22:55+00:00

Just call it "Sheep on a Plain." Oh Lordy does this movie look bad.

Business in the front, party in the back.

2007-01-07T22:43:19+00:00

Kill the Mullet. Like your Mullet the way it is? Well, you're not alone. Why not join the Mullitia? Can't grow a mullet? Or just need one for special mullet occasions? No problem!

Come heeere, little boy.

2007-01-02T00:28:31+00:00

Creepiest picture of Pope Benedict. EVER. Pope Benedict is celebrating midnight mass at Saint Peter's Basilica in Vatican City, calling on everyone to remember the plight of abused and neglected children across the world / Reuters.

Alkathon

2007-01-01T09:16:50+00:00

"Usually, runners carbo-load before a race. These runners in El Salvador get loaded. 71 alcoholics guzzled a bunch of grain alcohol and took off. The top three racers won free trips to an alcoholic rehab center. All of the runners received shoes, shirts, food and Christmas baskets for having participated in the race." Ok, wait. So they are competing to get into rehab but they have to drink first? And the fastest drunk wins? Why don't we have things like this? Oh yeah, I remember now. Because it's ridiculous.

Environmental death by snickerdoodle.

2006-12-31T21:19:30+00:00

Snickerdoodles may kill fish. Oh, whatever.

Aussie psychic can read your butt

2006-12-30T16:23:53+00:00

Hmmm. The main thing I can tell by looking at someone's butt is just whether they exercise or not.

Bear Boxing in Thailand

2006-12-30T06:43:22+00:00

Ok, this just freaks me out.

Ho ho ho!

2006-12-25T22:49:45+00:00

Ho ho ho!

2006-12-25T22:48:42+00:00

Merry Christmas, Christmas Kitten!

2006-12-24T23:41:10+00:00

Huh?

Santa in Beirut

2006-12-24T19:43:59+00:00

Well, things are a little more difficult in Beirut nowadays... even for poor Santa. Looks like this year he had to hire a cab to tow his sleigh (which has seen better days, might I add) through town. (And he brought his twin brothers along...?)

Happy Christmahanzakkah, everybody!

Monk Fight Club

2006-12-21T20:38:53+00:00

When monks are wielding crowbars against eachother? It's kinda time for people to just admit that religion really needs to be a little more about peace. Just sayin'.

Happy Holidays from The Fruitcake Lady

2006-12-20T19:09:44+00:00

I'm not a huge Jay Leno Show fan (especially 'cuz one of my friends works for the show & I don't like how they treat him... grrr). I DO, however, love eccentric, wisecracking old people. So I LURVE me some Fruitcake Lady & I'm thrilled when Jay features her! Enjoy.

There's Something About Mary Poppins...

2006-12-11T07:28:45+00:00

Just a teaspoon of sugar -- or could that be arsenic? Run, Banks children! RUUUUUNNNNN!!!

Cocaine

2006-11-27T17:17:25+00:00

This video of how cocaine is made isn't what's stupid. After watching exactly how it's made, anyone who takes cocaine seems stupid. This is the best anti-drug video ever. That's a lot of gasoline...

Happy Turkey Day!

2006-11-23T22:58:15+00:00

Just because I can, may I present you with a gyrating Erik Estrada (as CHIPS very own Ponch!) joining the late Laura Branigan onstage for a duet. And yes, she is singing about going "down." Ummm... what?

The name's Moron... Freaking Moron.

2006-11-22T19:51:39+00:00

Allrighty. So some guy in the UK lost his mind and decided to change his name. His original name was David Fearn. He wanted something catchier, so he changed his name to A LISTING OF EVERY SINGLE JAMES BOND FILM EVER MADE. For those of you without these such things memorized, that means the man now goes by: James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Ser vice Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies TheWorld Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. To save time, people will just nickname him "idiot."

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

2006-11-21T20:26:51+00:00

On CSI Miami, David Caruso can deliver a one-liner like nobody's business... as this brilliant video compilation very clearly shows. Watch him take off his glasses! Watch him put them on! And watch the drama enfold! YEEEEEAHHHHHH! This video is so damned enjoyable, now I never have to endure another episode of the show! YEEEEEAHHHHHH!

Mike Tyson may become a prostitute

2006-11-18T00:49:06+00:00

According to Heidi Fleiss, Mike Tyson might be considering a new career as a male prostitute. Hmmm. Watch out for your ears, ladies!

Stupid on a whole 'nother (serious) level...

2006-11-16T23:01:57+00:00

Last night at around 11:30pm, campus police asked a male student in the UCLA library to leave after he was unable to produce his student ID card upon request. He did not leave immediately. Soooo, naturally they took out their tasers and stunned him repeatedly, then carrying him away by force. For sitting in a library. Brilliant use of force. Not overkill at all. Naturally, one of the witnesses had a cameraphone at the ready. I found it excruciating to watch, but it follows. At one point (in between screams) you can hear the student yell: "Here's your Patriot Act, here's your f&*$ing abuse of power!" Seems to me that this kid's got the rest of his college education paid for once the lawsuit's over.

it's my birthday! Let's all do the Batusi!

2006-11-03T05:49:30+00:00

Me love Brian Atene long time!

2006-10-30T18:01:47+00:00

A few days ago, we met GREAT ACTOR Brian Atene. I was afraid that he had languished in obscurity, howeer I'm happy to say that it appears dear Brian is still in fine form and would like to update us on his current situation. Enjoy.

Paris & Nicole - together for Halloween!

2006-10-30T16:25:34+00:00

Trying on costumes with Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie... it's sexy hot! Somehow, they're even more lifelike as puppets.

Good Day, Mr. Kyuuuubrick.

2006-10-26T19:05:38+00:00

Oh my Lord. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. The pain, the pain. Back in the early 80s, Director Stanley Kubrick was searching throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to star in Full Metal Jacket. Apparently he put an ad in Variety encouraging people to send in their audition tapes. When Brian Atene, he of the Juillard School, perhaps the finest acting institution in the world, took him up on this offer... I'm sure Stanley Kubrick wondered if this was such a good idea. His "cutting" from The Outsiders makes me think of Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade. "Mmmmmhuh. Ponyboy? I sure could go for some of those french fried 'taters... Mmmmmmhuh."

Tyra Banks is scaring me.

2006-10-24T20:13:58+00:00

Wow. That girl's really a fan of Vaseline.

Snakes in a MF Coliseum

2006-10-13T00:51:22+00:00

Only in LA. The USC marching band takes on the theme song from "Snakes on a Plane." Go Tommy Trojan, go! Get those MF snakes off the MF field!

Tickle Me Harder

2006-10-12T00:22:21+00:00

In a time where even Saved By The Bell's annoying Screech has a "celebrity" sex tape, who's to be surprised that even Sesame Street stars have a seamy underbelly? In this case, a red furry one. The above video may be NSFW, as it contains naked Elmos in compromising positions. You've been warned.

Eat Like Snake

2006-10-08T16:22:08+00:00

Wow, Japanese men sure have some kooky anaconda-like eating habits. Maybe it's just me, but I'm definitely not craving a burger now... a nice dainty salad sounds good.

The Facts of Life about bongs

2006-10-06T05:12:57+00:00

Bong! Bong! Bong!

Tank Cozy

2006-09-28T21:42:05+00:00

Danish people think of everything...

Wish I'd thought of this...

2006-09-28T20:33:18+00:00

A nice game of beach volleyball... using the US/Mexico border fence as a net. Brilliant.

Marmaduke Explained.

2006-09-26T17:56:37+00:00

Finally!

Owww. My head hurts.

2006-09-26T16:29:31+00:00

Umm, what?

British people are funny when they're angry

2006-09-21T16:04:53+00:00

So, Chris Brooker of The Guardian is very upset about Justin Timberlake's new song "Sexy Back." Not that he doesn't have a point about the lyrics. It's just really nice for him get upset about Justin Timberlake so we don't have to. He's angry for all of us, and it's fun to read! Now I don't have to trouble my pretty little mind about Justin Timberlake's dumb lyrics. Thank you Chris. I usually let pop lyrics slide right by me, but I will say this though... remember that Clay Aiken song about being Invisible? Clay Aiken aside that song still creeps the Hell out of me out every time I hear it. He wants to be invisible just so he can watch a girl in her room? Ewww. (With Clay, "girl" is probably code for "guy," but the lyrics are still just plain icky & stalkerish.) No surprise to me that it made the list of 50 Worst Songs Ever. (Of course, "ever" means within the last 20 years -- I doubt they're including flops of the 1920s.)

It's good. And good FOR you.

2006-09-20T17:32:07+00:00

Yes it's true. Amazon.com is selling milk. And boy howdy is it getting some GREAT reviews! (Although only 764 so far, not quite enough to form an educated purchasing decision.) Here's one... There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That's the kind of milk that says that it's real. It's right. It's whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that's what you do with milk. There's nothing better than milk - well except maybe radishes. But alas, everything is not bright and shiny in the world of Tuscan whole milk. It has also caused a great deal of heartbreak. As evidenced by this reviewer's dark & sordid tale... My name is Zach, a former employee of Tuscan Dairy Products. To understand why I'm writing this we must go into further detail of why I am not currently employed by Tuscan Dairy Products at this juncture. My position at Tuscan Dairy Products was called "Container Control Specialist". Basically, my job requirements were to hold an empty one gallon jug while it was being filled with Tuscan Whole Milk. I know what you're thinking, "DREAM JOB". You couldn't be more right. At first my job at Tuscan Whole Milk was exciting and fun. Nothing pleased me more than getting up in the morning knowing "I'm about to see the most magnificent and wonderful substance on earth". All I could think about was Tuscan Whole Milk, and that is where my life started its death spiral into the Abyss of dank, musky and pure Tuscan Whole Milk. From the beginning my wife was jealous of me. She loved Tuscan Whole Milk, as we all do. But something pained her inside when I would mention Tuscan Whole Milk. She was bored with her job at SuperCuts. Upon arriving at home each day she would say exactly the following "What happened at work today, and give me DETAILS?" She was crazed for Tuscan Whole Milk, much like a crystal meth addict. She longed for the thick, cold and ever so beautiful taste of Tuscan Whole Milk. But the jealousy had gone too far. After fulfilling my duties at work, my supervisor Jim decided to let me go home early. This is where it starts. I arrived at my homestead with my usual 2 jugs in hand(s), only to hear a moaning coming from our master bathroom. Furious, I barged into the room only to see my wife... Her insides filled to the brim with Tuscan Whole Milk. I immediately filed for divorce and left my wife. I got an apartment closer to work so I could spend more time with Tuscan Whole Milk. I was on a slippery slope. I would drink nothing but Tuscan Whole Milk until I vomited. I knew I had a problem, and the first step was admitting it. I was addicted to Tuscan Whole Milk. Being bloated, feeling sick, excessive diarrhea, lung disease, and milk lips are all symptoms of Tuscan Whole Milk abuse. I had to quit my job at Tuscan Dairy Products to stay away from Tuscan Whole Milk. I am currently working at Ned's Video on Auburn and Sunrise as the Video Tape Rewinder. Its part time and the pay is bad, but at least it keeps me away from Tuscan Whole Milk. Please kids, be safe and limit your consumption of Tuscan Whole Milk to a gallon a day. Ahhh yes. Words to live by in this day and age...

Little Bush

2006-09-19T22:36:41+00:00

Combine Baby Looney Tunes with The Archies, then add Dick Cheney's "Penguin" impersonation and some Guantanamo-style torture silliness (in the name of a good patriotic lunch!)... and you have this episode of Little George Bush on Hot Dog Day! Wheeee! (Note: it's stupid & could offend. But look at the name of this website. Deal with it!)

I probably would've sued too. I hate that song!

2006-09-13T17:44:10+00:00

Passengers complain after Tyler sings PARIS, Sept. 3 (UPI) -- Passengers on a flight from France to Mauritius have filed suit against Air France after musician Bonnie Tyler performed a song at the request of the co-pilot. The passengers, believed to be Belgian, complained to the airline after the Welsh singer performed part of her 1983 hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at the request of the co-pilot, who retired after the flight, The Mail on Sunday reported. "I was asleep in First Class. The stewardess came and said the co-pilot was retiring. And they asked me would I sing to him. They were having a bit of a party," Tyler said. The complaining passengers reportedly claimed they were traumatized by the experience and had feared for their safety during the celebration. The complaint eventually escalated into a legal dispute. An Air France official said: "The claim against Air France, which it completely rejects, is that the celebrations got more and more unruly and came to a climax when Bonnie sang. "Air France is saying that any suggestion there was anything more than a few slaps on the back for the co-pilot is nonsense, and it completely rejects the claims that the passengers were at any sort of risk."

Squealing Weatherman Attacked by Cockroach... Film at 11

2006-09-08T02:49:48+00:00

Oh, just watch it. The title says it all, really.

Signs point to... Jesus!

2006-08-25T20:17:41+00:00

Ok, who couldn't use a Magic 8 Ball dressed up as pink Jesus!? Answer Me Jesus offers "20 different answers to help you choose the righteous path. Ask a question and turn him over the answer you seek magically appears. Your personal Jesus will respond with wisdom such as �Have faith�, �Yes my child�, or �Sinner.� So next time you are pondering one of life's many dilemmas find out what Jesus would do and repent no more!"

Snakes on a Cake

2006-08-18T17:41:09+00:00

Oh yes, it's almost time for the opening of Snakes on a Plane. You readers (all one of you) know I've been on this Samuel L. Jackson MF bandwagon from day one. While the fun of SOAP will no doubt come to a screeching halt when the movie actually comes out, here is one last laugh for good measure... yes... that's right, friends... better than Snakes on a Board Game, it's Snakes on a Cake. Brilliant! Not sure why, but it just doesn't get old...

Mani Pedi Man

2006-08-14T16:42:04+00:00

Ok, this isn't so much stupid as just interesting to me. I've been to a lot of countries and I've seen a lot of street hawkers (salesmen) in my life. No matter where you go around the world, there are people finding any creative way possible to make a living. But apparently men in the Congo have found that giving eachother manicure/pedicures is a profitable job. "I do not mind getting my nails done by the roadside - the dirt won't get in," Guylain says. "That is why I have a manicure - to keep my nails clean and protect them." "One reason why I like to look good is to forget the dirt and poverty which surrounds me," he says. Testament to the universal healing powers of a good mani/pedi...

There is hope for everyone.

2006-08-11T16:55:14+00:00

I am not a fan of People Magazine unless I'm in the waiting room of a doctor's office. But nonetheless, I'm digging this little feature on stars before they were famous. Why? Because of the photo on the left. If that kid could eventually become George Clooney, then there are miracles on the Earth after all. Yay!

You can't get hummus without mashing some chickpeas.

2006-08-10T17:16:58+00:00

I'm really happy to see that the Daily Show is bringing on a middle eastern correspondent to put everything into perspective. Birth pangs! Yay! Inshallah!

Ok, I'm frustrated.

2006-08-09T17:57:30+00:00

I can't even convince my puppy to come when I call her, yet the Japanese can train armies of circus bugs. This is totally unfair.

Dogs For Peace

2006-08-09T03:58:36+00:00

Dogs want peace and here's the uniquely disturbing web site to prove it.

No evidence of cats for peace that could be found, but cats probably don't really care about very much, anyway.

Other activist animals:
Sheep for Peace T-shirt
Apparently, some Fish are or peace too.

.. . . .

Death becomes them

2006-08-02T21:29:46+00:00

While wandering through Italy a few months ago, I found a great deal of entertainment from the discovery of the Calendario Romano... a calendar featuring the (I'm not kidding here...) hottest priests and holy men in Italy. I thought nothing could top it. It was just too bizarre. I was wrong. Introducing the morbidly fabulous Men of Mortuaries 2007 Calendar! (To see a little news article on it, click here.) Hey ladies... better watch out! One look at these hunks and their mysteriously disappearing shirts and you might just need an autopsy... on your broken heart!

When stupid names are outlawed, only outlaws will have stupid names.

2006-07-30T17:24:00+00:00

According to the BBC... "Malaysian authorities have published a list of undesirable titles to prevent parents giving their children names such as Hitler, smelly dog or 007." If only we had that law in America...

Drink pee and live

2006-07-14T03:29:28+00:00

"Urine is considered to be an invaluable source of nourishment and healing"
- Shirley's Wellness Cafe

"Sometimes when all else fails, urine therapy will turn a person around."
- Biomedx

"Don't try to keep it in the 'fridge overnight or for when guests drop in."
- Heartland Healing Center

"...it has a wonderful healing and toning effect when applied to the skin" - Life Positive

. . . . .

Ernest & Bertram

2006-07-11T17:45:06+00:00

The tragic story of two heterosexually challenged muppets. Co-written by Lillian Hellman. Or not.

Kitt & Hoff: reunited and it feels so... icky.

2006-07-10T18:45:18+00:00

Oh dear Lord. Hasselhoff strikes again. Apparently he & Kitt enjoy trolling dark alleyways for underage chicks (while singing, of course). Niiice.

Oh my.

2006-07-06T23:29:06+00:00

Sooo... President Putin held the aforementioned public webcast and has provided some answers to his people. Regarding the tummy-kissed boy mentioned below? "I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten." Ummm... all righty. No word yet on his opinions regarding giant octopi & war robots, though.

A kiss is just a kiss...

2006-07-06T16:19:08+00:00

Russian President Vlademir Putin is submitting himself to an unprecedented live webcast interview with the Russian people today. Questions were submitted via the internet, with a promise that the most-asked questions would be addressed by the President. So what do Russians want to know? Are they concerned with the upcoming G8 summit? Russia's decision not to legalize marijuana? Iran's nuclear capabilities? The economy? The price of vodka? Uhhhh... nope. �What was achieved by your kissing the little boy Nikita on the stomach?� was one question with 14,470 people voting for it to be forwarded to the President. Mr Putin baffled Russians and Westerners alike last week when he stopped a young boy who was walking through the Kremlin, asked his name (it was Nikita) and then lifted his T-shirt and kissed his stomach. Some political analysts speculate that it was a clumsy attempt to soften Mr Putin�s image with some �baby-kissing� PR moves. Oh, but here is my FAVORITE part... The leading question, with 17,066 votes, was would the President use �giant, humanoid war robots� (!?) to defend Russia? The third favourite, with 11,401 votes, was what he thought about the Cthulhu, a giant octopus invented by the novelist H. P. Lovecraft. Wow. I wish I could say that the only concerns I have about my President were belly kisses, fictional octopuses and war robots...

R.I.P. HR Pufnstuf

2006-07-05T20:26:35+00:00

Who's your friend when things get rough? First Jimmie, and now THIS!?

Well, thank God at least Witchiepoo is still safe and sound.

Some people? Are nuts.

2006-07-05T19:53:58+00:00

Takeru Kobayashi set a world record yesterday by swallowing 53 3/4 hot dogs in 12 minutes... despite a small digestion setback.

"When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that's the testament of a champion and great athlete."

Oh dear Lord.

2006-07-04T06:49:40+00:00

This man is the Governor of my state.

Yippie! Swedish toilet pals!

2006-07-04T01:10:00+00:00

We are Pee&Poo! Escapees from the bathroom, we are entering the world on a journey filled with new adventures. Maybe we can stay with you for a while? No? Well then, buy some of our stuff!

Snakes on a board game!

2006-07-04T00:47:16+00:00

My unabashed favorite still-yet-to-be-released Samuel L. Jackson reptile film has already inspired a lame, obviously unlicensed board game! You can pre-order your own copy now. Yay!

"Cobras in the Cockpit is a game based on a fictional movie where YOU play the SNAKES! Your objective: throw the plane into chaos! You will hiss, rattle, squeeze, and bite your way through the plane, earning points for each section you throw into chaos. But other snakes will try to stop you, so watch out!"

Plastic Army Men Finally Explained

2006-07-02T04:02:10+00:00

Everything you ever wanted to know and more than you even thought there was to know, about Plastic Army Men. Includes a stunning and compelling rebuke of "action figures" and why they will never be as good as plastic army men.

Also of similar interest:

Rules for playing with army men

Battle tactics for plastic army men

How to tell good plastic army men from bad ones

. . . . .

Ummm... no comment.

2006-06-28T16:03:57+00:00

Introducing The Daddle... a soft, stuffed "saddle" for Dad (or Mom) to strap on, to give kids (age 2-6) a horsy ride. Kneepads sold separately.

Your own church

2006-06-28T15:47:29+00:00

Church Sign Generator

. . . . .

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!

2006-06-27T17:46:02+00:00

A brand-spanking new trailer for the anxiously awaited Samuel L. " I've had it with these MF snakes on this MF plane!" Jackson thriller... the ever-so appropriately titled SNAKES ON A PLANE! (Or as they say in France, Des Serpents Dans L'Avion!) Yes... it still makes me laugh. And yes... I'm gonna see it.

That's not kosher.

2006-06-27T03:58:56+00:00

Maury Povich selflessly helps a girl deal with her greatest fear. What is she scared of? Snakes? Spiders? Heights? Death? Noooooo... guess again! Pickles!

I would say that it's silly to be afraid of pickles, but it could've been worse. It could've been styrofoam!!!!

Rat Guide

2006-06-26T22:28:09+00:00

The Rat Lovers Association of Southern California

Rat World - explains why rats are not dirty.

If you love your rats, want to give them the best care possible, and want to share your love of rats with other rat lovers, then The Rat Fan Club is for you!

. . . . .

So what was the pianist for?

2006-06-20T15:26:50+00:00
Connie Chung sings. Well, not literally.

If only there were 41... then I might be convinced.

2006-06-19T01:38:28+00:00
Forty reasons Keanu Reeves does not suck.

Meow!

2006-06-16T18:24:42+00:00
Petrica, a web-savvy Romanian cat, has declared Madonna to be the Antichrist on her blog. It's so refreshing to see a housepet who really takes a stand on things! And for more international cat angst... the Netherlands brings us the Hitler cats. (I'm reminded of an old Far Side cartoon.) Cats are so stoic that it's kind of creepy... so I actually really want to see them do a "Hitler puppies" site. I'd just really, really like to see Hitler with his tongue hanging out as he's frantically gnawing on a chew toy. But maybe that's just me.

World's Largest Ear Model

2006-06-15T23:38:38+00:00
Why settle for your average ear model when you can have the world's largest?

. . . . .

Trash Bag Shelter

2006-06-14T18:36:39+00:00
Out in the wilderness with nothing but a trash bag? Here's an idea for you.

. . . . .

Pet Memorials

2006-06-13T23:16:00+00:00
Always Remembered Pet Memorials - headstones starting at just $54 (5" x 7") Pets 2 Heaven has some nice urns if cremation is your choice. Nice, novelty, life-sized urns from Foreverpets You'll need a casket. Check these out at PetMemorials.org Don't want to spend the money? Consider a free online memorial at ILovedMyPet (but was too cheap to buy a casket and headstone). Just wanna forget about the whole thing? Go to the lost pet grief support at PetLoss.com - complete with tear jerking sound track. . . . . .

Sometimes famous people eat.

2006-04-05T02:54:44+00:00
Want proof? Here it is, at the ever-so appropriately-named celebrities-eating.com.

Bon appetit!

Happy April Fool's Day!

2006-04-02T06:09:38+00:00
Okay, so it's 10pm here in the Bay area... I'm officially not too late to post this! Here are the Top 100 April Fool's Day Pranks.

By the way, in case anyone is wondering where I've disappeared to... I've been finishing a major work project and am preparing to leave for a 7-week trip overseas on April 16. I'll be going to egypt, Turkey, Greece, Croatia, and Austria. And... I'll be keeping a fancy weblog of my adventure so please feel free to check it out!

Desperately Seeking Denise

2006-03-21T00:55:35+00:00
He met her one night in a bar.
He tattooed her name on his arm.
He's never seen her again.

Wow. I'm as romantic as the next girl... but Kevin honey, I think it's time to walk towards the white light. There are other fish in the sea, I swear! Trust me on this...

Please keep your snakes in their upright and locked positions

2006-03-17T18:16:37+00:00
As the two people who read my previous post may recall, I'm all hot for Samuel J. Jackson. Fighting snakes. On a plane. And really, who wouldn't be?!? What are you, insane? That's just a formula for good entertainment if ya ask me.

And it looks like the official trailer for Snakes on a Plane is finally out on the internet! Seriously, if you've ever longed to see a CGI snake slither from a fat woman's cleavage? I'm telling you, this is the film for you!

The talented Ken Create

2006-03-15T02:19:44+00:00
Yeah, so here's Episode Two.

Although admittedly, his ability to juggle two Nascar baseball hats at once is awesome!!!

I wanna touch peeeeeeopleeee!

2006-03-15T01:58:41+00:00
Introducing Episode One of "People I Would Rather Chew Glass Than Be Stuck in an Elevator With."

Passions of the Trek

2006-03-15T01:26:49+00:00
Hey folks! I've been on deadline for work & busy planning my vacation... anybody miss me? Oh, of course you did. Don't play coy with me. I missed you too!!! :D

*****************************************
Looking for a lover who can whisper sweet nothings in Klingon? You're in luck! Welcome to Trek Passions, the first 100% Free Dating & Personals site for Trekkies!

It's so logical... I mean, who could possibly need a date more?

John Travolta is no Edna Turnblad.

2006-03-05T19:03:21+00:00
Years ago I watched Harvey Fierstein in the musical version of Hairspray on Broadway. He was great! Since he left the show, the role of Mrs. Turnblad has been played by Bruce Vilanch (of Hollywood Squares fame) and comedian John Pinette. See any similarities? They're all kinda portly guys, just like Divine was. And... a little bit... gregarious shall we say?

Ok, so now they're making a movie based on the musical which was based on a movie (apparently they learned nothing from The Producers). So do they call on Harvey to reprise his role? Nah. Of course not. They hire John Freaking Travolta.

John Travolta? Seriously?

Snakes on a Plane, The Rough Cut

2006-03-05T18:15:14+00:00
For those of you on the edge of your seats waiting for the highly anticipated Samuel L. Jackson thriller Snakes on a Plane (aka "S.O.A.P."), you're not alone. (C'mon... a mafia witness, Samuel L. Jackson. a plane & SNAKES! How could this not be a HIT?)

Thanks to impatient fans, an unofficial rough cut of the film has been created! Yay!

Go Air Marshall Samuel L. Jackson, go!

Can you see McC?

2006-03-05T07:03:07+00:00
Back in 1986, there was clean... and then there was McDonald's clean!!! Boy, learning how to be a retentive custodian sure can be exciting!

Make it shine guy, make it shine! Gosh! Now we can scrub that garbage & wash the parking lot! Whee!

It's Saturday!

2006-03-04T20:48:12+00:00
On the heels of Pufnstuf, let's flash back to what Saturdays once were...

Interjections
Rabbit of Seville
Duck! Rabbit, duck!
Psychedelic Pink Panther
Pee Wee!
We love you Alpha Bits!
Underdog v. Overcat
The Electric Company
Spiderman's catchy theme song
Mr. T & his gymnastic cartoon friends.

And as a special bonus... A Scooby Doo parody featuring David Cross

Well, looks like Freddy's yours now, Witchiepoo.

2006-03-02T19:38:02+00:00
Actor Jack Wild has passed away tragically. But to me he'll always be a cockney kid in bright clothes named Jimmy who was best friends with a really whiny talking flute and an overly effemenate redneck dragon that thought it was a cowboy. In my office, I have the official HR Pufnstuf soundtrack (it's a 45) on a shelf. Man, I loved that show. (I even have a t-shirt from Nick-at-Nite's "Puf-a-palooza!") But of course then I watched it as an adult and thought... "My lord, what kind of drugs was I taking as a child? Was I totally insane?!?" (The answer is... probably.)

****
eta... Hey! Guess what I found on YouTube!?

PUFNSTUFF STUFF
� Listen to the funky theme songs!
� A fan page (my 45 is pictured!)
� Anybody notice that Mayor McCheese looks a little Pufnstuffish? A jury agreed.
� Pufnstuf episode guide
� Get stoned and watch the whole series. You'll thank me later.

Wow.

2006-03-02T18:18:24+00:00
I didn't believe it was possible, however I guess people really do fall for those Nigerian scams. But hey, I suppose even a prominent millionaire psychiatrist* can have a weakness for politely-if-poorly written, fanciful e-mails from stranger asking to launder money being kept from rebel leaders in Sierra Leone. I mean, it's not like his family's gonna mind, right?

The irony here is that this man is the neuroscientist who became famous by "announcing in 1987 that President Reagan had been suffering from diminished mental ability as early as 1980." With all due respect, maybe he would've been better served worrying more about himself. Just sayin'...

*If you need a password, click here.

Glorious Bun-O-Vision

2006-03-02T17:31:53+00:00
The 30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library... in which a troupe of bunnies parodies a collection of movies (19 at current count!) by re-enacting them in 30 seconds, more or less. Now even Brokebackier!

I dunno... cartoon bunnies just never get old for me.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

2006-03-01T21:03:36+00:00
Tomatoes Are Evil is a site entirely dedicated to the anti-tomato crowd... We are not talking about a mild dislike or a medical allergy; but the realization that this fruit is the SPAWN OF SATAN. Cherry, Plum, Beef, Sundried, Green, Organic or home grown; all TOMATOES ARE EVIL.

Hot as a Pistol

2006-02-27T17:27:59+00:00
This isn't stupid at all, it's just really cool. An incredible, feel-good story like this one just can't help but turn even the most stone-cold heart into jello with marshmallows. So beware...

An autistic teen becomes a basketball star

Old People Are Funny!

2006-02-27T03:15:00+00:00
The internet's best collection of wacky old people stories! Wheeeeee!

Sure is nice to see sweet lil' beer bong Frances getting some more attention...

An Evening with Don Knotts

2006-02-26T04:44:56+00:00
I decided to give these old audio recordings their own post... Co-written by Don Knotts, Arne Sultan and Marvin Worth, the monologues are mostly variations on Don's infamous Nervous Man routine (from Don's Steve Allen days) in different situations, such as a nervous sportscaster or weatherman.

Listen to it here.

RIP, Das Limpet!

2006-02-26T04:26:33+00:00
Long live Don Knotts, the beloved antihero.
God bless good ol' Mr. Furley.

A little side note... I met Don Knotts & his young wife at a wedding in 1994. An old friend of his confessed to me that ol' Barney Fife was quite the ladies man in his day... I didn't believe it, but one look at his wife and I was convinced. Go Barn, go!

Celebrity Giantess

2006-02-25T19:03:28+00:00
For those of you who find female celebrities a lot hotter when they're 150 stories tall, welcome to Celebrity Giantess.

DrewandGarryforever!

2006-02-24T06:47:58+00:00
Sometimes people get really addicted to reviewing things on Amazon.com, and as I was shopping there tonight, I discovered one such individual (the gender is confusing on the reviews...). As I started reading the reviews... from the personal love letters to Drew Barrymore & Danielle Briseboise, to the idyllic 70s memories inspired by Sigmund & The Sea Monsters videos, to the descriptions of fabulous "MirrorVision" business ventures... all I can say is that this is definitely a unique human being with varied interests.

Garry has five pages of reviews so there's a lot to sort through, but here's a review of a book on advertising mascots.

Let's change the Morton Salt Add!-Cari Hixon, Garry Hixon, October 25, 2004
Let's put Rain pants on the Morton Salt Girl and etch much more rain all over the package. Let's get a real person behind the logo. Let's do away with the sundress and put pants on her, girls don't wear dresses anymore and never did. I am Cari Hixon,Garry Hixon and will keep pushing the issue until they take my new add! I'm hopping mad and until these corporate scums put the real Morton Salt kid on there, Me!-I will sue them in Civil Court by using my likeness and making millions that I never see!-Lets fix the Morton Salt add-Cari Hixon, I mean Garry Jr. The real Morton Salt face-drew barrymore-take that Rahmm and Hass-hello to my friend Richard Peabody and Andy Warhol(Campells soup)

Makes ya wanna buy the book, doesn't it?

Moooooooooo.

2006-02-24T02:03:34+00:00
Visit Mother Cow for the love of all things cow. And for more bovine fun, be sure to checkout Lancaster Farming's Cow Cam, too!

Christopher Monks Rocks

2006-02-23T07:43:42+00:00
I first became familiar with the writing of Christopher Monks back when the Pat O'Brien phone call scandal happened. Chris started up a totally brilliant blog called Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien. It was so brilliantly funny in fact, that I STILL find myself saying something is "so not better than Night Court!", cursing my imaginary monkey assistant, and imagining Joaquin Phoenix dressed up like an Inuit... even though I read it nearly a year ago.

Well, when the Pat O'Brien blog ended, I decided to check out Mr. Monks' other writings and I read through his McSweeney's-ish fantasy fan letters to Star Jones. They were very funny. But unfortunately, people are so uptight nowadays that his hobby of humor writing has been losing job opportunities for him, which stands in the way of his ability to support his family.

Now that, my friends... is TOTALLY STUPID. I just wanted to say that out loud to anyone who might listen. It just makes no sense to me. People seriously need to lighten up.

Topless Secret

2006-02-22T21:05:19+00:00
Christopher Gregory wants to tell you his secrets to finding love. OK, actually not love. Really, he just wants to tell you how to sleep with strippers. Because everyone knows you'll never be a REAL man until you've impressed someone who calls herself Bambi Muffins (You know... that redheaded dancer at Jumbo's Clown Room with the tattoos and track mark bruises? Yeah, her.). And good ol' Chris has your back!

Seducing dancers will NEVER be such a struggle for you again! When you learn and apply the principles and practices of seducing topless dancers like I did, you will not only be successful at attracting all the dancers you desire � BUT � You will be a verifiable and well-known STUD in their world. And everyone knows that when you're a stud in the world of strippers? Total success in life is only a lapdance away!

It even fits in my car!

2006-02-22T03:15:33+00:00
Hats off to TVgasm for this observation. My biggest laugh of the day by far!

Glued to her Chair

2006-02-21T18:59:41+00:00
**Warning... some of the ads on this Italian webpage are NSFW**

Different men are attracted to different things. Apparently someone out there is attracted to pixelated women who have been glued to chairs. Nooo... I don't get it either.

Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoons Contest

2006-02-21T14:50:51+00:00
Eyal Zusman (30) and Amitai Sandy (29), graphic artist and publisher of Dimona Comix Publishing, from Tel-Aviv, Israel, have followed the unfolding of the �Muhammad cartoon-gate� events in amazement, until finally they came up with the right answer to all this insanity �� and so they announced today the launch of a new anti-Semitic cartoons contest -� this time drawn by Jews themselves!

�We�ll show the world we can do the best, sharpest, most offensive Jew hating cartoons ever published!� said Sandy �No Iranian will beat us on our home turf!�

Actually this contest is the least stupid thing I've heard of in a while... It's kinda brilliant.

Cheese on Tour

2006-02-21T04:54:49+00:00
Welcome to the Web's number one website for pictures of cheese in famous places.

Who knew cheese had such wanderlust?

Ouch.

2006-02-20T05:31:57+00:00
35 Face Balls in 32 Seconds

Naked Bicycle People Power!

2006-02-20T05:06:59+00:00
On March 12th and June 10th, 2006 cities across the world will experience the naked joy of the worlds largest naked protest against oil dependency and car culture in the history of humanity.

It's the World Naked Bike Ride 2006! Yay!

Well it's about time this guy apologized!

2006-02-18T00:43:24+00:00
Shooting & heart attack victim Harry Whittington says he's deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney has had to go through this past week.

Ummm... whaaaaat?

Jesus is AliveElvis is Alive

2006-02-17T18:43:20+00:00
ELVIS #10

Well, we haven't checked in with Elvis' peeps in a while. So here's some reading material for you...

Jesus is alive, Elvis is alive.
What's the difference?

On a hot Friday afternoon outside Jerusalem in ad33, a 33-year old peasant-teacher named Jesus of Nazareth was executed by Roman soldiers. 1,944 years later, on August 16th, 1977, a 42-year old entertainer named Elvis Presley was found dead in his palatial bathroom at Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee.

On the surface, there should be no connection.
Yet there IS...

Take this job & shove it.

2006-02-17T06:57:45+00:00
Oh, to be in my 20s again. That age where people are wacky enough to yell "I QUIT!" over the company intercom, run and jump around like a spaz, and have a friend videotape the whole thing to have documented proof of just how cool it is.

Of course, with my luck, my friend would also continue videotaping the aftermath too... the part where I stop laughing, have to start sifting through want ads circling everything from food service to telemarketing & begin to have crying jags because I have no rent money. Oh, and then the part where I end up repeatedly hitting my head against the wall, wishing I hadn't been such an idiot to quit my crappy job.

Actually, I don't miss my 20s at all.

Yuck.

2006-02-17T03:38:10+00:00
Japanese people like ice cream. A lot. And the Japanese palate runs... umm... towards flavors that seem a little bit unusual to the rest of us sometimes. So that said, welcome to the wacky world of bizarre japanese ice creams. It's not a land where the faint of stomach should dine.

With 21 flavors to choose from, I'm thinking this is a job for Steve.

Ask a Stupid Question

2006-02-15T22:45:16+00:00
Go ahead, ask a stupid question right away.

. . . . .

Hot or Not Church Sites

2006-02-15T18:39:13+00:00
When you're surfing the web and happen upon a nicely designed church-affiliated website... do you feel a slight tingly sensation? A little weak in the knees? Does your heart beat a little faster? Well, at HotOrNot Churchsites.com, you can rate churches websites against eachother. May the holiest graphic interface win!

Y'know... somehow I never would've predicted the hotornot phenomenon ever taking in this direction.

Good times there are not forgotten...

2006-02-15T17:16:20+00:00
Think the South shoulda won? Have I got a store for you!

Confederate Warehouse used to only work with wholesale clients, but now they've opened a retail store for your shopping convenience. The variety of selection at the new Dixie Store is quite impressive really. Need some Confederate golf balls? Curtains? Tablecloths? Jewelry? Belt buckles? Flags? Playing cards? Flasks? Mudflaps? Hats? Underwear?

Personally, I think I'm going for this t-shirt. No, I'm not a marine. And I'm actually quite lean. Plus I'm very mean. That's why it's funny.

Fish is Alive!Long Live Fish!

2006-02-15T04:41:16+00:00
It's the Abe Vigoda Death Watch Clock! He's still alive!

And when he's not, everyone can sing along to this cover of an old Bauhaus tune.

Got Yer Nose!

2006-02-15T02:02:31+00:00
Young lovers in China's largest city, Shanghai, are turning to cosmetic surgery as a Valentine's Day present... Liu Yan, 24, and her 28-year-old boyfriend had matching nose jobs a fortnight before Valentine's Day, China Daily said.

"I suggested it as a way of celebrating our relationship and bringing us closer together with a special kind of bond," the paper quoted Ms Liu as saying. Riiigggghhhht.

Wheeee!

2006-02-14T06:13:04+00:00
Heard of Disneyland's old People Mover? Well, technology has progressed since then.

Introducing... The Puppy Mover Monorail!!! Everybody together now... AWWW!

Conan Overthrows Finland

2006-02-13T18:58:52+00:00
A no-doubt overwhelmed Conan O'Brien landed in Finland today. "There hasn't been anything like this seen at the airport since Paul Anka", said one police officer, referring to the teen idol's visit in the 1950s.

At this point, I don't even know what to say about the bizarre cycle of events that have turned Conan O'Brien into a freakishly popular Finnish cultural icon... it all just cracks me up to no end.

Velvet Embraces

2006-02-13T18:00:30+00:00
A photo of Jesus with Grandpa Bill already rests on your mantle. Is your decor now simply aching for a velvet painting, charcoal sketch or even a mousepad of Jesus and his celebrity friends? Well, here you go! (Although admittedly, they look more like photoshop collages to me).

Jesus and Elvis meet Diana and Mother Theresa at the Gates of Heaven! Jesus and Elvis holding hands somewhere beyond the blue! Jesus, Elvis, and Dale Earnhardt talking NASCAR! They're all there for your purchasing pleasure!

The Baked Bean Museum of Excellence

2006-02-13T17:28:58+00:00
Ok, so it looks like Bono* of U2 has painted himself orange, moved to picturesque Port Talbot, Wales (birthplace of the late Richard Burton & Sir Anthony Hopkins), and opened a museum dedicated to baked beans.

*Ok, it might not be Bono. Unless Bono legally changed his name to Captain Beany from Planet Beanus... which apparently this guy has.

Rah Rah Rasputin!

2006-02-13T03:04:45+00:00
In late 19th & early 20th century Russia, Gregory Efimovich Rasputin was a famous guy (warning: bottom of the page has a photo of his corpse). Not only was he incredibly difficult to murder, dare I say he remains legendary for his powers with women to this day (warning #2: photo of his...umm... most famous asset, pickled in a museum).

Flash forward to 1978... who could possibly be more deserving of a disco tribute than Rasputin! Russia's greatest love machine!? This catchy tune was sung by Boney M, who occasionally looked a lot like OJ Simpson.

The King of Confetti

2006-02-12T07:28:43+00:00
1970s icon, the Prince of Pandemonium Rip Taylor was named Las Vegas "Entertainer of the Year" three years in a row in the 1970s. Before graduating to confetti, Rip started by throwing things like string beans, marshmallows and peanuts at the audience, who ended up throwing them back at him. He turned 72 last month and if his website (including video blog) is any hint, he's as wacked out as ever.

Rip Taylor Extras
Want to see him without his wig?
Remember the $1.98 Beauty Show?
What about his turn as Sheldon the Sea Genie on Sigmund & the Sea Monsters?
Even a Master of Mayhem can get mugged.

Master Sensei Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink

2006-02-12T04:27:55+00:00
Is your chi a little funky? Karma feeling down?

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks... Now available in Cherry Charge and Asian Experience.*

One sip and you'll be back to roundhouse-kicking coworkers through plate glass windows before you know it!

*Soy sauce flavor...?

Custom Sewing by Lydia of Purple

2006-02-12T04:07:30+00:00
The choice of a URL name can make or break any internet business. It should be easy to remember and give people an idea of the services you offer. When seamstress Lydia of Purple chose a website name to market her "Modest Homeschooling Christian Clothing," I guess she figured she'd go for the latter & forget about that whole "catchy" thing. One out of two ain't bad, really.

www.modestapparelchristianclothing-
lydiaofpurpledressescustomsewing.com.

Heavenly Images

2006-02-12T02:32:08+00:00
Not sure if Grandpa Bill went to Heaven but you're really, really hoping he did? Well Heavenly Images can provide some visual confirmation to ease your mind.

We make pictures of your loved ones with Jesus!

Star Wars Valentines

2006-02-11T02:37:46+00:00
Too bad most Star Wars fanatics don't actually have girlfriends to send these to.

Arrested Development

2006-02-11T00:50:37+00:00
Ok, so tonight is the 2 hour finale of Arrested Development, hands down one of the most well-written and brazenly wacky things on television. (How can you not love a show that features Chachi playing a lawyer named Bob Loblaw!?)

What's totally stupid about this? Nobody watches the damn show. Honestly, people... how can "According to Jim" be in its 30th season while this show dies? Makes no sense to me.

Anyhow, watch the show tonight. Just in case it doesn't get picked up anywhere, bid it a fond adieu and buy or rent the dvds. You'll be glad you did.

History's Most Unfortunately Named Diet Pill

2006-02-10T02:36:27+00:00
Why take diet pills when you can enjoy AYDS?

In the 70s & 80s, Ayds Diet Pills did a steady business. Then along came some pesky disease with an unfortunate name... dang!

1980s American commercial
Now in Peanut Butter Flavor!
1970s British commercial

shrimp flinging shaker bangers

2006-02-09T21:30:45+00:00
I hope this doesn't mean they're going to stop throwing my food at me. Why else would anyone go there?

Rod Hull & Emu

2006-02-09T07:45:12+00:00
Continuing with the 1970s flashbacks... anybody feel like watching a strange British guy with an Emu puppet on his arm repeatedly attack, choke, and try to drown a Dutch television host? Well here you go.

Those of you from Britain no doubt have strong memories of Rod Hull & Emu's shtick. Even though Mr. Hull passed away in 1999 (fell off the roof of his house!), you can still buy emu toys there.

Personally, I remember Emu from The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show (circa 1975). To a little kid, the concept of an attack puppet is strangely brilliant... before long, all of my puppets suddenly began attacking my sisters.

Sky Mall solves all personal odor problems with Body Mints

2006-02-09T05:20:00+00:00

Foot odor, bad breath, B.O. in general? Don't sweat it. Sky Mall has you covered with Body Mints.
. . . . .

The Feathered-Back Hair Site

2006-02-09T03:45:05+00:00
The 1970s were filled with people with perfectly feathered hair. Want to relive those Barbara Cooper/Farrah/Parker Stevenson-inspired days of yore? Want to check out the feathered hairstyles of the present? Or do you just need some inspiration for your own feathered hair of the future? Well trek on over to The Feathered-Back Hair Site. Groovy!

All Dogs Don't Go to Heaven

2006-02-09T02:11:24+00:00
Many Christians believe that animals do not go to heaven. So when Jesus comes back and you return with him to heaven, will there be somebody to take care of your dog or cat?

If you have a non-Christian family member, they might take care of your pet, but if not, have you made any plans? Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?

Call on Jesus Pets! They can help!

Are you a sinner interested in taking care of "pets of the pious" left behind post-Rapture? Apply for a job!

People are totally stupid

2006-02-08T18:46:16+00:00
A six-year-old boy was suspended from school for three days after officials said he sexually harassed a girl in his first-grade class.

"My son told the principal, 'Are police going to get me? What did I do wrong?'" Dorinvil said. "I'm confused because I really don't know what this is about."

Jesus, this poor kid is going to be too freaked out to ever touch another girl. His high school years are gonna be rough...

The Wonder of Ziggy

2006-02-08T18:07:26+00:00
When I was a kid in the 70s I really loved cartoons, and people back then REALLY loved Ziggy. (I guess the 700 Club still does...) Things just never went right for that little bald cartoon man (Boy? Kid? How old IS he, anyhow?). Good times!

So today I decided to revisit Ziggy's cartoon world. But you know what? I've left that world realizing that the wonder of ziggy is mostly just how we ever found him funny. Is it just me?

Sky Mall Finally Solves Uncomfortable Hair Washing

2006-02-08T13:36:45+00:00

Because it's just so inconvenient to have to lean back to have your hair washed, Sky Mall offers the hair washing contraption that allows you to sit just as you are.

. . . . .

CuteTracker�

2006-02-07T23:32:27+00:00
The geniuses over at Cute Overload have done it again!

In a PuppyWar/KittenWar-style competition, CuteTracker� pits animals (and the occasional baby) against eachother... and only the cutest may survive.

So let the battles begin!

The magical stylings of Wing... singing Elvis!

2006-02-07T17:55:11+00:00
ELVIS #9

Hi, I am Wing! I immigrated to New Zealand with my family about ten years ago from Hong Kong. I have been learning singing in New Zealand and I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals and occasionally promotional concerts as I go along.

I've been a dedicated fan of Wing's unique singing for many, many years. I've been on her mailing list since LONG before she had her own South Park episode. Listening to her always makes me strangely happy, even when some of the notes she hits cause a small trickle of blood to flow from my ears. It brings me joy that people have talked her into covering AC/DC. I just adore living in a world where Wing exists.

So IMAGINE my joy when yesterday Wing sent out an e-mail announcing the release of her new album... WING SINGS ELVIS!!! With me doing this whole Elvis theme and all, it feels like a gift from God.

So all of that said, may I now present... Wing singing "In The Ghetto." Life is so wonderful sometimes!

Electric Tongue Cleaner

2006-02-07T13:40:35+00:00

Finally, a product that makes cleaning your tongue 700 times easier! The Electric Tongue Cleaner!

. . . . .

Electric Potato Peeler

2006-02-07T13:30:59+00:00

The Electric Potato Peeler looks exactly like any ordinary potato peeler, except it require two AA batteries.

. . . . .

Andy Hardy drops trou

2006-02-07T00:51:53+00:00
With this year's Super Bowl over and all of its advertising dollars spent, let's flashback to the scandal of last year, shall we? In the wake of wardrobe malfunction mania, the most controversial banned tv ad of last year wasn't about tank top straps.... oh no. Try again.

The offending spot I'm referring to was for Airborne, and featured a then-85-year-old Mickey Rooney's bare behind as he ran from a coughing woman in a coed (?) steamroom. Caused quite a scandal, too... he was even on the Today Show to discuss it.

You're welcome.

Looking for Elvis

2006-02-06T22:36:05+00:00
ELVIS #8

In May 2000, Ronny Bauer sold all of his belongings, quit his job, said farewell to his band and left to undertake "the ultimate journey," The Search for Elvis.

His goal? "I will circle the globe to find all the people and places that still have The Spirit of the King in their hearts." He's currently looking for Elvis in Essaouira, Morocco through April.

You've gotta give him a hand for dedication... I'm surprised he hasn't found the guy yet!

Ask the King!

2006-02-06T21:40:48+00:00
ELVIS #7

Sure, it sounds like an angry fly in a rainstorm, but don't be fooled, darlin'. It's just disembodied, floating, sneering Elvis heads that will answer all of your deepest, darkest questions from beyond the grave.

Be patient while the heads materialize (load).

Lobster Arcade is Cruel and Unusual

2006-02-06T13:05:32+00:00

For anyone who thought that PETA was strictly a mammal advocate group, The Lobster Arcade Game was recently denounced by Karin Robertson of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals who said it's cruel to use lobsters as an amusement before cooking them. PETA reports that the Roland's Seafood Grill in Pittsburgh has removed this cruel contraption.

For more lobster liberation advocacy groups, check here.

Shake your Booty!

2006-02-06T08:28:04+00:00
Need an animated gif of someone dancing? Here are plenty to choose from! Enjoy. (From j-walk)

The parodies just keep coming...

2006-02-04T09:07:15+00:00
Take Brokeback Mountain, throw in some Marty McFly & a side of Doc Brown, and you end up with none other than Brokeback to the Future.

Upstairs at Graceland

2006-02-04T08:39:17+00:00
ELVIS #6

Upstairs at Graceland, or The Day I Met the King... a tale of romance (with Elvis' secret offspring no less, who apparently lives upstairs at Graceland a la Flowers in the Attic).

Elvis in Sumerian & Latin

2006-02-04T05:12:23+00:00
ELVIS #5

Finnish Doctor Ammondt has mixed his unique linguistic skills with his love for rock and roll by translating Elvis' music into ancient languages. I wish there were mp3s!

The Latin CD features hits such as Quate, Crepa, Rota (Shake, Rattle and Roll), Ursus Taddeus (Teddy Bear), Nunc Distrahor (All Shook Up), and Ne Saevias (Don't Be Cruel)

Ear Wax Candy

2006-02-04T05:06:07+00:00
Yummy candy disguised as waxy buildup in a big plastic ear. It even comes complete with a plastic Q-tip!

The Flying Elvi

2006-02-03T21:11:08+00:00
ELVIS #4

Anyone who's seen Honeymoon in Vegas is familiar with their aeronautic glory... but for those of you who are out of the loop, let me introduce you to The Flying Elvi!!!

The Flying ELVI is a ten member skydiving team... They combine a spine tingling aerial skydiving performance of smoke trails, pyrotechnic fireworks, and precision maneuvers with an over-the-top entertaining stage show.

And in case you were wondering, the Flying ELVI are officially licensed by Elvis Presley Enterprises�.

Beards

2006-02-02T06:47:46+00:00
This is about beards. It's important to remember that these people evolved from the same source* as you and me.

Check it. This is a nice site with "the world's largest online collection of beard images."

Don't miss it. Frontpage wizards who are very, very serious. Serious about beards. The "Success Stories" section is the Mona Lisa of this Louvre.

Food bits. That's all I could think of. That's all anyone should think of. If you didn't think of it, perhaps you should just go ahead and become Amish. Or maybe you should just buy some Amish salsa and pretend you're an Amish person that loves salsa.

Of course these guys had to make an appearance.

*Monkeys.

Praise Elvis!

2006-02-02T04:31:12+00:00
ELVIS #3

Elvis vs. Jesus
The First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis
24 HOUR CHURCH OF ELVIS, Portland, Oregon
The First Presleyterian Church
��of Elvis the Divine Australia
Elvis Underground: The Church
Elvis Gospel
Shmelvis Searching for The King's Jewish Roots
The Lesser Elvis Banishing
��Ritual of the Sequined Pentagram

Broke Mac Mountain

2006-02-01T19:13:58+00:00
Nope, those Brokeback Mountain parodies are never going to stop. Now there's even one for Mac geeks.

Cloning Elvis

2006-02-01T18:08:35+00:00
ELVIS #2

Do you desperately miss the presence of Elvis' pelvis on this Earth? Well, you too can sign the petition to have Elvis Presley cloned. FYI, there's a suggested donation of $5.

Midi Warning:� Turn down your sound!

Nude Elvis!

2006-02-01T17:48:05+00:00
ELVIS #1

I began last month with posts about dancing. What's this month's theme, you ask? Well thank you for asking. For no reason in particular, I shall be featuring tributes to a man who's now been dead for 29 years. Yep, it's... ELVIS! I shall be "T.C.B." by occasionally sharing tales of society's undying love for Elvis, people who live off of Elvis, and any other suitable Elvis craziness I find. Why? Because even after almost three decades there is just so darn much of it!

Our first featured Elvis for the month is the PRESIDENT and webmaster for the National Association of Amateur Elvis Impersonators. None other than NUDE ELVIS! And before you ask... yes, he lives in San Francisco.

Thankyouverymuch! I'm leaving the building now.

Yay for Wiener Dogs!

2006-02-01T06:26:29+00:00
Dixie the Tiny Dog (mp3)
by Peter Himmelman

Wiener Dog Racing

Wiener Dog Fighting

Wiener Dog Art

Wiener Dog Gifts

Death of the Doggie Diner Dachshund

And the return of an old favorite...
Wiener Dog in a Shell!

Psychic Pets Network

2006-01-31T15:40:43+00:00

Is your pet psychic? Find out here.

Don't forget to check your pets horoscope.

Buy the book.

. . . . .

Oooh! Delish!!!

2006-01-31T03:18:35+00:00
Scones, fritters and sushi, all featuring wood lice as a major ingredient (that's pillbugs to us Americans)! Yummmm.

Disney on Ice

2006-01-31T03:06:28+00:00
Maybe I have a sick mind. I don't know. but I just saw a commercial for Disney on Ice's Finding Nemo show, and I couldn't help but cringe. I mean, look at the photo on the left. Don't the eyeballs just kinda look... ummm... a little too strategically placed? Didn't the costume designers even notice? This is a kids' show, for Christ's sake!!!

Dream Analysis - Who to trust?

2006-01-28T17:41:27+00:00
There are lots of online dream analysis services, but with so many to choose from, who do you trust?

Let's take a common dream and see how the online services compare.

Okay, so you dream that you are an alien, which seems to be a comon theme in the online dream analyisis world.

sleeps.com answer:
If you dream that you are an alien from outer space this will denote that your ideas are starting to get out of hand in regard to occult matters.

dreammoods.com answer:
To dream that you are an alien, symbolizes the undiscovered part of yourself. Your manifestation as an alien may be your way of 'escaping' from reality.

dreamloverinc.com answer:
If you dream that you are the alien, it suggests that you may feel detached from some parts of yourself and from others.

paranormality.com answer:
To dream you are an alien, denotes abiding friendships.

. . . . .

Almost Naked Animals

2006-01-28T04:01:10+00:00

Almost naked Animals. Illustrations by Noah Z. Jones of almost naked animals and their tastes, what they like or dislike.

via Bibi's Box + Drawn

. . . . .

PopoZao, take two

2006-01-28T03:58:01+00:00
It's official... The Actor's Studio's own James Lipton totally outrocks Mr. Britney Spears. Who knew?

Hey hey. We're the Monkeys.

2006-01-27T18:06:00+00:00
Really, that's all we are. Monkeys with high speed digital optic technology, but monkeys nevertheless. So there.

tlhIngan maH!

2006-01-27T06:42:56+00:00
Have you always wanted to be a Klingon? Well there are websites to help you speak Klingon or just look like one. Work hard and you can even take part in the Klingon Summer Games. And if you just need help trying to communicate with a Klingon? Well, there's an online Klingon translator that also covers Romulan (Rihannsu), Vulcan, and Esperanto.

Your Carnivore?

2006-01-27T05:00:35+00:00

You're dog or cat might be a carnivore, but that doesn't mean you have to treat them like one, damnit!

VeggiePets.com is the highest ranking Google site for "vegetarian pet food", and is a major online retailer for "HappiDog tasty flakes" , approved by the Vegetarian Society.

VegitarianDogs.com is apparently rated #19 of all veggie sites, and is focused on selling a spiral bound book about canine ethics, whatever that is.

VeganCats.com is 100% cruelty free, except for the design!

Want to talk about it first before forcing your meat eater to subsist on barley and corn? Hook up with the VegPets.com message board, with almost 1,000 posts so far since 2002.

. . . . .

Hey Cat Lovers!

2006-01-26T22:01:17+00:00
Bored? Have a cat? Get ready because

STUFF + CAT = FUN

Cat Lovers of all ages are discovering the joy of placing random household objects upon their cats. Cat sadists are experimenting all over the country with shoes, beverage containers, even other cats! With just a little bit of practice you too can put stuff on your cat! If you have a dog and a cat please stop reading this and go place your dog on top of your cat.

Yay for Toast!!!

2006-01-26T21:37:06+00:00
Does toast totally float your boat? Well maybe you should try buying some online, singing about it, and then pushing stuff through it.

Just a thought.

Dynamic Nut Cracking

2006-01-26T06:42:59+00:00

You're probably asking yourself right about now, "how the heck am I going to crack more nuts than my neighbors?" ... and the answer is either a Dynamic Nut Cracker or the Kinetic Nut Cracker, which is way more expensive but will shell 1,560 pecans per hour.

. . . . .

We have lift-off!

2006-01-25T21:04:43+00:00
Oh come on. What's sillier than dogs in mid-flight?

Lazy Monday

2006-01-25T03:28:54+00:00
The SNL Lazy Sunday backlash happened quickly and it was only time before there was a Los Angeles rebuttle.

Just for the record, the pottery at Color Me Mine isn't half as crazy delicious as a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery, but macchiatos are pretty darned tasty.

Why is President George Bush so awesome?

2006-01-25T01:16:30+00:00
Rocketboom decided to try finding out the answer to that question by asking people on the street.

Kevin Federline bobs his head a lot

2006-01-24T19:26:32+00:00
I really don't know why people give Britney Spears such a hard time for marrying Kevin Federline. After watching this video, I realize he just reminds me of guys I knew in college. Of course that said, those were guys that I wouldn't let touch me no matter how drunk I was because they were annoying as Hell, wouldn't stop saying stupid things, were perpetually unemployed, & never bathed enough. So on second thought, Britney Spears really has awful taste in men.

Pet Snails

2006-01-24T14:17:30+00:00

If you're considering getting a snail as a pet, check in with the experts at PetSnails first. With 20,000 posts in their forum, the questions you have may already be answered online.

. . . . .

Figure skatingwith my homies

2006-01-23T18:50:53+00:00
I have to admit that I think Salon kinda nailed it on this one. The forced "synergy" of urban R&B and figure skaters is kind of obvious in this video clip. (view short ad first, sorry). Sometimes two "great tastes" just don't taste so yummy together, y'know?

Here's what they had to say: �...this clip from this weekend's "Sarah Hughes & Friends" seemed like a breakthrough of sorts, in that it actually boasted back-up singing from Ashanti... and it displayed a spine-tingling culture clash we can best describe as "TRL" meets the Lawrence Welk Show dancers.

Largest Popcorn Ball

2006-01-23T13:31:32+00:00

How do you get people to visit Sac County, Iowa? The Sac County Economic and Tourism Development Council decided to create the world's largest popcorn ball.

. . . . .

Eric conveysan emotion

2006-01-23T07:45:17+00:00
Eric is an emotional guy. Just suggest an emotion or event and he'll enact it for you. He takes requests!

Hello Jesus!

2006-01-23T07:35:23+00:00
No, it's not real. Hello Jesus! is just a little joke from the National Lampoon archive, circa April 1984.

Everybody SingDictionaraoke!

2006-01-22T20:51:40+00:00
Audio clips from online dictionaries sing the hits of yesterday and today. The fun of karaoke meets the word power of the dictionary!

I was an '80s girl, so at the moment, I'm thinking this one is my favorite. Although it's pretty fun to hear David Byrne being channeled too.

ETA... Hey! It's Dictionaraoke Tom Jones! Yay!

Haggis Hunt

2006-01-22T14:24:07+00:00
There are only three days left for you to stare at any of ten cams placed around Britain in hopes of spotting a Haggis and winning a prize.

Don't miss out - Visit the Haggis Cams immediately. While you are staring at these cams in hopes of spotting a Haggis, you may want to drink a good deal Balblair Whiskey, the clever sponsor of this uniquely troubling game.

. . . . .

Virtual Lite Brite

2006-01-22T08:46:28+00:00
Anybody can be an artist!

But first, let's all sing the theme song together, shall we? "Lite Brite, makin' thiiings with liiiiiggghhht. What a sight, makin' things with Lite Brite!"

The Power of aGood Tinfoil Hat

2006-01-22T05:05:02+00:00
There used to be a guy who would sit in front of the Chinese Theater in Hollywood wearing a tinfoil helmet. One day while waiting for a movie, my friends and I spent some time being enlightened by him in regards to how a well-made hat of aluminum foil is proven protection for the human brain from all forms of radiation and alien mind control. (A theory that's even been tested by engineers from MIT's Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department.)

After being in front of the theater every day for years, one day I noticed that tinfoil helmet guy had disappeared & never returned. I have always wondered if maybe he took off his hat for a minute one day & the inevitable happened...

Do you want protection from mind control but lack confidence in your ability to make a good, functional tinfoil helmet? Just buy one ready-made! And hey, don't forget to buy a couple more just for your pets. It's a proven fact... puppies that are under alien-mind control aren't half as good at fetching squeaky toys.

On the flip side, if you and your pet really want to get abducted by aliens? Just contact these people.

National Council of Dull Men

2006-01-22T03:26:26+00:00
I think I may have accidentally dated a few members of this club. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Car Stuck Girls

2006-01-22T03:06:23+00:00
I suppose everyone has their own little fantasy. If seeing girls get their cars stuck in the mud just happens to be yours, then have I got a website for you!

The Daily Wav

2006-01-20T20:23:42+00:00
The Daily Wav's concept is simple... every day Hunter Elliott puts random soundclips on the web for your listening pleasure. Or as he describes it, "11 years of forcing my annoying hobby on you and your cubemates!"

Bon Bon Land

2006-01-20T19:52:12+00:00
I spent some quality time visiting a friend in Denmark in 1996. I experienced Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen and Legoland in Billund, but I am devastated to find that I missed what is arguably the best Danish amusement park of all... Bon Bon Land. Well, that is, if you rate your amusement parks based on how much they're themed on boobs, farting, peeing and pooping.

You can take a lovely photo tour of Bon Bon Land by clicking here (be sure to catch the signs they have for the bathrooms). The park also features rides like The Dog Fart Switchback (which actually farts on you), The Horse Dropping, The Rubbish Dump, The Gull-Dropping Cycle, and many more.

Man, I just love other countries. They totally rock.

ETA... I just had a flashback to my trip in 1996. I was at a youth hostel and found this candy called Store Babser in a vending machine... they were literally little gummy boobs. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, so I bought about five packages for friends. As I was going through the photo gallery, I was wondering why Bon Bon Land's buxom cow looked really familiar! Now I get it!

Cow Cam

2006-01-20T13:30:06+00:00
There's only one way to keep track of what the cows are doing and that's to watch them constantly.

In service for over five years, the remarkable cow cam.

. . . . .

Weird things you can buy

2006-01-20T04:38:39+00:00
Just in time for tax refund season, I've compiled a list of a few great products you can blow that big check on.

First up are Location Earth Dog Tags. Now, one trait of all these products that I've found is that each one serves a purpose. But the Location Earth Dog Tags may be the most important of all. If you find yourself lost in space, when you are eventually rescued by aliens, you will want the Location Earth Dog Tags, because they have a map back to our planet, which is Earth. The maps are designed so that anyone can read them, whether they be a member of a hyper-intelligent superrace of alien beings or just some jackass riding around in a spaceship who doesn't speak Earthling.

Next we have some sexxxy comforters that are great for your room in the frat house, your swinging bachelor pad, your room in the frat house, or, hey, just get creative! I'm not exactly sure who this product is targeted at, someone either teenage or male. Maybe both.

Well, a product we can all enjoy (dog lovers only) is the Bow-Lingual Dog Translator. Linked here is a review of it. This is a high tech piece of gear that converts dog barks into words so you can understand your dog. It's a version of the one that US Senators use to converse with Trent Lott, I think, and like most high tech things, this has been out in Japan for longer than it has here.

Finally, Reemco has the monopoly on weird crap that you can buy. The brilliance of Reemco is that if you spend more than fifteen minutes on their website, some of the stuff starts to seem like a good idea. I liked the Plumber's Shield, but my favorite item of theirs, by far, is the CDC Ebola Virus Outbreak Action Playset. I mean, I think it's time that we got kids started early in developing a healthy relationship with the Ebola Virus.

700 Books = 1 Bar

2006-01-19T20:54:04+00:00
Wow! Now I finally know what to do with all of those unread thriftstore books that litter my house! Build a cool bar & have a party!

Public Sculpture Opinion Poll

2006-01-19T20:16:07+00:00
The Klein Art Works Sculpture Garden in Chicago decided to move the Josh Garber sculpture titled Episodic to a more public space.

An Objective Compilation of Public Opinions of Josh Garber's Sculpture:

Ugly (11)
Sucks (5)
What is it? (5)
I don't like it (4)
Cool (4)
Prefer Army tank that was once on this site (4)

All the opinions are here.

. . . . .

The Jowlers

2006-01-19T08:22:45+00:00
This site is a place for you to upload and browse a unique type of photo that we like to call the Jowler. These fun pictures are created when the subject of a photo shakes their head really fast while the picture is taken...

The Skin Bag

2006-01-19T07:53:21+00:00
Oh, those crazy French people. They've got some wacky ideas. I think it's best to let them explain these products in their own words... so here goes.

Organic objects seamless, in synthetic human skin, Limited series, or on demand and made to measure. Skin-related Bags, Accessories and OverGarnments, a successful alchemy between the captivating and the repulsive for a sensuel fashion without complacency.

G o r e + C h i c = V e r y C h i c

SkinBag is presented like a mutation proposal. It is a type of discarded skin which retains an identity.

Um, okay. Whatever you say. Please don't hurt me.

Fainting Goats

2006-01-19T07:14:28+00:00
Fainting Goats are a slightly smaller version of the standard goat, who, believe it or not, thanks to a genetic condition called myotonia congenita, actually seem to faint when they are startled.

As strange as this may sound, these little critters have actually served an historical purpose. Shepherds often kept the goats in with their flocks as insurance in case of predator attacks. The theory went something like this- as wolves would come down from the hills to attack a flock of sheep, the goats would become startled and, as per the name of their breed, they would faint. The sheep would make a clean getaway, as the wolves would focus on the stunned goats rather than pursue the fleeing sheep.

Wow, it sure sucks to be a Fainting Goat!

What is wrong with me that I find this video so funny!?
Fainting Goat mid-faint photo gallery
The International Fainting Goat Association

Iraq Online

2006-01-18T16:15:59+00:00
If you want to get started doing business in Iraq, the official online resource is apparently Iraqibusinesscenter.org - which oddly enough is owned by Jim Sosnicky. Follow the trail a bit farther to the Baghdad Business Center, and you'll find that it too is owned and operated by the former DJ and very colorful Mr. Sosnicky.

Other interactive Iraqi locations include The Official Website for the Iraqi Government (not updated since September of 2005). This site is owned and maintained (every so often) by the inspired Ekur Services (cool theme song) - a group of Iraqi nationals who moved back to Baghdad to sew up most of the contracts for all the new government websites.

If you want to link up to Iraqi Government Websites, the US Embassy there provides everyone with the grim state of interactive affairs.

. . . . .

Run away! Run away!

2006-01-18T09:13:28+00:00
Straight from Monty Python & the Holy Grail comes this furry harbinger of doom. Cute, furry, soft, and completely deadly... It looks like a cute little bunny, but pull open its mouth to reveal its hideously deformed teeth. And if that�s not enough, squeeze its leg (if you dare!) to start its evil red eyes flashing.

The official site for the best word ever

2006-01-18T09:05:07+00:00
There's no telling where some words come from... Well, for the most part, I'm guessing we will never know how some words came into origin. But I have come up with a clearly outlined history of the greatest word ever, along with definitions and a useful synonyms list.

Welcome to Ass Hat, the Website

And if you're the literal type, you can even own your very own Ass Hat! How chic.

Man jailed for not killing woman

2006-01-17T22:41:22+00:00
Maybe it's just me... but some people really have waaaaay too much drama going on in their lives.

Here's a prime example.

Ten Years of Crop Circles

2006-01-17T14:35:54+00:00

In case you missed this landmark anniversary, Crop Circle Connector recently celebrated ten years online of trying to explain why 50% of all crop circles appear in England.

There is speculation here at TotallyStupid that the site itself was designed by aliens.

. . . . .

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

2006-01-16T22:06:44+00:00
Pride. Envy. Wrath, Gluttony and Lust. Sloth and Greed. The seven deadly sins. Countless souls have been eternally damned for succumbing to them. If you are bound for hell, discover what sin will send you there... you may be surprised. You might just learn something new about yourself -- hopefully before it's too late...

David Hasselhoff Midlife Crisis #10

2006-01-16T21:34:03+00:00
Say what you want about the Hoff, the guy is industrious (and a total spaz. Need proof?). Everyone knows how much Germany loves him... after all, he singlehandedly knocked down the Berlin Wall, for God's sake! (Or did he? Well, no matter.)

This guy's been lucky enough to make a lot of money by talking to a car, running in slow motion on the beach, having Sponge Bob Squarepants literally run up and down his hairy, aging body on the big screen and even, somehow, being allowed to sing and dance on Broadway. (He also has a lot of internet games dedicated to him, as previously noted.) Yes, life is good for the ol' Hoff. So what else is left for him to do but retire and grow old with his family? He's done it all, right?

Never underestimate David Hasselhoff's plans for the future... now he's divorcing his wife of 16 years (Can you hear the hausfraus rejoicing? They don't have to throw themselves out of windows anymore!), having some major face work done ("Look at me! I'm perpetually surprised and my brow no longer furls!") and may or may not be recording a rap album with Ice T.

I'm crossing my fingers for "may not"... a David Hasselhoff rap album is more than I can bear. I can't think of anything worse. Oh, wait... actually, I CAN!

Freeze Dry Your Pets

2006-01-16T14:20:10+00:00

"Once your pet has passed away, place him or her into a plastic bag and into a freezer ASAP."

Sorry, these people, in spite of their website are simply too busy to freeze dry your pet right now. They do however offer a delightful gallery of freeze dried pets.

Perpetual Pet takes the best name in category award.

If you're interested in an exciting career freeze drying peoples pets, get started at FreezeDry.com.

. . . . .

Didn't He Ramble

2006-01-16T08:21:10+00:00
In late 2003 I started collecting obituaries from the Metro section of the local New Orleans newspaper, the Times Picayune. The single criteria for inclusion was that the deceased must have a nickname of distinction, something capable of eliciting a giggle or a frown or a raised brow. Admittedly, it�s an odd thing to collect... I liked these obits because they captured snippets of lives that are a reflection of the community I love...

These scraps of paper survived Katrina in my beaten up Mid City home, and as I gaze on them now, they are a poignant reminder of what�s been lost... I wonder how �Tangle Eye� would have done in Salt Lake City or how Mr. �Dolomite� would have been received in Minneapolis... And what about the next generation of �Puddins� and �Stumpies� and �Mumbles� and �Roundheads�? How are they making out right now?

PC EZ Bake Oven

2006-01-16T07:46:13+00:00
It's 2pm and you still haven't left your cubicle for lunch. Wouldn't a tasty little cake cooked by the warmth of a lightbulb be scrumptious right about now? It seems like computers can do everything, but they sure can't help you when you're hungry... until now.

Yummy!

2006-01-16T07:28:19+00:00
My parents hosted many a cocktail party in the early years of my life. This was when I learned the profoundly-important lesson... NO SOIREE IS EVER COMPLETE WITHOUT VIENNA SAUSAGES & FONDUE!!!

Ok yeah, so actually I've since learned that this lesson was really, really wrong. But at the time it seemed so right, just so grown up! So for your dining & viewing pleasure (and in honor of my mother the hostess, circa 1970 or so) I present the following illustrated chronicles of gastronomic tragedies of the past. Bon appetit!

The Gallery of Regrettable Food
The Ground Meat Cookbook
Recipes of the Damned

Live Bait Vending Machines

2006-01-14T18:04:14+00:00

Looking for a new business opportunity? You might think about investing in live bait vending machines.

The history of Live Bait Vending

Why you need them and how they work.

Chat with other live bait vending machine operators who are making big bucks.

Get started and buy one online today.

. . . . .

Inedible edibles

2006-01-13T19:58:53+00:00
Thank God for Steve. He eats things so you don't have to. From fermented soybeans to prison wine to a bowl of Urkel-Os, join him in saying F YOU to his taste buds...

And if you feel like saying F YOU to your tastebuds? KookyChow.com has some nicely unappetizing suggestions. Bon appetit!

Ten Years of Cat Cam

2006-01-13T14:11:29+00:00
It's a sad truth, but totally stupid stuff doesn't usually last very long on the internet. It's therefore very satisfying to eagerly anticipate the ten year anniversary of Cat Cam, launched in 1996 and still just as stupid as ever.

. . . . .

Digi Pet Funeral Parlor

2006-01-13T13:25:51+00:00
Dignified burials or budget funerals. Either way, this is the place to go when your beloved Giga Pet passes on.

This site has been around for years, even outlived the Giga Pet craze, but it still entertains.

. . . . .

Freaky Franks

2006-01-13T08:40:59+00:00
Build your own surreal weenie! Just pick one wet and one dry ingredient and voila! You've created your very own inedible virtual snack!

Banner Ads - Gone but not forgotten

2006-01-12T14:24:53+00:00
There are things in this world that are well worth preserving. If you thought that once your favorite banner ad was taken out of circulation that it was gone forever, think again.

The Banner Ad Gallery

. . . . .

Own Elvis' Tighty Whities!

2006-01-11T19:33:49+00:00
Due to a fortuitous laundry mix-up, a pair of used briefs which once "took care" of Elvis Presley's "business" could now be yours. According to former bodyguard Sonny West, "Elvis wore tights under his jumpsuits because he had split his pants several times while performing. He wore this pair sometime in the mid-seventies."

So far no bidders, but bad-spelling may be the problem. They should try contacting this guy... I think he'd be interested. ��From j-walk

Tortilla Paintings

2006-01-11T18:45:22+00:00
Joe Bravo has become quite well known for his fanciful use of tortillas as a ground for traditional painting. His painstakingly-detailed artwork is particularly tasty with a little bit of cheese and some guacamole. Yum.

Monogrammed Toilet Paper

2006-01-11T13:50:18+00:00
Monogrammed Toilet Paper. Or, perhaps your company logo on toilet paper. Also of interest, toiletpaperworld.com offers the toilet paper encyclopedia. . . . . .

How to Fight a Bully

2006-01-10T21:41:02+00:00
Is the office bully on your case and in your face? Well, quit being a pipsqueak and learn how to fight back!

How to Win Arguments

2006-01-10T21:12:51+00:00
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules.

Microscopic Views of Rust

2006-01-10T05:55:33+00:00
Rust is beautiful, in it's own way.

Microscopic images of rust collection.

. . . . .

Oh dear Lord, NOOO.

2006-01-09T18:06:32+00:00
Production on Rocky 6 has actually begun, and to keep up with these modern times Sylvester Stallone has started a blog for it.

For those of you out of the loop, this is the sequel where Rocky valiantly searches for a decent retirement facility where treatment for all of his old boxing injuries will be fully covered by Medicaid. Should be riveting.

Seriously, in my mind the good news here is that the character of Clubber Lang is apparently going to be included in the plot. 'Cuz everyone knows that anyone who don't looove Mr. T is just full of jibba jabba. And I pity them. Because they're fools.

Date to Save

2006-01-09T09:01:48+00:00
Calling all Hot Women of the LORD!!!

Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I'm a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don't know is that I'm hot... I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same... Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!

ETA... Cool! T-shirts!

Ingagi!!!

2006-01-09T06:37:57+00:00
One of the Depression's highest-grossing films was an outrageous fabrication, a scandalous and suggestive gorilla epic that set box office records.

According to the L.A. Times, three years before the original King Kong hit film screens, the much more lurid and horribly racist Ingagi paved the way with much of the plot. Upon initial release, audiences (including Daily Variety) swallowed the film's story whole as fact. Then in 1940 the all-black horror film Son of Ingagi was released in a belated attempt to capitalize on the original film's success.

According to the Times, the few people who have viewed the original Ingagi will never forget the heart-stopping, climactic final scene. In lieu of climbing the Empire State Building, the "persecuted-but-sensitive" creature performs a thrilling tap dance and is crowned unanimous victor at the Apollo Amateur Hour. Oh wait, no, I totally made that up.

Lebowski Fest West

2006-01-08T22:44:36+00:00
On January 14th, tickets go on sale for Lebowski Fest West 2006. I don't relate to being THAT obsessed with any movie, but I personally know of a few quote-spouting fans of The Dude who are probably pooling their cash as I write this.

Crraaaaaccccckkkkk!

2006-01-08T22:12:49+00:00
I am one of those people who gets chills up their spine at the mere thought of someone cracking their knuckles. So I don't ever do it. Rob Manuel, on the other hand, not only cracks his knuckles he'll let you crack them too.

Just make sure I'm out of the room, please... gaaahhhh!

Cows In Shining Armor

2006-01-08T20:09:30+00:00
From out of the mists of history come brave, noble bovines. They laugh at danger, snort at steak, and moo at burgers with a furry fury. Each month doth feature heroes of cowdom from ages long past...

Sure, this clever calendar may be a restaurant promotion, but encouraging the eating of chicken by showing the heroics of noble cattle is sure a Hell of a lot funnier than making some fool in a dirty rooster suit & a garter belt pretend to pee on a couch on demand (Which he will. Ewww).

Thanks to Kimberly Cross.

The Laugh Lady

2006-01-07T21:54:21+00:00
I am the Professor of Mirth, a certified laughter leader with Laughter Yoga Clubs International. Let me show you how to laugh your stress away! It's okay if you think I'm nuts with all this laughter. I'd rather be a crazy quilt than a wet blanket. Laugh along with me and have fun!

A great book... for me to poop on!

2006-01-07T21:23:37+00:00
Everyone loves a book with a catchy title. The self-help tome How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? doesn't really have that virtue on its side, though (be sure to read the reviews, they're entertaining to say the least). Hiroyuki Nishigaki obviously translated the book from Japanese by himself. For a twice-published author. he has a unique way with the English language, which is really 99% of the book's entertainment value. (Bad english = big funny!)

So what is this whole anal constriction therapy he speaks of, and will it really make you happy? Well the always enlightening Tokyo-based Rob Pongi decided to make a party out of giving it a try with his friends, and they definitely don't look depressed at all. So why not just go for it... buy the book and constrict yourself to happiness! Wheeee!

Totally Web Sites

2006-01-07T16:12:22+00:00
An attempt at collecting ALL the totally sites on the world wide web. Get started here - and help out with this important research! . . . . .

How to dance like a white guy

2006-01-07T01:27:59+00:00
DANCING #7

Let's revisit a politically incorrect classic & shake our collective honky groove things, shall we?

The Gospel According to TV Land

2006-01-07T00:33:05+00:00
God can be found in unexpected places. Like in old tv shows, for example. With the right study guides and videos, you & your pious friends can start your very own bible study themed on:� I Love Lucy, The Lucy Show, Bonanza, The Beverly Hillbillies, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Superman, or The Simpsons. Even The Sopranos has been a gospel topic.

One of the most popular sitcoms for bible study is The Andy Griffith Show. The webmaster of BarneyFife.com, an online inspirational study of the show, explains: "Obviously it is my opinion that The Andy Griffith Show was a very special series, but is it really suitable to be the basis for an inspirational study? Looking back, each show tended to have a good moral theme that was brought out by the story line. Basic values such as character, personal responsibility, honesty, and integrity were routinely exemplified by the show. I believe these characteristics to be uncommon for most television shows past or present." So there.

So with that in mind, what basic values could be learned from a bible study inspired by the catfightalicious prime time soap Dynasty? Well, as one "review" says, "the Alaskan King crab puffs were for which to die!"... and as everyone knows, the Lord loves a good crab puff.

Nudist Christians Re-Unite with the American Association for Nude Recreation

2006-01-06T05:06:16+00:00

We heard lots of news this past year about plans for the Christian Nudist Community in Florida called Natura.

Modern day Quaker, Bill Martin recounted last month to TimesOnline that Natura was expelled by the American Association for Nude Recreation in February, 2005, because their (now defunct) website, naturaresports.com was displaying �sexually exploitative material�.

Archive.org provides the "wayback" evidence for these indiscretions (prepare yourself for nude Christian photos!) dating to 2003 - 2004 and 2005 ).

The good news is, that Natura is now reinstated as an official member of the American Association for Nude Recreation, following the release of their new and rather sad one page statement at natura-fellowship.org which simply admits that the group can't have a real web site any more, apparently because even nudists are offended by their belief in showing what nudity and Christianity mixed together actually looks like.

Their lively Yahoo message board lives on however (no photos), but not without controversy. Recent posts include concerns "we are having many persons attempt to become part of the group whose main interest seems to be sexual".

From all the evidence so far, it appears that Christians believing in online nudity (as long as you don't get interested in sex at the same time) may be coming to your town soon.

. . . . .

Mamas, it's totally ok to let your babies grow up to be gay cowboys.

2006-01-06T04:12:22+00:00
As the Oscars approach, Brokeback Mountain has momentarily brought a minority into the forefront of society. Gay cowboys are suddenly so hip, they've even been seen on eBay (although promptly censored) & have been prompting some clever parodies.

People don't seem to realize that there were homos on the range* long before Ang Lee, though. How do we know? Because the The International Gay Rodeo Association, The Golden State Gay Rodeo Association and HomoRodeo all tell us so. And these folks know how to wrassle brahma bulls to the dirt, so I would listen if I were you.

Not a gay cowboy but you think you might like to vacation as one? Then Gay Cowboy Travel is waiting for you! But be prepared... as everyone knows, the range gets lonely... so be sure to bookmark Fitzen.com and GayCowboyCentral.com, the internet's premier gay cowboy dating websites. Not that there's anything at all wrong with that. 'Cuz there's not.

*Sorry. I'm weak.

Stuck in the slammer

2006-01-05T20:59:00+00:00
Our friends at The Smoking Gun have picked their favorite mugshots of the year... and they are very special indeed. But if you're craving even more arrest photos, I present you with mugshot mecca.

Just find out you're going to Federal Prison yourself? Well, just pretend you're preparing for a vacation overseas: � buy a guidebook and consult with someone who's been there before.

With all of that quality alone-time, prison is a hotbed for creativity & introspection. Interested in what's on the mind of today's convict? Check out The Voice of the Imprisoned. If you're more of a visual soul, The Prison Art Project has all sorts of artwork for your collection. If you're a snob and only like your criminal artists to be of the infamous &/or executed variety however, then MurderAuction.com is the site for you. But one little tip? You're never going to get a girlfriend with THIS hanging on your wall.

On second thought, that statement could be wrong. See, there are lots of willing potential soulmates waiting for you over at PrisonerLife Personals, Meet-An-Inmate or the not exactly subtle Ladies of the Pen. And the good thing about dating someone in jail? You never have to wonder where they are!

ETA... Talk about synergy! I was just sharing my hatred for crafting a few posts ago, but who can resist celebrity mugshots in needlepoint!?

The Zulu Tattoo For You

2006-01-05T05:07:48+00:00
Apparently, we all have tattoos and just don't know it yet. Fortunately, Roni Zulu is a gifted fellow who can see them all for you.

"My job is never to put a mark on you � it�s to bring the mark out of you" Zulu said in an NPR interview.

For example, Dennis Rodman had a whole lot of tattoos before he visited Zulu, but didn't realize there was one hiding on his hand exactly like the one Zulu has on his own hand!

. . . . .

Automatic New Year's Resolution Generator

2006-01-04T16:37:27+00:00
For when you're just too
lazy to think up your own.

Still a jerk after all these years

2006-01-04T15:32:10+00:00
Ok, so it was the early '90s... I was stuck in traffic on Vine Street in Hollywood. The light turned green and I'm just hitting the gas when a black BMW speeds by from the parking lane and cuts me off from the right, forcing me to brake in a complete panic. Wanting to know what kind of &*%$ would do this, I sped up to see none other than a post-Young Guns Kiefer Sutherland staring intently ahead from the wheel. And this was before cel phones so it was really just him being a jerk on purpose. Thus began my personal decade of Kiefer-loathing.

But hey, he's redeemed himself lately right? It was a long time ago that he was cutting people off & being dumped by Julia Roberts. He's got a hit show, a family, he's all growed up and mature!

OR MAYBE NOT. Well, unless you call attacking a London hotel's innocent 12 ft. Christmas tree & doing lame breakdance routines whilst undergoing near-alcohol poisoning* with his garage band... uhhh... "mature." And if you do, you're probably rushing Sigma Nu at Arizona State & not a 40-year-old man with 4 kids. Just sayin'.

*And you did this all while hanging out with & hitting on REPORTERS for the London Sunday Mirror!? Ooof, really bad call, dude.

Totally High IQ Societies

2006-01-04T14:41:08+00:00
You may be asking yourself where all the really smart people are on the world wide web. The answers are here: The Giga Society "is open to anyone scoring at or above the 99.9999999th estimated unselected population percentile on any of the acceptable tests. This means one in a billion individuals can qualify." There are currently 6 members. The OLYMPIQ Society " International High-Intelligence's Society for the top 0.00003% of the general population. The abilities of OLYMPIQ members are extremely rare, since only 1'800 out of the 6'400'000'000 can qualify for membership." - Apparently, this doesn't mean you need to understand how websites are supposed to work. Make sure you browse this really smart site. The World Intelligence Network "Being aware of the importance of intelligence matters, Dr. Evangelos G. Katsioulis founded The World Intelligence Network (WIN) on January 1st, 2001. This date signals a departure from the structures and functions traditionally associated with high IQ societies." The Cosmic Intelligence Vanguard IQ society (CIVIQ society in short) is the new millennium's one in a thousand high-IQ community.

Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Dance Team

2006-01-04T07:58:53+00:00
DANCING #6

It's obvious that these kids worked super hard on this dance sequence, so contrary to ifilm's caption I don't think they should be embarrassed whatsoever. I think it's cute.

Besides, s/he who is without embarrassing school performances in their past can cast the first stone. I zip my mouth for very good reason. My kindergarten performance debut can be summed up in four words: "doggie in the window." Yes that's right, I barked and wagged my butt while kids sang about me and asked how much I cost. You got a problem with that? If so, see the photo on the post below...

SubversiveCross Stitching

2006-01-04T06:59:21+00:00
Throughout the 70s I lived in a house with craft-obsessed older sisters, so I've been horrified by useless and fugly crafting since early childhood.

Truth is, I'd just never seen many crafts that I'd actually want to OWN... well, not UNTIL TODAY! But now I'm ready to cover my apartment walls with cute homemade samplers! Yay!

My sisters would be so proud.

Totally Paranormal

2006-01-03T22:30:47+00:00
The Ottawa Haunting & Paranormal Group was recommend by an anonymous emailer. The music is mighty spooky, no doubt about that and the gallery of videos prove once and for all that there's a lot we don't understand about what happens to people with too much time and technology on their hands. . . . . .

Jacko in the Box

2006-01-03T20:29:43+00:00
Wow, I'm really just astounded by the quantity of stupidity that's finding me today. I don't have time for it, yet there it is! It's like a car accident... I know I should look away and go back to work... but do I? Nah.

So with that said, here's one of the latest scary things on eBay. Put your Visa down though, it's already been won. I know you're disappointed, sorry. Warning: if you're at work, you might wanna turn down your speakers.

British MillionaireMarries Dolphin

2006-01-03T18:31:00+00:00
Call me cynical, but I get the vibe this dolphin just married her for her money. He looks kinda shifty. Plus he goes by the name of "Cindy"... I mean, talk about a red flag! Wake up, lady!

Who knows, maybe we can look forward to a gorilla wedding sometime soon...

Eat Dirt and Live

2006-01-03T15:33:28+00:00
Dirt eating, a largely taboo subject for years, is now going mainstream. How do you eat dirt? An informative book on the subject is now out from Healing Arts Press titled The Clay Cure which provides you with a lot of good reasons to eat dirt. May or may not include recipes. Where do you get some dirt to eat? Buy it online from WhiteDirt.com! This informative site for dirt eaters says that their white dirt has "a taste akin to the fresh way that the ground smells when it's real dry and a little sprinkle of rain falls". You can also purchase dirt at various super-markets as reported in this facinating and informative article on eating dirt. . . . . .

Gettin' JiggyAround the World

2006-01-03T06:59:01+00:00
DANCING #5

Speaking as a total travel addict, I can't help but say... MATT HARDING IS COOL! (No, I don't know him. But come on! This video rocks!)

As for his dance moves? Well... they're definitely unique, that's for sure. ;)
*************************************
ETA: I found out the scoop on Matt. He's still on the road and is currently journaling his travels. His site even has a handy itinerary map to check out! Wow, am I jealous... that's cool.

Oh, and apparently Matt has a friend named Lars who prefers playing ball over dancing.

North Korean dance lessons

2006-01-03T06:30:50+00:00
DANCING #4

I kinda like to imagine that these little dance videos were choreographed by Kim Jong Il himself.

Lesson One
Lesson Two

Annoyances of 2005

2006-01-03T06:04:01+00:00
As the year-end lists continue, RetroCrush has tallied up The 100 Most Annoying Things of 2005.

So what annoyed YOU?

One-Legged Man vs. Dance Machine

2006-01-03T01:15:57+00:00
DANCING #3

Yeah, you may have two legs... but this guy is still a better dancer than you.

2005 Druid Wrap-Up

2006-01-03T00:08:38+00:00
Just in case you missed it, The Reformed Druids of North America just released their year end wrap-up.

Highlights: "Three things in a woman which bring on her the world's disrespect and her husband's hatred: lying long in the morning, being stubborn, and being slattern*." "Three plagues of the wise: women, drink, and bad temper."

Hot Druid News: "The state Game Commission is currently drafting proposed regulations to allow hunters to use the atlatl, a small wooden device used to propel a six-foot dart as fast as 80 mph. The commission could vote to legalize its use as early as January."

* untidy, slack (dictionary.com)

. . . . .

2006 Gun Money

2006-01-02T23:48:57+00:00
Not sure if this falls into the realm of totally stupid or totally disfunctional, but the Center For International Policy provides everyone with a quick view of Military and Police Aid provided by the USA to Latin America and the Caribbean which you really owe it to yourself to check out. Total military and police aid slated to go out to South America in 2006 is 907 million dollars - while social and economic aid tops out at over a billion. The winner in the race for Military bucks? Columbia (by far the largest producer of Cocaine in the world) who will pull down 641 million in 2006 (over two thirds of all gun money available in South America). With a population of around 43 million, that averages out to almost $15 per person for guns and ammo in the coming year. Who gets the fattest cash in the Social and Economic money grab? The winner is Haiti (by far the largest trafficking point for cocaine in the western hemisphere and also the poorest) at 181 million dollars. With a population of around 8 million, that's just over 22 dollars each for 2006. Of curious interest : 2.7 million in military aid to The Bahamas ($9 per person - or $4.50 per person in the tourism industry) . . . . .

Sesame Street becoming dangerous

2006-01-02T21:30:38+00:00
Family members said 16-month-old Miranda Boll's new book, "Potty Time With Elmo," was supposed to teach an interactive lesson using voice commands. However, when the book's buttons are pressed, it reportedly says something it is not supposed to: �"Who wants to die?"

A year in review...

2006-01-02T21:11:07+00:00
Leave it to The Onion to put the big news stories of 2005 into perspective.

Learn Disco!

2006-01-02T19:50:50+00:00
DANCING #2

Pay close attention to this old instructional video by Finnish dance instructor �ke Blomqvist and you'll be shaking your groove thing before you know it. Disco drives the chicks wild... maybe now you'll finally get a date!

Get down. Boogie oogie oogie.

Hire a freaking GARDENER!

2006-01-01T22:52:40+00:00
(No, this one isn't dance-related, sorry.)
According to the Washington Post... On most of the 365 days he has enjoyed at his secluded ranch here, President Bush's idea of paradise is to hop in his white Ford pickup truck in jeans and work boots, drive to a stand of cedars, and whack the trees to the ground...

First off... that he has now been on his ranch for a FULL YEAR during his presidency? Yikes. But really, what's with his total OBSESSION (!) over the clearing of brush and destruction of trees? Seems like some strange outlet for aggression to me. Glad I'm not a plant on his property, that's for sure.

Get down! Then get back up again!

2006-01-01T22:11:09+00:00
Happy New Year! I decided that it might be fun if my first posts of 2006 had a theme... and because of my mood (I'm glad it's a new year!), I've picked DANCING!

Seriously, what better way to start off 2006 than with a little Sooooouul Traaaaaaiiiiiiin circa 1974!?

Too groovy for you? Well then check out the decidedly less hip & funky moves from American Bandstand circa 1985: �recorded proof that Saint Elmo's Fire should NEVER be danced to.

History of Doom

2006-01-01T16:31:34+00:00
Just in case you're concerned that 2006 marks the begining of the end, Chris Nelson has taken the time to compile a history of the end of days, predictions dating back over 2000 years, which all have at least one thing in common, which is that none of them came true. Looks like Chris gave up keeping track in 2004 - but here's where he left it. . . . . .

Space Weather

2005-12-31T15:57:41+00:00
Whether traveling in space this weekend or just curious what the current conditions are on the face of the sun, SpaceWeather.com is for you! Don't forget to sign up with their handy space weather by phone service! . . . . .

Real Life Monkeys That Changed Our World

2005-12-31T15:45:41+00:00
With the success of the latest King Kong movie, it might be a good time to be reminded of the real life monkeys that have changed things for the better. Thank goodness someone has taken the time to list the most famous (non-actor) monkeys in history. . . . . .

The Japanese Tradition

2005-12-31T05:01:56+00:00
Do you feel awkward in authentic sushi restaurants because you're ignorant of the traditions and customs? Well, here's a clever little documentary on proper Japanese dining etiquette. Be sure to take notes. Hai!

Where's your ball, boy?

2005-12-30T22:49:17+00:00
Want to keep that manly bounce in Fido's step without upsetting Bob Barker? Well, just invest in a pair of patented Neuticles, the testicular implants for pets.

Irony? Table for one?

2005-12-30T21:06:22+00:00
Apparently Lynndie England went and burned herself while cooking some chicken in the big house.

"She was in severe pain... Everybody in the prison heard the scream." Terrie England (Lynndie's mother), who is caring for England's infant during her incarceration, faulted prison officials for not giving better treatment during a visit to the emergency room. "They gave her nothing," she said. "When this happened I was furious... To think they give you nothing for pain."

Yeah well... teeny tiny violins and all that.

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 3rd Place

2005-12-30T14:17:04+00:00
The National Institute of Standards and Technology definitely sets the standard for creating the most confusing website in the seemingly endless labyrinth of federally funded websites. The cleverly named Information Access Division is apparently designed to provide taxpayers with "access" to all the reasons this federal branch of government exists at all. Don't miss this bewildering report from the NIST which proves that Good Usability is critical to the success of a website. . . . . .

Not the brightest crayon in the box

2005-12-30T08:25:34+00:00
"...at some point, Farris Hassan, a 16-year-old from Florida, realized that traveling to Iraq by himself was not the safest thing he could have done with his Christmas vacation. And he didn't even tell his parents."

I'm sorry, I know he's just a kid, full of ideals... but someone needs to shake this boy silly. And I'm pretty confident they're going to do exactly that the second he gets off of the plane.

Talk about going above & beyond the call of duty to get extra credit for a class...

I'm not a doctor, I just play one on my computer!

2005-12-29T17:39:55+00:00
On the heels of virtual frog dissection, let's take it a step further, shall we? It's the Virtual Knee Surgery flash game! Yay!

Note: �please do not try Total Knee Replacement Surgery at home.

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 4th Place

2005-12-29T14:16:54+00:00
The remarkably dysfunctional WebContent.gov is where you go when you need to learn how to design a useless and completely confusing federal website with tax payer money. Tons of resources for creating and managing federal sites, including the uniquely disturbing Usability.gov, where you can learn first hand why no federal website can actually be used, and why it's costs so much to keep them that way. . . . . .

Put out an APB!

2005-12-29T05:35:45+00:00
Alas, it's true. On Christmas morning, the world-famous Nun Bun� was stolen!

So... if you happen upon a cinnamon bun that looks like Mother Theresa? Make a citizen's arrest & call the cops immediately. You'll be a hero!

Humane Frog Dissection

2005-12-28T16:05:13+00:00
If frog dissection is an interest of yours, but you just can't stand the thought of actual frog guts and don't care much for the smell of formaldehyde either, don't worry about it! In this super high-tech world and who needs real frogs anyway? Here's an award winning virtual frog dissection kit from 1994 The updated Virtual Frog Dissection Kit from 2002 - with video and audio. . . . . .

Lazy Sunday

2005-12-28T07:21:49+00:00
Yes, I know this rap video from SNL's December 17th episode is traveling the web right now. But even though SNL usually kinda stinks, it made me laugh.

And besides, have you people ever waited in line to actually EAT a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery?!? I mean... they're overrated but still... YUM. Just look at that frosting... I kinda wanna swim in it!

Getting paid for standing still

2005-12-28T00:51:31+00:00
Not big on moving around? You too can make a living as a statue or a mannequin... just like these people! The Living Doll � England's Mannequin Man (I recommend reading his stories.) � Living Liberty � Russia's Mannequeen � Living Statues � Brazil's Vitrine Viva

Is the life of a statue too sedate for you? Well hey, people love robots! The Mechanical Man � Italy's Mr. Zed � Norway's The Thing � England's Arbie the Robot

But my personal favorite of all is the live art of Make Up & Hair by Julie. With her brilliant help, you can entertain people as a statue, a fabulous strolling table, or even a wacky piece of fruit. Cool!

Oh, and if rather than being a statue you'd prefer to just pretend you're a famous painting? Move to Laguna, California.

One More Second Needed in 2005

2005-12-27T23:18:51+00:00
By now, word is getting around that 2005 will have one extra second than did 2004. It's what scientists call the "leap second". The plot to add an extra second to 2005 was actually announced back in July, with little to no public concern. But now that the extra second is upon us all, the bigger story, that no one is really talking about is the reasons behind this added moment in time. You have to do a bit of research to get the answers. The best place to start is with the folks who decided we need an extra second in the first place, The Earth Rotation Service is responsible. This fine international coalition of like-minded smart people are dedicated to figuring out, on an hour by hour basis, just how the fast, or slow the earth is rotating. The bummer is, the earth is slowing down. The US Naval Observatory knows it, the International Earth Rotation Service knows it too. The reality is, and get ready for this: The average deceleration of the Earth is roughly 1.4 milliseconds per day per century. The result is that without many of us evening knowing it, there have been 22 leap seconds in the past 27 years! That's 22 seconds that have been added to all of our lives, just like that! You should know that this extra-second business doesn't go without controversy. Loads of like-minded very smart people just want them to go away entirely. . . . . .

He will survive...

2005-12-27T17:45:37+00:00
Commercial & video director Javier Prato brings us the beautifully shot & ever-so-danceable short film Jesus Christ, The Musical. Alas, poor Jesus just never seems to catch a break.

I'm totally going to Hell for posting this, but it made me laugh for about a half an hour. I lived in LA for a long time, so I must confess that my favorite thing about this video is watching the reactions of shocked tourists on Hollywood Blvd. Say what you want about the town, but watching creative people freak out innocent Hollywood tourists in the name of a politically incorrect laugh? Good times.

Odor Cancelling Underpants

2005-12-27T17:27:16+00:00
Do you have a problem with flatulation? These high tech underpants solve the problem once and for all. Here's an alternative, low-tech solution that uses a charcoal filter. Not to be mistaken for underwear that just never smells bad. . . . . .

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 5th Place

2005-12-27T16:31:40+00:00
Department of Defense Visual Information This visually challenged site is the clearing house for all things visual from the Department of Defense. A vast collection of really bad photographs taken at tax payer expense. Some highlights: Order the Hurricane Katrina CD Collection! The popular Defense Billboard collection Or the always popular Defense Image Digest . . . . .

Rubber Band Balls

2005-12-27T15:53:33+00:00
Eventually, you'll probably want to get in on the excitment and family fun of rubber band balls. Here's a comprehensive over-view to get you started. How to make a rubber band ball. Rubber Band Ball Club - An ambitious Rubber Band Ball project started in 1996 and abandoned in 1996. What happens if you drop a really big one from an airplane. Is it real? Cat scans prove if there is a bowling ball at the core! Largest ball! $25,000 worth of rubber bands! Ready to get started? This professional has an online kit for sale which allows you to build your own 1 pound rubber band ball for only $14.99: Or if you'd rather just buy a 1 pound ball pre-made, it's only $4.48 (but where's the fun in that?) If you have some extra rubbber bands laying around and want to donate them to a worthy rubber band ball, contribute here. . . . . .

Who can resist my creme filling?

2005-12-27T00:20:02+00:00
After some worry about its future, the beloved, creme-filled Twinkie officially turned 75 this year.

Facts
How long do Twinkies REALLY last? � The Twinkie defense � The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project � More Twinkie torture � Twinkies in space
Stuff to Buy
Twinkie flavored lip balm � Handy Twinkie holder � Twinkie the Kid socks
Recipes
Gourmet, deep-fried Twinkies � Twinkie sushi or Twinkie tiramisu, anyone? � No-bake, fake Twinkies
Games
Quest for the Golden Cupcake

Deals on Dirt!

2005-12-26T15:49:55+00:00
Looking for the best price for dirt? ShopDirt.com is a great place to either buy the dirt you need or sell the extra dirt you have laying around. . . . . .

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 6th Place

2005-12-26T15:38:09+00:00
If you ever wonder why it's so expensive for the Federal government to accomplish so very little, take a month or two off to look over the most recent rules and regulations that are floating around at Regulations.gov, such as Irish Potatoes Grown in Colorado, Use of the Word ``Pure or Its Variants on Labels or in Advertisements of Alcohol Beverage Products, or International Sanitary and Phytosanitary Standard-Setting Activities to point out just a few of the regulations open for comment. . . . . .

Matzah!

2005-12-25T19:58:12+00:00
Check it out, yo! Those wacky JibJab brothers are at it again. This time they're giving Dubya a break & instead made a rap video about Moses' favorite carb:� "Matzah!" (short commercial first, sorry.)

ETA... looks like I spoke too soon about them giving George a break. (It's no This Land, of course. That'll always be the best one.)

Merry Christmas, FOO!

2005-12-25T11:12:39+00:00
Who brings about those warm feelings of good tidings more than Mr. T? NOBODY, SUCKA! So quit your jibba jabba already!

Mr. T Raps - Treat Your Mother Right (1984)
Styling With Mr. T - Fashion Tips! (1984)
Recouping with "Doctor" T (1984)
Mr. T Raps - Be Somebody! (1984)

And MORE!
The Mr. T Name Generator
Mr. T & Me
Random Mr. T Facts
Mr. T Versus EVERYTHING!
Mr. T in Your Pocket

And while it's actually a little frightening, I also present... The Spanish Mr. T! Imitation is the sincerest form of... uhh... well, it's just kind of scary really.

Viva la squirrel revoluci�n!

2005-12-24T22:39:36+00:00
Oh sure, it all began innocently enough. In 1997, students in Harvard University's Division of Engineering and Applied Sciences decided to study squirrels. Specifically? Fishing for them.

In time, the sport of squirrel fishing gained popularity and became somewhat widely practiced.

But what about the poor defenseless squirrels? Are they supposed to simply put up with being hunted, humiliated, enslaved, mocked and derided? Oh, think again, my friend.

I introduce you to The Squirrel Interference Bureau. Humans repent... before it's too late.

Fun with Jesus

2005-12-24T08:18:57+00:00
Jesus Christ's resume
Dating Jesus
Homeless or Jesus? game
Cool Jesus art (who knew he had a tat?)
Jesus Holiday Dress-Up
Running Jesus game

Apparently JC is super web savvy so you can even sign his birthday e-card here!

The definitionof Holiday overkill

2005-12-24T08:01:48+00:00
First there was Dickens' Christmas goose. Then along came the ever-so shocking Turducken. Now? Try the Ten-Bird Roast. For when killing three animals for dinner just doesn't seem enough.

It weighs 22 lbs. when cooked, contains around 10,000 calories (compared to the 3,000 calories of the average turkey) and takes over nine hours to prepare and cook.

The Left-Handed Piano

2005-12-24T07:06:19+00:00
You know, there have been a lot of misconceptions about left-handed people throughout history. But now, in these modern, comparatively tolerant times, southpaws are finally getting their fair shake. There are left-handed guitars of course, we don't want anyone else to endure what Jimi had endure, flipping that thing over and whatnot, and if you go here you can see some other high-quality left-handed products. My favorite quote came from the left-handed boomerang description: This boomerang is only suitable for throwing left handed. Do not let the right hander loose with it.

At any rate, some guy finally had the bright idea to "invent" a left-handed piano. What a brilliant, innovative design (think opposite normal piano)! My problem is, if anyone, lefty or not, is serious enough about playing the piano to shell out the dough for one of these, then they've obviously been playing for awhile, on "traditional" pianos, and would have to relearn the instrument. But hey, maybe Beethoven sounds even better in reverse....

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 7th Place

2005-12-24T05:53:02+00:00
and placing at 7th... The North American Aerospace (formerly Air) Defense Command - no clue what-so-ever what these cats have been doing since the end of the cold war, except experimenting with Flash...BUT they're doing a great job tracking the location of Santa Claus this year. . . . . .

Forget towrite Santa?

2005-12-24T05:10:48+00:00
That's ok. Now you can have a direct line to Santa's elves! Really!

So get your wishes ready... the elves are listening.

I almost forgot...

2005-12-24T04:51:03+00:00
Happy Festivus!

Never heard of Festivus? Well this'll explain everything. Meanwhile, here's a handy greivance list and a fruitcake gift label. Oh, and you can still order your poles for next year! (Or... you can just use a shower curtain rod. That's good too.)

Santa ain't fat...

2005-12-24T00:16:14+00:00
He's just big boned. (mp3)

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 8th Place

2005-12-23T05:05:09+00:00
Coming in at 8th place... If you're a US taxpayer, you owe it to yourself to see where your money is going today on the internet... The Department of Transportation A website with no street appeal at all and once you tour the interior, well, it's not exactly scenic. Most redeeming internet asset: Scenic By_ways - filled with info about driving all over the place and spending a lot of money doing it. . . . . .

Endangered Bugs

2005-12-23T05:04:00+00:00
Contrary to popular wisdom, it's not just mammals and fishes on the US endangered species list. There are quite a number of bugs as well. Barely hanging onto existence in Texas for example, is an un-named beetle, only discovered in 1987 and promptly slated for extinction by the year 2000. When thirteen years pass between your discovery and probable extinction, that's just... cruel and unusual, but to be un-named as well? Oddly enough, a third of all endangered insects in the USA currently struggling for survival are in Texas, with 19 out of almost 59 endangered bugs in all. . . . . .

Dog Fur Fury

2005-12-22T05:17:32+00:00
If you mistakenly bought one of those fur coats made of dog hair, that PETA, Paul McCartney, Motely Crue and drummer Tommy Lee are so upset about... and are concerned about it only because you're allergic to dogs, then relax and read this. It does raise the question: Are there any legitimate operations out there willing to turn dead pets into a hat? I for one would like to remember my cat by wearing her. . . . . .

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 9th Place

2005-12-22T05:16:28+00:00
Okay, we're skipping 13th place through 10th place and going straight to ninth! Coming in at number 9.... The Bureau of Alcohol ,Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives - it's just....dreadful. You may be moved to ask: Are US tax dollars actually being used here or does somebody in the Bureau have an uncle in the web design business? Most redeeming features, the most wanted list and the remarkably dysfunctional US Bomb Data Center. Also not to be missed, the section just for kids (so cute!). . . . . .

Crazy people love David Letterman

2005-12-21T19:06:52+00:00
Before I go, this article was just too stupid to ignore.

Holiday Quarentine

2005-12-21T18:57:58+00:00
I'm really under the weather so I shall be taking a break from posting... but hey, how do you guys like my new t-shirt purchase?

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 14th Place

2005-12-21T05:15:24+00:00
Priorities are important. Where the priorities are, the money will follow. Where they are not, well you can figure it out. The Department of Health and Human Services Website Coming in at 14th place, all we can hope for from this visually-challenged cabinet level site is that it isn't costing tax payers very much. Millions and millions of links on every page, guaranteed to take the inquisitive web surfer to nowhere and beyond. Best feature: The Google Powered HHS Search, which is the only way to really find what you're looking for. Look for the HHS site to go Google Home Page friendly in 2006 and place in the top four Federally Funded Web Sites next year, or else. . . . . .

DIY Surgery

2005-12-20T18:58:42+00:00
So you say you really want to give yourself a makeover in 2006. But hospital visits are expensive... and honestly, who has time to go onto one of those reality shows?

Why not just take matters into your own hands? Get thin. See better. Finally get those new boobs. If the Weekly World News says it's possible, you know it is! Just don't end up looking like these folks. I mean, YIKES.

Country gone bad

2005-12-20T16:59:29+00:00
Here's a list of the worst country music song titles ever. (I think my personal favorite is "I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.") Wanna write your own country song? Try this lyric generator!

The picture of New York's Naked Cowboy at left is just because he makes me laugh... that guy really must catch an awful lot of colds.

The 2005 Worst and Best Dressed of Tax Payer Funded Federal Websites. - 15th Place

2005-12-20T14:08:23+00:00
Who got the federal budget slice of US tax dollars to spend on the world wide web this year and who didn't? Let's look at the websites. Coming in dead last at number 15 in the countdown is.... Not surprisingly... The Bureau of the Public Debt website! A sad and lonely relic of design and technology, but hey, they got no money! Right? This, most lonely outpost in the vast chain of Federally funded internet destinations, primarily points the occasional visitor to a 1998 shopping cart, except in this cart you're lending the USA some money, which the government promises to back with interest a very long time from now. The site does have one brilliant contribution to the web, and that is the frequent updates on the exact debt, to the penny. As of 12/16 it was posted as 8,100,903,302,296.92 In fact, you can subscribe their monthly RSS feed of debt, which is rather handy. . . . . .

Even too stupidfor this website...

2005-12-20T00:33:50+00:00
Chase Visa actually issued a credit card to a tree. Yup.

Live Nude Cooking

2005-12-19T22:33:10+00:00
After leaving a dot-com job, what's a girl to do? How about becoming a nude chef?

Available for parties and cooking lessons, Bunny Bunns has quite the hopping career nowadays. Just check out her self-promotion video. (NSFW, might be good to make sure the boss isn't around.)

If you decide to take any cooking classes with her, you might want to avoid making fried foods, though. That splatter can be a killer. Ouch.

Too much cute should be illegal.

2005-12-19T19:16:22+00:00
Prepare yourself for a cute overload.

Like your cuteness with a side of competition? Check out the battles being waged over at kittenwar.com and puppywar.com. Only the most adorable will survive.

Gum Wrapper Chain

2005-12-19T14:31:31+00:00
GARY DUSCHL began his gum wrapper chain on March 11, 1965. $53,833 worth of gum later his remarkable chain has reached 47,514 FEET long and weighs 633 pounds (which he posted December 11, 2005). But the truly remarkable feat? He only uses Wrigley gum wrappers! Updated constantly, so bookmark this one to keep up! . . . . .

Baby daddy

2005-12-19T06:12:41+00:00
Pass out the cigars... looks like a Taiwanese man by the name of Lee Mingwei is the world's first pregnant man.

Or is he?

Ouch.

2005-12-19T03:34:47+00:00
There are only about 50 living professional sword swallowers left worldwide. So is sword swallowing for real? Well, look a little into the history and you'll find lots of interesting proof. Want to learn how to swallow swords? Click here to have all of your questions answered. But don't forget to join the union.

eHairmony

2005-12-18T16:15:37+00:00
By now, we've all heard of the eHarmony Personality Profile for finding your true love, but what if you'd just rather have a dog instead? This short quiz will tell you what breed of dog is best for you, based on your obvious character flaws. A much more rigorous test , with more points of compatibility such how much hair you want to clean up. Certainly another good indicator of the perfect dog for you is your astrological sign, compared to that of your dog. Here's one more that asks what your favorite color is (as long as it's not orange) and a variety of other deeply troubling personality indicators. Maybe you already have a dog in your life and just want to know what it's personality is . . . . . .

Very a-peeling

2005-12-18T07:20:13+00:00
Here's another little game for you. If you were in charge of the mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving, you should be pretty good at the Potato Peeler Game!

Because all babies can't be Einstein

2005-12-18T07:14:47+00:00
At the Baby Bush Toy Company, we offer an exciting range of products for the resoundingly average child.

Hofftastic games

2005-12-18T05:46:13+00:00
Say what you want about David Hasselhoff, how many of you have this many online games dedicated to YOU?

Wax On, Wax HOFF
Knight Rider
Where's Hoffy
Hoff Invaders
Pac Hoff
Hoffer
David's America Game (This one's German. Type in a name & hit start. Click on a lifesaver. Then click & hold Hoff's arm to throw the lifesaver to a drowning girl.)
And let's not forget about a little thing known as Hasselhoff Recursion!!!

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

2005-12-17T20:53:40+00:00
So, as we near His birthday, let's take a look at who's for Jesus nowadays, shall we?

Let's see... we have nerds, jazz musicians, black mimes (website not to be missed), white mimes, russian mimes (he's really big with mimes), bikers, goths, magicians, drummers, strippers & porn stars, queers, contractors, jugglers, metalheads, jews, muslims, ex-Mormons and ex-Masons. That's a lot of interesting friends! This year's birthday party's gonna be fun.

Artificial ANTtelligence

2005-12-17T14:34:21+00:00
If the goal is to one day make a computer as smart as an ant, these cats will probably get there first. If the goal is to make the virtual ants actually look like ants, then these smart alecks will probably get there first. If the goal is to provide mankind with a virtual ant colony that may cause color blindness if looked at for too long, this dude has reached that goal. If the goal is to create virtual ant colonies that look nothing like ants, don't behave anything like ants, and is ultimately just irritating, don't waste your time because it's been accomplished already. . . . . .

I am cabbage, hear me roar.

2005-12-16T18:03:32+00:00
Ever wanted to be a cabbage?
Poof! You're a cabbage!

IntroducingThe Cloud

2005-12-16T17:32:03+00:00
For only $6900, you can now purchase your own sound-decreasing textile Portable Inflatable Meeting Room! Yep, Maxwell Smart would definitely have approved.

Masochism is FUN!

2005-12-16T17:02:28+00:00
Anybody remember the character in Aliens that enjoyed stabbing in between his fingers with a large knife like some kind of freak? What a fun video game that would make, eh? Just hit the space bar to stab the knife as many times as possible without total digit amputation.

Note: �Oh, and be sure to turn down your sound... unless you actually enjoy listening to the panting & screaming sounds of a psychopath.

Population Blog

2005-12-16T14:16:54+00:00
The Census Bureau's "Population Clock" provides a second by second update of the number of people everywhere. As of this posting, the USA has a net gain of one person every 10 seconds, but only one US birth every 7 seconds. In order to keep up with this ever changing number, subscribe to their RSS feed today

. . . . . .

Explosive List

2005-12-16T05:05:42+00:00
Just in case you're looking for a list of all things that explode, the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (and explosives) released their annual list this week. So far they're up to 238 explosive materials and thought everyone should know exactly what they are

. . . . . .

The most sober guy in the room

2005-12-16T02:43:10+00:00
A friendly tip: �do not play quarters with this guy.

The Kid from Brooklyn

2005-12-15T22:40:29+00:00
Here's a nice little online resume for this big fat guy who wants to be an actor. I can imagine his grandkids sitting around and begrudgingly telingl him how good his rendition of "angry fat man" was this time, as he rolls out of his chair to slam another tape into the VCR.

Animal torture as a gift

2005-12-15T18:14:07+00:00
Do you love the ocean? Do you absolutely adore dogs? Well now you can share both of those interests with your loved ones by giving them the best Christmas gift EVER! Dog in a Shell!

Love the ocean but just prefer cats?
You're covered too.

Playboy in Braille

2005-12-15T18:00:22+00:00
I'm thinking Mr. Magoo probably had a stack of these under his bed.

Get your paws ON me, you damn dirty ape!

2005-12-15T17:34:30+00:00
Yes, it's a love story of sorts.

Just south of scenic San Francisco, there lives a kitten-loving, very smart, very famous gorilla by the name of Koko. In 1971, a graduate student named Penny Patterson met this small sickly baby gorilla and became committed to teaching Koko how to communicate via sign language. Over thirty years, a special friendship blossomed. No, I mean a REALLY, REALLY special friendship...

See, this month, a scandalous sexual harrassment suit prompted by that special friendship was settled out of court & brushed under the proverbial table. If you don't know the story already, I'll just let you read the details for yourself.

Nudes In The News

2005-12-15T05:38:03+00:00
Steve Gough apparently makes a decent living walking around Britain in the nude.His slick new website, at NakedWalk.org is proof of success. It wasn't always so profitable for Steve to walk nude from town to town, as evidenced by previous, lower budget websites such as this visually challenged nude rambler site from late 2004, thanks to archive.org. . . . . .

Dead Body Guy

2005-12-14T22:52:46+00:00
I've always dreamed of being in a movie or on TV. I grew up like most people in their 40's watching everything from Dragnet to Twilight Zone and dreaming "I can do that if just given the chance"... I close my eyes and see "DEAD BODY...played by... ME!"

...I can lay there and be dead. I can achieve my dream by being shot, stabbed, drugged, mugged, mangled, strangled or any other scenario you can think of. I can even recite lines if needed. As you have probably already guessed, I am not shy at all.

Swizzle Stick Collecting

2005-12-14T17:42:38+00:00

At last, here's your online guide to Swizzle Stick Collecting.

The largest online swizzle stick collection.

The International Swizzle Stick Coillectors Association - make sure your register for the upcoming convention!

The Worlds Largest online Glass Swizzle Stick Store

Have a nice Kwanzmakah!

2005-12-14T16:48:58+00:00
The best of holiday wishes from Mr. Eyebrow Dance & me! (Turn up sound to enjoy the music.)

PerpetualBubble Wrap

2005-12-14T16:38:43+00:00
Few earthly inventions offer the joyfully simple entertainment of bubble wrap. So pop away!

Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

2005-12-13T23:16:04+00:00
Have you been missing the dysfunctional white-trash nastiness of Jerry Springer lately? Well if you find yourself in Britain, you can get your fix with Jerry Springer, The Opera (starring David Soul aka HUTCH!!! OMG!!!).

Otherwise, just click here to star in your own episode. And if you hate Jerry Springer? Well, this is for you.

Tying the knot

2005-12-13T18:17:24+00:00
Some men really want a wife.

Some men really don't.

So you've decided to be Evil...

2005-12-13T17:51:13+00:00
Sometimes being nice is just overrated. It gets tiring, y'know? I mean, Catwoman had MUCH more fun than Batgirl, right? Wouldn't it be easier to just turn Evil?

Well, before taking the leap to the dark side, first you should take this handy quiz to find out your aptitude for it. (Some people really aren't cut out for evil, you know.)

Still interested? Here's your complete textbook on how to become a force of darkness.

Need more help figuring out your evil plan for world domination? Here it is.

Now, have fun storming the castle, kids!

The Happiest Potties on Earth

2005-12-13T17:22:09+00:00
Planning on a trip to the Magic Kingdom but your pesky IBS is acting up? Fret not. Check out this comprehensive guide to the restrooms of Disneyland, complete with photos!

Facilities are rated according to flush type, amount of stalls/urinals, faucets, changing tables and mirrors. Oh, and the women's bathroom is also rated on color scheme... because we chicks care about stuff like that.

Largest Ball of Twine

2005-12-13T13:51:50+00:00
The world's largest ball of twine is so big it has it's own building! . . . . .

McFly is real

2005-12-12T22:14:01+00:00
Frozen Joe has a great idea. I think he's serious. Go check it out and support the living hell out of him, because this is the future, for real. I'll give you a hint as to what his site is all about:

Ready?...

Hoverboards. It's about hoverboards.

And while you're at it, get yourself a Skycar.

Mahna Manha

2005-12-12T20:55:49+00:00
A little Muppet Show flashback (circa 1976) to brighten up your dreary Monday.

Now get it out of your head... I dare you.
Hey... anyone else catch the refrain
of Lullaby of Birdland in there?!?

ETA... and here's the worst parody ever!

It's magically delicious!

2005-12-12T19:04:39+00:00
Introducing Liquid Cereal. Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day, even when liquified.

The Ultimate Taxi

2005-12-12T17:14:56+00:00
It's transportation, discotheque, and recording studio all in one. But I honestly don't know how the guy ever sees the road.

Air Guitar World Champions

2005-12-12T14:12:58+00:00
Requires no instrument and even less talent - Air Guitar is just totally cool and totally international. AirGuitarUSA - The official site of air guitar. AirGuitar Australia - Definately down and under. German Air Guitar Federation - Very German| United Arab Emirates Air Guitar - Extreme and rockin the Arab world. Air Guitar France - the French love air guitar Air Guitar Norway - very sophisticated. . . . . .

High on a hill was a lonely drunkard...

2005-12-12T02:06:15+00:00
Yep, it's The Sound of Music Drinking Game! Prost!

Yacht Rock

2005-12-11T21:11:49+00:00
Continuing on today's rock theme... few people know just how much went on behind the scenes to create those manly smooth 70's rock sounds we all know & love. The operatic yet thoughtful "Yacht Rock" series TELLS those stories.

Loggins & Messina, Christopher Cross, Peter Cetera, Steve Perry, Michael McDonald... oh yes, they're there in all of their rockin' hair glory. Start with Episode 1 and be sure to prepare yourself for the dark side of Hall & Oates... it's not pretty.

Rockers with cheese

2005-12-11T20:03:32+00:00
It says right there on Slim Mackerel's website... "Warning: Some songs may offend some chicks." That pretty much covers this post.

Slim Mackerel supposedly has had a 30 year career in music, although he dropped out for 20 of them. Now he sings songs like "Girl You Smell" and makes videos with celebrities. (Watching him torment poor Molly Shannon cracked me up though.)

Fortunately, Sweden has given us the ever-so pouty G�NTHER. "The four main things in G�nther's life are Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!" I have long enjoyed his Ding Dong Song (NSFW -- there's nudity), but now it looks like he has a Christmas video on his site, not to mention ring tones and a screensaver. Tra la la!

Nobody loves you like your mama. But Kennedy promises to love her back for you. (LSFW)

Stare down Sally

2005-12-11T18:22:53+00:00
Sally just loves staring contests. She prefers to win, but she can be a graceful loser.

So don't blink!

The Biggest of the BigFoot Links

2005-12-11T14:26:50+00:00
You're certain to wonder at some point, who has the most authoritative BigFoot website? At one time, The Sasquatch Information Society was the clearing house for the majority of BigFoot info on the web, but times change. These days, The International BigFoot Society seems to have the most recently updated sightings database, as well as nifty clickable maps of the USA and Canada and clickable reports from other countries. While there's no shortage of state-wide bigfoot societies, such as The Pennsylvania Big Foot Society, The Texas Bigfoot Sociey, and countless others too numerous to mention, Oregon BigFoot clearly leads the pack, not only with sponsorship dollars, but a nice little section dedicated to Big Foot Humor. Lastly, where's the best place on the web for BigFoot Merchandise? The clear leader in product and price-point is Big Foot Surplus - with the remarkable BigFoot Action Figure, which comes with a handy foot stamp pad so you can make your own tracks! . . . . .

The Marvelous Crooning Child

2005-12-11T05:41:26+00:00
The ever-talented Eugene Mirman has now learned 34 hit songs to serenade you with. Something for everyone! (I highly recommend the Who Medley.)

Such a talented boy.

Lot Was Kinda Kinky.

2005-12-10T18:51:49+00:00
While recapping the evils of Sodom & Gommorah, youth pastor Blake Bergstrom let his mind & tongue wander a little too much.

Ahhhh... Freudian slips are a beautiful thing. Especially when made during church sermons. And especially when videotaped.

Yes, "pitch his tents" does sound a bit like "pinch his t*ts," doesn't it? (Ok, well, not really.) Apparently Blake still has a job, though. And he has even offered up an explanation.

The Whitest Kids U Know

2005-12-10T17:04:36+00:00
Nothing says funny like a musical tribute to Rohypnol (that's "roofies" to you!).

"We Gon' Make Love Until You Wake Up."

To view this NYC comedy troupe's other videos, click here.

Fabulous Pets

2005-12-10T15:35:04+00:00
Dedicated pets are working hard to look like celebrities. See the best of these hard-working animals. This agent apparently represents ant actors, but doesn't supply any head shots. Some talented pets are actual celebrities and most of them are represented by the biggest hollywood pet agency - whose catchy slogan is "Any actor can beg for a part, but ours do it on cue". Clearly, not all pets can be fabulous, but that doesn't mean they can't look good.Dress up your pet today. . . . . .

Make A Snowman!

2005-12-09T22:20:45+00:00
Just drag & drop. It's fun! Beats working...

Check out the gallery!

Mayor Bans Death

2005-12-09T19:20:49+00:00
Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva, of Biritiba-Mirim, Brazil, came up with the idea because the town's only cemetery is full. He wants to bring in a law that would see relatives of people who die before their time face fines or even jail.

Want to Make a Meaningful Christmas Gift?

2005-12-09T17:09:33+00:00
The clock is ticking, the countdown is on, what to make for that special someone? A Girdle Lamp!!!

Big Granny on Campus

2005-12-09T16:28:38+00:00
It's just not very often you get to read a heartwarming story of an 83 year-old woman chugging from a college's three-story beer bong. Frances said the best part of the entire experience was the enthusiasm and cheers of the students. "I love everything about the kids. I want them to drink less, but I guess that's a little old fashioned." Way to condemn drinking! Give mixed signals much, Frances?

World Head Balancing Master!

2005-12-09T13:52:29+00:00
JOHN EVANS - The undisputed master of balancing stuff on his head. Milk crates, pints of beer, house bricks, Mini Coopers, cans of Coke - you name it, this guy most likely holds the record for balancing more or them on his head than anybody. . . . . .

The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas

2005-12-09T07:01:59+00:00
Apparently even Santas can be discriminatory. Welcome to AORBS, an organization founded in order to separate the hairless, fake-beard-wearing boys from the superiorly hirsute men.* But with or without hair, you might want to spend some quality time at Santa School before hitting the mall.

What's that you say? You don't have a beard and you're not big on rugrats? Well that's ok. Just move to Austria & dress up like Santa's arch nemesis Krampus! Instead of having children sit on your lap, you can toss chains at them and threaten to eat them for dinner. As the old saying goes... "Kids are great! Especially with salt & pepper."

*BTW, if you've ever wondered? Santa's hairdresser lives in Atlanta.

Totally tragic

2005-12-08T23:39:59+00:00
A google search revealed this disturbing British relation to our beloved totallystupid.com. www.totallystupid.co.uk is a very worrying thing. What would at first appear to be the most dull blog page ever, does under scrutiny reveal the workings of a dangerous mind. This guy quotes the bible alot, is an insomniac, has some relations to youth groups and makes unexplained trips to Hull. Totally stupid in name only. A tragic British man alone at night

Why do people have to fight?

2005-12-08T21:45:33+00:00
This old Dinah Shore show clip shows us the sensitive, artistic, musical, peace-loving side of Tattoo. Poor Herv�... he was just a short french guy, looking at a world, and wanting it to love him.

Totally stupid royals

2005-12-08T21:32:44+00:00
In my capacity as a respresentative of European stupidity I find it only fitting that I should start off with a bit of that most British of pastimes. Laughing at our Royal family. To give you a bit of background to this, Camilla is the second wife of Charles, Prince of Wales (he used to be married to Diana but she dead). Charles is the next in line to the throne. This means that would be queen one day but since she is a divorcee, a smoker, and a bit ugly that has been declared unacceptable by the British public and most importantly, Charles' mother-in-law from hell, The Queen of England. Jeez. The link below is reflective of the bizarre way the UK press and public treat these strange, over-priviledged people. Is the Queen copying Camilla's style?

Perplexing (yet catchy) Flash videos from around the world

2005-12-08T19:58:32+00:00
KIKKOMASO seems to be a Japanese soy sauce superhero who's apparently good with the ladies. Or something. I guess.

HATTEN AR DIN will make you want to buy a hat. (But can anyone explain to me why at one point they superglue a ham?)

This cute little Korean animated cartoon is an ode to "dung." It teaches the importance of diet by featuring adorable singing maggots who occasionally sport afros. SO CUTE! And yet... ick.

HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!!! on the other hand? No sense can be made of it. Don't try.

Last Days Ministry tour booked through April 2006

2005-12-08T18:47:56+00:00
Last Days has been published since the 1970's and ranks as one of the longest running magazines dedicated to the end of time. Tour dates are already booked solid through April 2006. . . . . .

Uncanny Celebrity Impersonations

2005-12-08T17:55:24+00:00
Mr. Jeff Polage is a VERY talented actor. Here is the proof. Side Note: if you want to see some really cool celebrity tabloid-themed artwork, you should scroll through the rest of 14's site. There's absolutely nothing stupid about it, I just really love her work so I thought I'd share. This one really cracks me up.

Compare Brains

2005-12-08T14:12:27+00:00

Finally we can compare camel brains to cat brains all in one place.

. . . . .

The Dog Diaper

2005-12-08T14:03:13+00:00

It's unclear which is more disturbing, the idea itself, the fact that the site is mentioned as a "Cool Site of the Day" by What's On, or the Gold International Award received at the Invention Convention of 1997.
Since the inventor doesn't have them for sale at the site, this uniquely unsettling link will prove quite handy in that regard.

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To the LEFT!

2005-12-07T20:18:16+00:00
Ever wonder what kind of noises major celebrities hear in those haunting nightmares that bolt them wide awake at 3am? Well, that soundtrack may just sound a little something like THIS. I've developed laryngitis just from listening to it.

It's peanut butter jelly time!

2005-12-07T17:52:38+00:00
A catchy little tune, as performed by a pixelated freestyling banana who apparently has a baseball bat. Go ahead & say goodbye to the
next 10 minutes of your life. ETA: Looks like the animators of The Family Guy have watched this banana dance a few times too.

And here's a disturbing live re-enactment.

Alien Abduction Survey

2005-12-07T13:50:45+00:00
You've probably been abducted by aliens and just don''t know it. This handy survey from the Alien Abduction Experience and Research web site will answer those nagging questions about your probable abduction.

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What Not to Knit

2005-12-07T07:35:05+00:00
Ummmm... somewhere in Portugal (or is it Brazil?), someone has an awful lot of free time. Click below and look... I dare you! Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Still craving more hideous crafting? Well here's another taste of fugly knitting and crochet magic just for you! You're very welcome. Lastly... German expressionist crochet. (Or as I like to call it: "When Crochet Goes Bad.")

backsweet boyze

2005-12-06T22:44:51+00:00
This is the best music video ever.

Yep, Santa's an ugly drunk.

2005-12-06T22:28:40+00:00
Here's a fun little flash game for you. (If that link doesn't work, try this one.)

With each glass of holiday wine, Santa gets more wasted. How much can he drink without falling off of the roof?

Note: control Santa using your arrow keys.

stupid fast, stupid cool

2005-12-06T22:27:11+00:00

August 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a camera to a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a professional Formula 1 racer drive through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur. The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets.

Depressing Classic RockMidi Songs

2005-12-06T21:31:11+00:00
"These are MIDI files -- so besides being depressing, they'll also sound dumb too. This collection is in no way complete and it reflects only my personal feelings of sadness which I am compelled to inflict upon you..."

Make Bettter Stone Tools

2005-12-06T13:37:36+00:00

And you probably thought stone tools were as good as they would ever get...

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New For Christmas!Buy Nothing On eBay!

2005-12-05T23:48:59+00:00
Just what you've always needed.
Of course, it costs $8.00 to ship...

Pamela Stonebrooke, Intergalactic Diva

2005-12-05T23:24:15+00:00
She's a "jazz" singer. She has sex with aliens. 'Nuff said.

Titanic Coloring Book

2005-12-05T12:26:32+00:00

Color in one of the worst human tragedies of the last century! It's just great fun. Link up with this great gift idea today.

Eating to Win

2005-12-04T16:49:11+00:00

Ever wondered how many sticks of buttter you need to eat to become a world champion? Before dashing off to eat more cow brains than anyone else, you might want to check in with the World Federation of Competative Eating first.

Alka-Seltzer knows where to put their sponsorship dollars - how long before the champion eaters are wearing Hormel logo hats?

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The Electric Toilet!

2005-12-03T15:57:24+00:00

I don't know why these aren't more popular.

I especially like Incinolet's logo of someone being electrocuted in an outhouse.

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Can't Spell? This won't help.

2005-12-03T14:50:07+00:00

Can't spell DICTIONARY? Not a problem. Visit DICTIONERY.COM

They also provide classes to learn to speak engrish.

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